


Rough Seas

by palominopup



Series: Winchester Bay [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Daddy/Dean, Happily Ever After, Homophobic John, M/M, Sex, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 07:23:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 71,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4382570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palominopup/pseuds/palominopup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lieutenant Commander Dean Winchester was coming home after fourteen years with his two year old baby in tow.  He'd left the town of Winchester Bay after his father caught him and his best friend/lover together.  He ran from his father, from the town and from Cas.  Now, he's back.  The Novak brothers warned Dean to stay away from Cas, but in a town the size of Winchester Bay, how could he do that...no matter how hard he wanted to.  A rescue at sea starts a series of events that brings the men together again, but the years took their toll on any love they once shared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> Yep, it's angsty and will be a slow build, but you know me...happily ever after will always come for these two. Enjoy. And Allie, happy birthday - this one's for you.
> 
> And a very special thank you for Mari for the wonderful collage! So talented in many ways.

“Are you sure you want this assignment, Winchester?” The Rear Admiral was seated behind his massive oak desk. The window behind him allowing the younger man a view of the harbor and beyond to Wistera Island, an uninhabited island just off Key West.

“Yes, Sir.” Lieutenant Commander Dean Winchester answered in his husky baritone. He was very sure of his decision.

“Winchester, leaving this station for a remote port like Umpqua River is just this side of crazy.”

Dean knew his request for a change of duty was unusual. Leaving the tropical paradise of the Florida Keys to go to northwest Oregon was nuts by anyone’s standards. His circumstances weren’t usual though. “I understand, Sir. It’s home, Sir.”

The Admiral leaned back in his chair. “Son, I know you lost your wife a couple years ago. Being a single parent while serving our country has got to be one of the toughest things imaginable. I understand. I’m going to approve your transfer. Your record is impeccable. You’re the youngest Lieutenant Commander I’ve every served with. I wish you the best.” The Admiral stood and gave Dean a crisp salute.

Dean returned the salute, turned about face and left the office. He took out his phone. “Mom, I’m coming home.”

**(Six Weeks Later)**

The moving van pulled up fifteen minutes after Dean. The cottages provided by the station for its officers were just west of the town of Winchester Bay. The five cottages were in a small cul-de-sac a stone’s throw away from the station itself. Dean’s new home was a cozy two-story house. His mother, brother and sister-in-law were in the house. Dean stood on the porch holding Kali.

“What do you think, Princess? Like our new home so far?”

Kali looked around in wonder. The move had been confusing to her. Dean hadn’t been back home since she was born. His family came to visit him in Key West when Kali was born and when Anna had died. Not enough time for Kali to get to know them. A week after leaving the only home she’d ever known and she was still crying for her nanny, Allie.

Dean walked down the steps and signed the forms and the crew began to unload his belongings. His mom, Mary, reached out her arms to Kali and the little girl reluctantly went to her. Dean set about making the cottage their new home.

It took several days to unpack everything, but by Sunday afternoon, Dean could walk through the cottage without tripping on cardboard boxes. Kali was with his brother’s family today. The twins were only a year older than Kali and she seemed to be able to hold her own with them. He heard the sound of a car door and realized this was it. A new nanny for his baby girl. His mom had given the woman a glowing recommendation, but with a population of only three hundred and twelve, Winchester Bay didn’t offer a whole lot of choices. The Coast Guard station added another hundred or so people, but it was still slim pickings.

He opened the door to an imposing black woman. “Miss Moseley?”

“It’s Missouri.” The woman was eying Dean intently and it made Dean a bit uncomfortable. He backed up to allow the woman to enter his home. She looked around and nodded. “You’ve made it a home already.”

Dean looked around and almost laughed. Kali’s toys were strewn everywhere. Her booster seat she’d used at breakfast hadn’t been wiped down yet and Cheerios were scattered all over the floor. The coffee had spilled this morning and it was all over the counter.

He offered her a chair at the opposite end of the dining room table to avoid the sticky area around Kali’s chair. She sat, clutching her purse in her lap.

“My mother thinks highly of you.”

“Your mother is a smart woman. She’s been a good friend to me since I moved here.”

“Why did you move up here? Mom said you were from Kansas.” His mother told him the woman moved to Winchester Bay a little over a year ago. She did odd jobs for people and billed herself as a psychic. Instead of treating her like an outsider, the town had embraced the woman.

“Something called me here.”

Dean shook his head. “Miss Moseley…”

“Missouri.”

“Missouri, my mother may believe in all that psychic stuff, but I don’t. If I hire you to take care of my daughter, I won’t have you saying that kind of stuff around her.”

She lifted her chin and narrowed her eyes. “Dean Winchester, you listen to me, boy. I would never do nothing to harm a child. Mentally or physically.” She paused, her eyes softening. “Young man, I can feel your pain and I know your baby girl is feeling it too.”

“Kali doesn’t remember her mother. I don’t think she’s grieving.”

“That’s not the pain I was talking about. She’s feeling your pain. Babies pick up on their parents’ moods. You ain’t grieving either. You’re in pain because you couldn’t love that woman like she needed to be loved. It’s guilt you’re feeling. It’s been two years. She’s gone to a better place and you need to move on. Your baby girl needs her daddy to be happy.”

Dean reared back like he’d been slapped. “You don’t know anything about me. How dare you say…” How could the woman know…his mother must have said…but even she didn’t…

“You get off your high horse, boy. You might not believe in my abilities and that’s fine with me, but I speak my mind.” She paused and looked pointedly at the messy kitchen. “You need my help. Not only to take care of your baby, but this house. You just focus on your job and loving that child. Let me worry about everything else.”

Dean felt defeated. He had no other choice. Jess had been taking care of Kali this week while he was processing into his new assignment. His sister-in-law was happy to do it, but with three year old twins, it was a bit much for her. Even if she could keep Kali, Jess would be going back to teaching in the fall when school started again. Daycare was out of the question. The town didn’t even have one.

“We’ll try a trial period. See where it goes.” Dean laid out his schedule, what he was willing to pay and all was set for Missouri to start on the following morning. She agreed to come back later that evening to be introduced to Kali. He showed her around the house and told her where everything was. It was one less thing for him to worry about.

**Monday**

The annoying buzz of his alarm clock woke Dean out of a dream. He was on a cutter, on the bow, and he was scared. That’s all he could remember. It was stupid. He’d been on rescue cutters since his career in the Coast Guard began and he’d never been afraid, even in rough seas. He was an adrenalin junkie. Even before he joined up, from the age of fifteen until he was twenty-one, he worked on his father’s fishing boat, the Mary Kate. Storms and rough seas didn’t scare him.

He padded down the hall to Kali’s room and peeked in. She was still sleeping. He had time to get a shower and shave before he heard her calling out for him. In his boxers and plain white t-shirt, he went to her.

“Good morning, Cupcake.”

“Daddy.” She lifted her arms. Even though he got rid of the crib before leaving the Keys, Kali would not get out of her toddler sized bed by herself. He knelt on the floor. “Kali, honey, you are only ten inches from the floor. You can get out of bed by yourself.”

“No.” Dean shook his head. No had been the first word his kid said. Not DaDa, nope, it was no. Stubborn, just like her father. Dean knew when to pick his battles, so he stood and picked her up. He kissed her downy hair and put her on her feet. “Potty.”

Dean followed her in the hall bathroom and helped her with her pull-ups. He put it in the trashcan noting it was wet, so she’d had an accident in her sleep. He waited until she was done and helped her wipe. “Good job, Buttercup.”

He followed her naked butt back to her room. She waited by the dresser. Dean opened the top drawer. “Here’s your big girl panties.” Kali snatched them out of his hand and sat down on the rug to put them on. “Uh-huh, other way.” She turned them so the tag was in the back and grinned at him.

After she had her clothes on, Dean left to her play with her toys while he finished getting ready. He looked into his dresser’s mirror. He was proud of the uniform. He was an officer in the United States Coast Guard and at this duty station, he was second in command. He wished his father could have seen the man he’d become.

The knock on the door brought him out of thoughts of his father. The Mary Kate went down in rough seas a year after Dean left Winchester Bay. John, Dean’s father and four crew members lost their lives. His father had been drunk.

He scooped Kali up and jogged down the stairs.

“Morning,” Dean said to Missouri.

“Good morning, Mr. Winchester.” She bustled inside and saw Kali standing behind her father. “Good morning, Little Miss Kali. Have you had your breakfast?”

Kali put her thumb in her mouth and shook her head. “Kali, don’t suck your thumb. And it’s Dean, by the way.”

Ten minutes later, he was behind the wheel of his Jeep Wrangler. Kali had cried when he left, but she was clinging to Missouri. It made him feel a little better, but her huge tears had torn him up inside.

At the station, Dean parked and pocketed his keys. His first week, all he did was fill out paperwork and take a brief tour the facility. This week, he would officially be on duty. As a lieutenant commander, Dean would spend a lot of his time behind a desk. He would have three rotations of sea duty each week and he lived for that. He couldn’t wait.

His office was across the hall from Captain Crowley’s. He dropped his hat on his desk and then knocked on the door jamb. Crowley looked up. “Winchester. Get moved in?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good. Petty Officer Turner is overseeing the fueling of the boats, but when he gets back, he will take you around to familiarize you with the boats. We have four assigned at this station.”

“Yes, Sir. A Fast Response Cutter, a Life Boat, a Law Enforcement Craft and a Port Security Boat.”

“You did your homework.”

“Of course.” Dean wasn’t sure what to think of the captain. He seemed nice enough and from what he heard, ran a tight ship. “I look forward to working with you, Captain.

“Admiral King had nothing but good things to say about you, I think we will get along fine.”

“Captain Crowley, the boats are fueled and Lafitte is taking out the PS to start his patrol,” said an older man standing at the door.

“Thanks, Turner. Winchester, have you met Petty Officer Turner yet?”

“Yes, Sir.” Dean turned to the other man, “Good Morning, Turner.”

“Morning, Sir. Are you ready for your tour?”

“I am.” Dean saluted the admiral and followed Turner out into the June sunshine.

“For your rotations, you’ll be on the cutter, the MLB and the LE. The PS is Lafitte’s baby and his is territorial.”

“I’ll remember that,” Dean said with a grin.

The tour took the remainder of the morning. At noon, Dean got back into his jeep and headed into town. He pulled up in front of The Roadhouse and sat for a minute, looking up at the front of the building. He’d spent a lot of time inside those doors. Ellen, the owner, was his mother’s best friend and an honorary aunt to the Winchester boys. Her husband was on board the Mary Kate when she went down.

Ellen was behind the bar talking to a pretty blonde. Dean took a stool and waited for her to finish her business. The girl must have pissed Ellen off by the sound of things. Ellen finally turned around and saw him. “Dean…I was wondering when you’d come see me.” Dean caught the tears in her eyes and he stood up to hug her. “I’ve missed you, son.”

“Missed you too.” He held on to her for a good long while. Then she wacked him behind the head.

“Ow!” He let her go and rubbed the spot.

“Fourteen years. Fourteen years, Dean. You just leave and don’t come home. I had to hear about your life from your mother.”

“I just…you know.” When Dean left Winchester Bay, he’d been twenty-one. He didn’t look back. He didn’t even come back for the funerals. He had a good reason. At the time, he was stationed at Nags Head, North Carolina and he was on his first training mission. He regretted it. Not because of the funeral, but because he wasn’t there for his family and Ellen. He missed them all so much.

“Jo Beth, get over here and say hello to Dean.” The blonde had been standing by the kitchen door and she came forward.

“Jo! This is Jo?” When Dean left, Jo Beth Harvelle was eleven years old. She followed him and Sam around like a puppy. She even had a school girl crush on Dean. Now, she was all grown up. “You raised a looker, Ellen.”

“You keep your mitts to yourself, Dean Winchester.” Ellen tried to look severe but it made Dean’s grin even bigger. He picked the blonde up and twirled her around.

“Jo Beth…damn girl. Still catching crayfish, Squirt?”

Jo untangled herself from Dean and frowned at him. “I’m not a little girl anymore, Dean.”

“I can see that.” He turned back to Ellen. “You still make the best cheeseburgers in Oregon?”

“Damn straight. Sit down and I’ll get you one.” Ellen disappeared into the kitchen and Jo just kept staring at him. It made him nervous.

“Can you get me a Coke?”

She picked up a glass and added ice to it. “You look good in your uniform.”

“Right. Uhm…thanks.” He was wearing his dark blue BDUs, not nearly as impressive as his service uniform.

Jo sat the soft drink in front of him and leaned against the bar. Her position pushed her cleavage up and out. Since the white vee-necked t-shirt was already tight, it gave Dean quite the picture. He looked away. He wasn't interested in any relationship right now, especially one with a girl he thought of as a baby sister.

The burger was just like he remembered. He wolfed it down and stood up, tossing a ten on the counter. “I’ve gotta get back to work. You need to come by the house and meet Kali, Ellen. She’ll love you.”

“I plan on it.”

He was crawling into his Jeep when a voice from the past stopped him. “Winchester. Heard you were back.”

“Luc.” Dean nodded. “You heard right.” The two men sized each other up like two roosters squaring off.

“You need to stay away from Castiel. Don’t get anywhere near him. You dicked him over and we had to pick up the pieces. It ain’t going to happen again.” Luc was the oldest of the Novak boys. He had a few run-ins with the law and wound up in the country jail on numerous occasions. Apparently, he hadn’t changed much.

“You don’t need to worry, Luc. I’m not interested.” Dean felt a slice of pain at his own words. He could say it all he wanted, but he knew deep down it was a lie.

As he was pulling into his designated parking spot in front of the station’s admin building, he saw the cutter pulling away from her berth. He couldn’t wait to get aboard and take her out to open seas. Wednesday couldn’t come soon enough.

That afternoon, he suited up and did some dive training with his rescue crew. Petty Officer Angi Myers led the team in a few drills. She really put Dean through his paces. He instantly liked her.

When he got home late evening, it was like he walked into someone else’s house. It was spotless. All of Kali’s toys were in a laundry basket beside the couch. There was a pot of something on the stove. He lifted the lid. Beef and vegetable soup was simmering and the aroma was mouth-watering.

He heard giggling from upstairs and took the steps two at a time. At the door of Kali’s bedroom, he stopped and stared.

Missouri was on the floor next to is little girl and they were having a tea party. All of Kali’s stuffed animals were lined up around a pink blanket. Kali looked up and squealed. “Daddy.”

He caught her and lifted her high. “Hey, Princess. I missed you today.”

“Miss you,” she repeated. She squirmed and he sat her down. Missouri was trying to get off the floor and he reached out a hand. She took it and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

“We had a good day, Mr…Dean. Kali had a long nap and we took a walk to the coffee shop to see her grandmother. Your mother said to tell you she wants you over for dinner tomorrow night.”

“Thanks, Missouri. The house looks…clean.”

“Of course it does, boy. Dinner’s on the stove. Don’t get used to that. It’s just my way of saying welcome home.”

He smiled and nodded. “Thanks again.”

She left and Dean fed Kali. He watched a few cartoons with her while they ate their dinner. After her bath, he put her down to sleep and went back downstairs. Dean stepped out on the front porch and looked around. It felt strange being here. Winchester Bay was where he was born…okay, so he was born in Eugene since the small down didn’t have a hospital. He grew up here. The Winchesters came from a long line of fishing families who settled Winchester Bay. Winchesters didn’t fish anymore, that died out when John was lost at sea. Dean left to work on the oil rigs off the coast of Texas and after a year of that joined the Coast Guard. Sam got a full ride scholarship at Stanford and was now the DA in Eugene. It was a long commute, but Sam refused to leave town.

From his porch, he could see the fishing fleet resting in their slips. His face became wistful. He hadn’t let himself think about Cas. Not in a long time. His mother had mentioned the Novaks in a few of her emails. The family of five boys still ran a fleet of boats. In a town as small as Winchester Bay, the chances of running into Cas were pretty good. He’d have to prepare for that. What they had then…love…lust…whatever it was had been good, but that part of his life was over.

The short time he was married to Anna, he’d had to think of Cas in order to make love to his wife. The guilt hit him in the solar plexus. She’d deserved more than he could give her. She’d been killed before their second anniversary. Kali had been six weeks old.


	2. Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a bit of violence and homophobia.

**Tuesday**

Mary Winchester’s home was painted a bright yellow when Dean left home. Now, it was white with dark green shutters. Sam’s SUV was already in the driveway. Dean unbuckled Kali from her carseat and hoisted her up on his hip. He grabbed her diaper bag and headed up the walk.

It was strange to be home, but comfortable too. Main Street hadn’t changed. His mom’s coffee shop was still on the corner of Main and Bay Streets, the marina looked the same and he reminded himself he had to go see Bobby. He heard Victor was the Police Chief. Victor was two years ahead of Dean in school, but they hung out together. The first time Dean got drunk, he was with Victor. He was sixteen and stole the bottle from the cabin of the Mary Kate. His father gave him a black eye when he found out. Dean’s mom kicked John out of the house that night and he never returned. Their divorce was final three months later. John lived aboard his boat until she went down.

“Let’s go see Grandmama.” Dean walked up the front steps and into his childhood home.

“Gamma.” Kali cried out when she saw Mary Winchester coming to greet them. It didn’t take Mary long to win the little girl over.

“Hello, my sweet baby girl.” Mary kissed Dean on his cheek before taking Kali from his arms. Sam and the twins were in the living room playing on the rug and Jess was in the kitchen helping Mary cook. He bumped fists with Sam and sat down on the floor to see what the boys were playing.

“Unca Den, cars.” Jensen held out a replica of Tater from the Pixar movie.

Dean took it from his nephew and rolled it across the floor, ramming it into Jared’s Thomas the Train toy. The ensuing sound effects he made caused the boys to giggle.

After making sure his mom was still in the kitchen, he caught Sam’s eye. “What do you hear about the Novak boys these days?” He kept his voice noncommittal, like he was asking about the weather. Sam gave him a pitying look, so he knew his ruse didn’t work.

“Why don’t you just come out and ask about Castiel?”

“That’s water under the bridge, Sam.”

“He lives on a houseboat just north of the pass.”

“Does mom still have that old skiff of Dad’s?” Dean changed the subject. He didn’t want to know anything else about Cas.

“Yeah, it’s back in the garage with the Impala. I’m kind of surprised you haven’t gone to see your car yet.”

“I’ll go see her after dinner. I’ll see if Bobby has any room at that old garage of his. She’ll probably need a complete overhaul.”

During dinner, the twins and Kali kept everyone’s attention and it allowed Dean to think about his car. The Impala had been his father’s and he gave it to Dean for his graduation present. He lost his virginity to Cas in the backseat.

“Dean. Dean?” Dean shook his head and looked around the table. Everyone was staring at him.

“What? Sorry.”

“I asked how Missouri was doing with Kali,” said Mary.

“The woman is awesome. I had my doubts because of the whole woo woo thing, but Kali loves her and my house is freakin’ spotless.”

“Freakin’,” repeated Jensen. Sam and Jess gave him matching bitchfaces. He shrugged and ruffled the boy’s hair.

His mom made a fresh blueberry pie for dessert and Dean ate two slices before pushing back from the table. “I’m going to get fat.”

“I seriously doubt that. Doesn’t the Coast Guard make you train hard?” His mother asked, standing to begin cleaning off the table. He rose to help.

“I don’t train like I used to. Most of the time, I’m a glorified pencil pusher.”

He helped his mom clean up the kitchen while Sam and Jess watched the kids. “I’m glad you’re finally home, Dean. We missed you. Sam especially. I got to fly out and visit you more often. Sam…well, Sam needs his big brother.”

“He’s done well for himself, Mom. He’s a freakin’ DA. Look at Jess and the kids. He’s got a great life. He didn’t need me then, he doesn’t need me now.”

“He needed you after your father died. We were no longer married, so Sam had to make the decisions about the funeral, his property…”

“He didn’t have any property except for the Mary Kate.”

“He had a piece of land north of town. He had these stupid pipe dreams about building a hunting lodge up there and making a fortune off people wanting to bag a moose.”

Dean snorted. “There haven’t been moose around here since…since forever.”

“You knew your father. The ultimate con man.” Dean shook his head, she was speaking the truth. His father tried to cheat and con his way through life.

“What did Sam do with the land?”

“Nothing. Technically it belongs to both of you. He’s been paying the taxes on it. He didn’t want to sell it until you came home.”

“He can sell it now,” Dean said coolly. He didn’t want anything that belonged to John Winchester. The only reason he kept the Impala was because of the good memories… Cas… road trips with Sam...

He tucked his already sleeping daughter into bed later that night and sat down on the edge. Her teddy bear nightlight cast a pink glow to her room. He rested his hand on her tiny back and hummed Hey Jude, more for himself than her.

**Wednesday**

Wednesday was overcast and a strong wind was coming out of the north. He got to the station and was informed that they already had a small craft advisory out. Benny brought the PS back in because the mouth of the bay already had a ten foot chop. Dean and Benny had become fast friends. The rough spoken Cajun was good at his job and bragged about his cooking so much that Dean challenged him to come cook at his house. Since he was single, Benny stayed in the barracks and had no kitchen to work with.

Dean put on his heavy jacket since the temperatures were dropping and grabbed his life vest. The wind was already rocking the boats and he held on tight to the gangway when he boarded the Chinook, the cutter was a fast response boat and at over a hundred feet long, she was built for rough seas.

Tuner was already on the bridge when he got there. “Is the crew all aboard, Turner?”

“Yes, Sir. We’re ready to get underway.”

Dean greeted his crew and stood at the helm. “Let’s take her out.” He felt the vibration of the cutter’s big engines under his feet. He grinned at Turner. “Time to kick some ass.” Turned shook his head and laughed.

He kept the speed to five knots until they cleared the mouth of the harbor. “Increase speed to twenty knots.”

“Twenty knots,” repeated the chief engineer.

“Heading of north, northwest,” Dean called out after looking at the charts. He was taking her right into the wind.

“North, northwest,” repeated the navigation officer.

“Waves are cresting at fifteen feet, Commander.”

“Weather report?” Dean looked at Turner.

“Gale force winds coming in from the northwest. NWS just issued an all craft advisory. The fishing fleet should be coming in.”

Dean gave a brisk nod and left the bridge. The deck was wet with spray. He held onto the rail and checked on his crew. Those on deck were hooked onto cables and wearing their safety gear. He turned and resumed his spot in front of the large window of the bridge.

The cutter rose with each swell and crashed down on the other side. She was performing just like she was supposed to in weather like this. Dean was in his element. He had hurricane force winds while he was stationed in the Keys, but this raw power from Mother Nature was in his blood. He moved as one with the cutter.

They were turning around after patrolling up the coast and out to the edge of international waters when the distress call came over the radio.

“Coast Guard Cutter Chinook, this is Base, do you read?”

The radio operator answered in the affirmative and all talking stopped on the bridge.

“We have a fishing vessel taking on water. Latitude 43.921. Longitude -124.5.

Dean looked at the chart and did the calculations in his head. They were only three miles away. “Chief, take her up to forty knots.”

“Aye, Commander.” Dean felt the engines respond.

“Starboard, eighteen degrees,” Dean called out over the increased noise of the storm.

“Starboard, eighteen degrees,” the chief engineer repeated. The cutter turned right slightly.

“Turner, get the rescue team on deck and ready. I want divers suited up as well.” Turner nodded and got on the horn. “Chief, how close is the nearest chopper?”

“Closest not in service is Puget Sound, Sir.”

“Damn it.” In these seas, a fishing boat taking on water could sink in less than fifteen minutes.

“I’ve got a visual, Commander.” The lookout lowered his binoculars. Just a hundred yards off the port side.”

“Drop us down to ten knots.” Dean took the binoculars and found the boat. She was listing to her port side.

“Ten knots,” the chief engineer repeated.

“Do we have radio contact?” Dean moved over to stand by the communications officer.

“This is the Coast Guard Cutter Chinook, do you copy?”

“This is the Angel out of Winchester Bay. Over.

“Angel, we are coming along your starboard side.”

“I’ve got a man in the water on my starboard.”

“Shit.” Dean hit the boats intercom. “Man overboard, divers get ready.” He released the button and rested his hand on the chief engineer’s shoulder. “Take us in slow and easy to their port side.”

“Aye, Commander.”

“Steady…” Dean watched through the window as they drew closer to the disabled vessel. He had divers standing on deck. He could make out a man in the water. A rope from the fishing boat was wrapped around the man’s arm. As the big cutter drew near, Dean shouted. “All stop.” The two boats were nose to stern.

“All engines stop,” repeated the chief engineer and the cutter shuttered and then she rolled with the high seas.

Dean pulled on his life vest and ran out to the deck. “She’s going down fast, Commander.” A deck hand called from the bow.

A man stood at the bow of the Angel, his slicker’s hood over his face. He held a rope in his hand. Dean heard him call out to tie them off. The deck hand looked at Dean for orders. “Tie off quickly, and get those men on board. We don’t have a lot of time.”

Dean knew the fishing vessels were heavily insured, but losing one would put a crew out of work for months until another boat could be bought and fitted out. He felt for the owner and the crew, but there was nothing he could do but rescue the crew.

Dean supervised from the deck as his crew boarded the vessel and assisted the five men to the Chinook. The divers rescued the man in the water and brought him up. “Cut her loose,” Dean ordered, shouting to be heard over the wind. His crew began the task of dropping the boats lines holding her to the cutter. The man in the yellow slicker ran towards them, shouting. Dean saw one of his men hold the man back.

As the Cutter pulled away from the sinking boat, the man he assumed was the captain stood on the bow and watched the fishing vessel sinking. Dean called for his deck crew to get everyone inside. The wind, high seas and the rain were making it impossible for anyone to be safe on the deck.

He saw Petty Officer Myers go to the man and take his arm. He brushed her off, his posture angry. She was shouting at him and he was pushing her away. “Ah, hell.”

Dean hooked his safety line and headed for the bow. This was all he needed. Angi could probably handle herself, but the conditions were too sketchy for some asshat to be fucking around on his deck.

Angi looked up when he appeared behind the man. “Commander, this is the captain of the Angel, he refuses…”

The man spun around and Dean stopped breathing. Shock registered in the other man’s eyes too. “Cas.” Dean finally choked out.

Cas snatched his arm away from Angi and pushed past Dean. Dean watched him disappear into the forward hatch. “Come on, Sir. We need to get off the deck.” Angi was looking at him quizzically.

“Yeah.” Dean turned and made his way to the hatch and it clanged shut behind Angi.

Back on the bridge, Dean watched the final tip of the fishing boat sink below the surface. “Chief, take us home.”

“Aye, Commander.”

Dean took off his life jacket and shook the water out of his hair. “Chief you have the helm. I’m going below to check on our passengers.”

The storm rocked the cutter from side to side which made walking down the passageways difficult. Dean finally made it to the galley. Rufus Turner was talking to Cas and he didn’t see him come in. The other men from the fishing boat sat huddled in blankets in the dining area. Cas had to be freezing. His clothes were sopping wet. Dean took a deep breath and walked towards them.

“Turner, can you get a blanket for Mr. Novak?” Rufus looked at Dean, nodded and left the galley. Cas didn’t look at him. He was looking at his men. “Cas, you need to get warm.”

“Don’t. I just watched my life sink because you gave the order for no tow lines. You could have saved her.”

“No, Cas. Your boat was almost fifty feet long. The Chinook is only a hundred. If we would have held her, she would have dragged us down with her. I couldn’t risk my men. I wouldn’t risk their lives or yours.”

Cas walked away from Dean and went to sit with his men. He never made eye contact with Dean, not once. Dean knew he deserved it, but it still hurt. He left the galley and returned to the bridge. Once the Chinook reached the mouth of the river, she slowed and the water calmed. The wind and the rain still buffeted the deck, but she was safer now. Dean stood at the helm, his hands clasped behind his back. He saw the lighthouse first and then the lights from the town. The cutter turned into her berth and the deck hands came out to tie her up.

He watched as two white SUVs pulled up to the dock. He could make out the familiar Novak Brothers logo on the doors. He stayed on the bridge watching as Cas and his crew disembarked. They all got into the SUVs and Dean waited until they left the CGS docks before dismissing the men from the bridge.

It was close to five. The dark clouds and torrential rains made it seem like it was much later. He walked down the gangplank and jogged over to the admin building. Captain Crowley was at his desk and he looked up when Dean passed his door. “Winchester?”

“Yes, Sir?"

“Good job. Your first time out on her and you had a rescue and got her home in gale force winds. Impressive.”

“Thank you, Sir, I had a really good crew.” Dean went into his office and picked up his belongings. He just wanted to have a hot shower and see his baby girl.

He didn’t go straight home though. He pointed his Jeep towards the marina. On the way, he called Missouri to ask her to stay another hour or so.

He parked at the harbor master’s office. The lights were on inside. He banged on the door once before entering. Bobby Singer looked up from his desk and his face brightened. He stood up. “Was wondering when you were going to get your sorry ass over here to see me. How you doing, boy?”

Dean walked right into the older man’s arms. Bobby was more of a father than John ever thought of being. Bobby had been one of the few people Dean told about his feelings for Cas…for another man.

“Sit down. Take a load off.”

Dean sat in the old scared up wooden chair that he’d sat in all those years ago. “Sorry I didn’t write as often as I should have.” “Your mama kept me up to date on your life.” Bobby’s tone was matter-of-fact, just like it always was. Suddenly, Dean felt eighteen again.

“Heard about the Angel. Castiel okay?”

“He and his men are all safe.”

Neither men spoke for a few minutes. “How bad was it when I left?”

Bobby didn’t have to pretend not to understand the question. “Castiel spent the first week drowning himself in alcohol. After that, he holed up at his mom’s place for a while. No one saw much of him for about a month. Then he started working again. Saved his money and bought the Angel. The Novaks all seem to land on their feet. He bought a houseboat and moors it just north of the pass.”

“Did he ever…get married…find someone?”

“A man by the name of Will came up from Portland. Stayed about a year. He was a writer or some such. Lived out on the houseboat with Castiel. Nice guy. Folks thought it would work out.”

Dean just nodded and began to fiddle with the laces on his boots. “It’s a small town Dean. Everyone knew when you got married… Castiel went on a weeklong bender. Wrapped his truck around a tree. It put him the hospital for a few days. It was then that Will left town.”

Dean’s eyes widened. “Son of a bitch,” he muttered, rubbing his face with his hands.

“The Novaks are circling the wagons around him, Dean. You need to stay far away from him…and his brothers.”

“Yeah, I guess I do.” It was time to change the subject or Bobby was going to realize just how much this whole conversation was hurting him.

“You got any space in your old garage?”

“Yep. You gonna fix her up, ain’t ya?”

He smiled. “Yeah. She deserves it after being neglected this long.”

Bobby walked him to the door a short time later. “You bring that baby girl to see her Uncle Bobby, ya here?”

“I will.”

His house was brightly lit and he jogged up the porch steps. Kali was in her booster seat eating cut up chicken and broccoli. “Daddy.”

“Hey, Cupcake. Daddy’s home.”

“Home,” she repeated before tossing a piece of broccoli onto the floor. Dean reached down to pick it up. He needed to get a dog to clean up after her.

“She had a good day. I heard about your day. I can stay longer if you want to get a hot shower and relax some.”

“Thanks, Missouri. I’ll be back in ten.” He ran up the stairs and took off his still damp uniform. The scalding water helped ease the tension in his back and shoulders. He pulled on a pair of dark blue sweats with the Coast Guard insignia emblazoned on the front. He pulled out a matching t-shirt and picked up his wet clothes.

Missouri left. He started a load of laundry and read Kali a story. She fell asleep in his arms, but he continued to hold her long after.

**Thursday**

On Thursday, Dean’s rotation put him the LE. She was thirty-three feet long and incredibly fast. The craft had a light bar over the helm and mounted machine guns on her port and starboard sides. While not common, occasionally they had a drug raid off the coast, but normally, the LE was used to check both pleasure and commercial crafts for violations.

Dean let Petty Officer Shurley man the helm and he stood next to him watching the channel markers go by. At the mouth of the harbor, a commercial fishing vessel was chugging along in front of them heading out to sea. Dean recognized the logo. Across the starboard bow was the boat’s name, The Rose. As they drew alongside, Dean looked up into the face of Balthazar Novak. Dean nodded. The other man didn’t.

“Balthazar’s usually a bit more friendly than that,” Shurley commented as he gave the throttle a little more power.

“Don’t take it personally. I’m not his favorite person.”

Chuck turned to glance at him. “That’s right, you grew up around here. The Novaks are all great guys. Never give us any problems. You got a history with them or something?”

“Or something,” Dean answered. He suddenly questioned his decision to move home. In a town of only three hundred people, give or take, you couldn’t disappear into a crowd. And not only that, everyone in town was going to know your business.

They patrolled the inlets, the pass and the harbor. At four, Dean ordered Chuck to take them home. As they came around the bend, Dean saw a lone houseboat tied up to a small wooden dock. A white SUV was parked by the dock. He assumed it was Cas’ place. Chuck confirmed it. “The youngest of the Novak clan lives there. Castiel. Great guy. The town’s token gay.” Chuck laughed.

“Another crack like that and you’ll be scrubbing the latrines for the next month. Do I make myself clear?” Dean snapped.

“Yes, Sir.” Chuck straightened his shoulders and kept his eyes forward. None of the crew spoke again until they tied up the LE at the dock. They scrambled to secure the boat and acted like they couldn’t wait to get away from him. Dean sighed. What a great way to start his assignment. He wondered how long it would take before Crowley heard about it.

He grabbed his things and headed out. Once again, he didn’t go home. He took Bay Street to the end of town and turned left. Soon he came to the old logging road he remembered from long ago. The Jeep took the muddy ruts easy enough and soon he could see the river up ahead. Cas and Dean used to come up here to be alone. He parked and watched the fast moving river.

**Fourteen Years Ago**

_Cas and Dean had been sneaking around with each other since they were eighteen. Most people assumed they were just best friends. And they were, but they were also lovers. Sam and Dean’s mother knew the truth, Cas’ brothers knew and Dean just told Bobby. They were careful. Small town gossip could cause them some problems. Mainly with Cas’ widowed mother, a religious zealot and Dean’s father. John wouldn’t stand for his son being a fag._

_That night, John was supposed to be in Eugene picking up parts for the Mary Kate. Dean and Cas were below deck, naked and gloriously in love. They were so into making each other feel good, they didn’t hear the tread of boots on the deck. They didn’t hear the hatchway door open._

_“You little bastard,” Dean remembered his father’s shout like it was yesterday. Dean and Cas sprang apart. He remembered Cas being somewhat defiant looking. “Fucking faggots.” He pointed to Cas. “You get off my boat” Cas raised his chin and Dean was afraid of what was going to come out of his mouth, so he pleaded with him. “Cas, please, just go.”_

_Cas hastily put on his pants and reluctantly ducked out. John was red faced with anger and Dean put on his own pants, his hands shaking in fear. “You will never see him again, do you understand me, boy.”_

_“Yes, Sir.” Tears were sliding down his cheeks. Then John back handed him across the face, splitting his lip. Before he could react, his father punched him in the stomach and again in the face. Dean sank to the floor. “Please, Dad…no more.” He wouldn’t fight back. John was his father._

_John looked down at him, disgust written all over his face. “My son is not a fag,” he spat out. Then he turned and left. Dean pulled himself together and as he was leaving the dock, he snatched the faded paper stapled to the wall outside of Bobby’s office. He’d passed it hundreds of times._

_It was an advertisement for workers needed on the oil rigs off the coast of Texas. Dean went home, packed as much as he could in his backpack, took his last paycheck and all the cash he could find in the house and left. The Impala had a busted fuel pump and he gave her one last look before he ran down the street to the small grocery store. Just like he figured, the panel truck from Eugene was unloading supplies. He hitched a ride to Eugene, the driver never asked about his bloody face. In the bus station, Dean cleaned himself up as best as he could and bought a one-way ticket to Galveston, Texas. That night was the last time he talked to Cas._

_Until yesterday._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, guys. My muse is being a bitch. Just hold on, it will get better. I just have to get past the pain.


	3. The Past is the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's past pays him a visit.

**Friday**

Dean pulled his rotation on the MLB lifeboat on Friday. She was forty-seven feet and he loved her speed. They circled the harbor once and then took her out to open sea. The storms had passed and the water was calm. They came up on a pod of killer whales and Dean had them slow the boat. He never tired of watching the huge mammals.

Later that afternoon, they headed to the mouth of the harbor and shut off the engines. Once every couple of weeks, they stopped the incoming fishing boats to do spot inspections. Today was the day. As the boats came in, Dean recognized several of the captains and he was greeted warmly. The inspections took around ten to fifteen minutes. A dark green boat rounded the bend and slowed its engines. The name Sheba was painted on her starboard side. A crew member threw them a line and one of Dean’s men tied it off quickly. Dean stood on the deck and watched his men board the boat. He looked for the boat’s captain and spied him in the wheelhouse. It was Michael Novak. They locked eyes. The look on his face was pure hatred and it felt like a physical slap to Dean. Michael and Cas were close back then and by proxy, he was close to Dean. The three of them hung out together, fishing, hunting or just watching movies.

Dean looked away and retreated below deck until he heard Sheba’s engines fade away. He was on eggshells the rest of the day, praying another Novak boat wouldn’t come around the bend. His prayers were answered.

Kali was in the living room floor when he got home, playing with her dolls. Missouri sat on the couch knitting something with pink yarn. He greeted them both and shrugged off his jacket. He walked Missouri to the door and handed her a check.

“You have no idea how much I appreciate your help.”

“Kali’s a wonderful child. You’re a good father, Dean.”

“I don’t know about that.” He was just trying to do the best he could.

She reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand. “Sometimes your best is good enough, boy.”

How did she do that? It was like she could read his mind. She frowned, her hand still on his face. “Dean, you’ve got to make it right.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“That boy you hurt. You’ve got to make him listen to you. There’s forgiveness in his heart.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He backed away so her hand fell away. “I’ll see you on Monday,” he said, dismissing her.

She gave him a disappointed look and turned to go. After she left, he bundled up Kali in her jacket and grabbed a few of her things. His mom was watching her tonight so Dean and Sam could go out for a beer.

Dean pushed open the door of The Roadhouse thirty minutes later and saw Sam already at the bar. He was greeted by several of the fisherman and it took him a few minutes to make it over to Sam. He grinned at Ellen and she poured him a draft. “This place hasn’t changed.” He looked around at the pool tables and dart boards, Coast Guard personnel and folks from the town crowded around them. The old jukebox in the corner was still playing the same songs it was all those years ago. He wondered why Ellen hadn’t updated them.

“Nope, not really. You get a chance to talk to Bobby yet?”

“Yeah, the other night. I’m going to take the Impala over to his garage this weekend. Might ask him about renting one of the small berths for the skiff. We need something to go fishing in. It’ll probably need some work too.”

“I heard about the Angel going down,” Sam said, not looking at him.

“Yeah.” What did he expect Dean to say? Gee whiz, saw Cas and we kissed and made up. Dean took a sip of his beer and saw Jo coming towards him. He grinned. “Hey, Jo.”

“Dean, nice to see you in here.” She got into his personal space and he could feel the heat of her skin through his clothes. He looked to Sam for help, but Sam was staring at someone behind him. Dean turned and looked right into the face of Gabe Novak. He couldn’t seem to get away from them.

“Dean-o, long time, no see.”

“Gabe, how have you been?” Dean could be nice. They were the ones who were being open hostile.

“Can’t complain, I guess. Got a minute?” Gabe inclined his head towards the door.

“Yeah.” Dean stood, disengaging Jo from her place at his side. She scowled.

Sam stood as well, but Dean pushed him back onto his barstool. “I’ll be okay, Sam. Give me a few minutes.” He wasn’t afraid. The Novaks might be pissed off, but it wasn’t like them to risk a run-in with the law just to get a few punches in.

He followed the shorter man out of the bar. Gabe leaned against a pickup and stared up at Dean for a few seconds. “Go ahead and say what you gotta say,” Dean said, arms tense at his sides, fists clinched.

“I never expected you to come back here. After news spread that you got married and had a kid…well, folks around here thought we’d seen the last of you.”

“I guess you and your brothers were hoping that was true.”

“Not going to deny that. They don’t really care to know your side of things, but I’m a bit different.”

“My dad caught Cas and I together. He beat the shit out of me and I ran. End of story.”

“Yeah, I got that much from Castiel. At least the parts about getting caught and running away.”

“Now you know the whole story.” Dean’s fingernails were digging into his palms. He didn’t want to think about all that shit again.

“See, I don’t believe that. My little brother thought you loved him. He waited for a call, a letter…fuck, Dean, he would have left everything to go with you. He never got the chance though. You wrote him off. You know what he told me in the hospital after wrapping his Goddamn truck around a tree. He said that he was just an experiment for you and you were straight. Guess your daddy made sure of that, huh? I’ll bet John Winchester called you all kinds of names that night and you turned tail and ran from who you were.”

“I am straight,” Dean insisted.

Gabe laughed, it wasn’t a pleasant laugh. “Right. So, Castiel is the only man you’ve ever been with?”

Dean blinked. Not expecting the question.

“Just what I thought.”

Angry, Dean lashed out. “Listen to me, Gabe, you and your brothers stay away from me and I’ll stay away from you. I didn’t come back here to cause trouble. I just want to raise my kid around my family.” He turned and stomped towards the door.

Gabe’s voice reached him before he opened it. “Did you ever love him?” He didn’t answer.

Dean sank down on the barstool next to his brother. He looked at Ellen, “Whiskey.”

Sam didn’t say anything, just watched as Dean downed the shot. When he motioned for Ellen to pour him another, Sam shook his head and she hesitated. “Sammy, you ain’t my keeper.”

With a nod from Sam, Ellen refilled Dean’s glass. She cut him off at five. By then, Sam had left, angry at his older brother. So, much for catching up with Sam. Dean stood up and the room spun. It had been a long time since he tied one on. Not since Kali was born. Jo took his arm to steady him. “I’ll take you home, Dean.”

“Isss alright…I’ll walk.” He found himself in the passenger seat of a small pickup. He wasn’t headed home though, Jo was driving to the old logging road. He laughed. “I guess every kid in town used this place to make out.” Something wasn’t right, but his head felt so fuzzy. Jo parked the truck facing the river. Dean could just make out the water, its inky blackness rolling by. “Need to go home, Jo. Gotta pick up Kali.”

“I missed you, Dean. I really did.” She turned in her seat and pressed herself closer to him. Warning bells clanged in his head.

“Jo…can’t do this.”

“I’m not a little girl anymore, Dean. I’m old enough to know what I want.” She pressed her lips to his and Dean felt a wave of nausea. He tried to push her away, but her lips stayed on his. He was going to be sick. He shoved her away and opened the truck door. When he was done, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Throwing up had a way of sobering you real fast and he didn’t want to face Jo. Jo was like family. He took a deep breath and got inside the truck.

“Take me to my mom’s house, Jo.”

“Dean, I want you…”

He took her hands in his. “Jo Beth, this isn’t going to happen.”

She pulled away from him and started the ignition. “Everyone said you were gay for Castiel Novak, but then you left and we heard you got married. You’re not gay, Dean. We can…”

“Jo, there is no we.”

The tires threw dirt and gravel in all directions as she hit the gas. They didn’t speak until she screeched to a stop in front of Mary’s house. “Jo…you’re like my little sister.”

“Gee thanks, Dean. That makes everything okay,” she said sarcastically. Dean gave her one more look before getting out of the truck. She sped away before he’d even had a chance to shut the door.

“Just fuckin’ great.” He went up the steps and knocked once before opening the door. His mother sat in the living room, the TV volume low.

“Have a good time with your brother?” She asked. He knew that tone of voice.

“I’m sure Sam’s already filled you in.”

“I heard his side,” she said carefully.

“Gabe showed up wanting to talk. He said some things I didn’t want to hear.”

“Did the alcohol help?”

He huffed out a bark of laughter. “I’m not like Dad.”

“I never said you were.” When his mom got like this, he felt like he was four years old again, caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. She rose and came to sit next to him on the couch. She brushed her hand through his hair. “I guess Gabe told you about what Cas was like when you left.”

“Yeah, he wasn’t the first though. Bobby gave me the story.”

“That week after you left, he would show up here or at the coffee shop, begging for any news I had. It broke my heart. He really expected you to come back to him. When I told him you were working on an oil rig, he just stopped coming around."

_Once he got to Galveston, he signed on as a roughneck on an oil rig. He worked hard and in a few months, he’d moved up to motorhand. He kept in touch with his mother. He told her he was in Texas, and what he was doing. Just short of a year on the rig and he had enough. He talked to a Coast Guard recruiter and found himself in Camp May, New Jersey doing his basic training. His first station was Nags Head, North Carolina, by then he’d told Mary why he left. It took him until then to tell her what happened that night. John had never said a word to her about his disappearance. Ironically, right after Dean told her about it, the Mary Kate went down._

_His commanding officer pushed him to go to college and become an officer and he did, in four years’ time, he was a lieutenant and was on his way to Key West, where he commanded his own boat until two weeks ago._

Mary sat next to him, silent. Her mother’s intuition telling her he was deep in thought. “I loved him,” he finally said.

“I know you did.”

“I don’t think I can fix this, Mom.”

“You’ve got to decide if you want to fix it, Dean. It’s been fourteen years. Neither of you are the same anymore.”

He sat up, not wanting to think about it anymore. “I left the Jeep at The Roadhouse. I’ve got to walk over and get it.”

“Do that in the morning. Kali’s sleeping in your old room. Go bed down in Sam’s.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

He took off his jeans and shirt. The twin bed matched the one in his old room. He walked across the hall and checked on Kali. She was sleeping soundly, thumb in her mouth. Once in bed, he put his hands behind his head. His thoughts turned to Anna.

_He met the beautiful redhead at the Hog’s Breath Saloon in Key West. They went out a few times. She was smart and vivacious. He saw her as a friend. He hadn’t been with another man since leaving Winchester Bay, but Key West was full of gay men to hook up with and he was discreet because of his career. Unlike the men, he was free to take her out in public, to dinner…to the beach…scuba diving. She made him laugh. It took two weeks before they slept together. She made the first move and he went along because it was expected of him. He’d been with a few women in Galveston, one night stands. Anna wanted more than that, she deserved more than that. He stopped seeing other men and set out to lead a normal life. A few weeks later, she told him she was pregnant. He called his mom. She wanted to come for the wedding, but Dean told her to wait until the baby was born for her visit. There was no wedding anyway, just twenty minutes at the probate judge’s office._

_He thought Anna was happy. She taught classes at the local community college and she grew round with his child. Then she began to get withdrawn. She started fights, telling Dean he didn’t want her anymore. The sex had dropped off to only once or twice a month. When it did happen, she was the one that instigated it and Dean closed his eyes and thought of dark hair and blue eyes to keep his cock hard._

_She started taking trips to Miami for weekends, telling Dean she was staying with old college friends. He had no reason to doubt her. Then one day, he was trying to find his fishing gear when he came upon a stash of marijuana. When she got home he confronted her and she told him she needed it to relax. He saw red. She was endangering their unborn child. The fight was nasty and she finally started crying and promised she’d never do it again. The trust was gone and Dean watched her like a hawk. He also moved out of their bedroom._

_Kali was born a week early and Dean fell in love with the little girl. Anna didn’t want to stay at home and she went back to work when Kali was two weeks old. Dean hated putting her in daycare, but he had no choice. Anna wasn’t a loving mother, she barely tolerated Kali. Dean talked to Sam about divorce and his chances for custody._

_A few days after his call with Sam, he was at work when the base commander sent two shore patrol officers to pick him up. He didn’t know what was going on and then they told him Anna was killed in Miami. She’d been at a crack house. She’d been stabbed._

_He was numb and went through the motions of arranging her funeral. Her parents wanted to take Kali until Dean could figure out what he was going to do, but he refused. His mom came down when Kali was born, but she offered to fly down again. Dean needed her._

Two weeks later, he found a mother of two, who needed some extra money and she agreed to watch Kali. Allie kept Kali until Dean and his daughter left Key West.

Dean blamed himself for Anna’s unhappiness. He should have tried harder to be what she wanted. Dean barely slept that night.

**Saturday**

His mom fixed a big breakfast and after they ate, he put Kali in her jacket and took her with him on the walk to get his car. Main Street on a Saturday morning was bustling with activity. He could see the empty slips and he knew most of the fishing fleet was out. Salmon season was almost over and they were trying to get in as much as they could.

After he put Kali in her carseat, he drove to Bobby’s office. He borrowed the keys to the old tow truck and switched Kali’s seat over. It didn’t take him long to hook the Impala up and tow her to the garage next to Bobby’s house. She was covered in dust and cobwebs from being stored for fourteen years, but he looked at her lovingly. He took the tow truck back and went home.

Benny showed up around five loaded down with groceries and beer. He made faces at Kali and swung her up in the air. His little girl fell in love with the gruff Cajun. Dean acted as the man’s sous chef. Together they had a huge pot of jambalaya ready for consumption. It was too spicy for Kali, so she got spaghetti-os.

“I heard you laid into Chuck on Thursday.”

Dean groaned. “So, everyone thinks I’m a dick now, huh?”

“No. You’ve treated everyone with respect and you’ve shown you aren’t afraid to get your hands dirty.”

“But?”

“There’s been some talk.”

Dean threw his fork down in frustration. “The men think I’m a fag now. Right? That’s just fuckin’ great.”

Benny looked at Kali happily eating her food with her fingers. He nodded to the kitchen. When Dean followed, Benny rounded on him. “Just so you know, I don’t like that term. I find it disrespectful, as do most of the men. If you think that way, my best advice to you is keep it to yourself. Castiel is a friend of mine. He’s also a friend of Chuck’s. Chuck wasn’t bashing Castiel, not by a long shot. He’d say it to Castiel’s face and he’d laugh along with Chuck.”

Dean felt thoroughly chastised. “I didn’t know. I sounded like Chuck was…”

“Well, he wasn’t.”

“I get that.”

Benny started cleaning up the kitchen and by the way he was slamming things around, Dean knew he was still pissed. “Hey, about that word…I don’t use it. My father… I’m sorry, alright?”

Benny’s shoulders relaxed and the slamming stopped. Dean went to check on Kali. She was done eating and he cleaned her up as best he could. Spaghetti-os were a wearable food according to his daughter. “Hey, Benny, find us a movie while I go bathe this disgusting creature.”

Dean stripped her in the bathroom and grimaced when he found the little round noodles inside her panties. “How does this even happen, Princess?”

“Bath.”

“Yes, you are in dire need of a hose down.” He filled the tub and sat her down in two inches of warm water. She reached for her toys and let Dean manhandle her until she was clean and freshly shampooed. He wrapped her in a towel and quickly got her pajamas on.

When they came downstairs, Benny gave him a disgusted look. “You do realize most of your movies are made by Disney, right?”

“No, man, my movies are in the cabinet to the left of the TV.”

Benny opened the cabinet and started going through them. Dean was putting Kali on the rug when Benny’s next words made his blood run cold. “You haven’t even unpacked them all…oh.” Dean’s small collection of porn was in a small shoebox behind the rest of his DVD collection. Porn wouldn’t have been bad…gay porn was bad. Benny was looking at him, understanding dawning on his face.

“Dean…”

“No…it’s not…it’s not mine.” Dean couldn’t think. “I’ve been married. I have a baby….” He sat down heavily on the couch, his hands wringing together.

Benny picked up Kali and took her upstairs. Dean heard the big man crooning to his little girl. Some Cajun song, he assumed. Dean could handle this, he’d just tell Benny that those DVDs belonged to…to who…a friend? If Benny gave him a hard time…fuck…Dean was his commanding officer…he could have him stationed somewhere else…he could send the man to Alaska…the Aleutians…

He heard the heavy tread on the steps and he looked up. Benny went into the kitchen and came back with Dean’s bottle of whiskey and two glasses. “Brother, I don’t care about what goes on in your bedroom.”

Hysterical laughter bubbled up in Dean chest. Nothing was going on in his bedroom. Nothing, but a tired as fuck right hand. Benny was looking at him with concern. He quickly poured the whiskey and handed Dean his shot. Dean downed it quickly.

“You want to talk about it?” Benny sipped his whiskey and sat down in Dean’s recliner.

“Nothing to talk about.” Dean stared at his empty glass. Benny sat quietly, the clock on the mantel ticked softly. “I was in love with Cas…Castiel. We were together and then I left him. Just like that. No explanation, nothing.” Dean rolled the glass between his palms, not daring to look at Benny. He waited for Benny to say something, but he didn’t.

“The first time I see him in fourteen years and I let his boat sink.”

“I heard the account of what happened that day, Dean. You couldn’t have saved the Angel. It would have been suicide to try. Castiel knows that.”

“He hates me.”

“Do you still love him?”

“Hell, Benny, it’s been fourteen years. It’s all water under the bridge, ya know.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Benny tone was soothing and Dean relaxed.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know anymore.”

They sat up until two in the morning, watching movies. Dean was relieved that Benny didn’t ask any more questions. They fell asleep, Dean on the couch, Benny in the recliner. Kali’s cries woke him up. He jumped up and ran upstairs. Huge alligator tears ran down her cheeks. “Oh, Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” No telling how long she was up there crying. Her face was blotchy. She’d not only wet her pull-up, but pooped as well. She hadn’t done that in months and Dean knew it upset her.

He held her little body as the racking sobs slowed to tiny hiccups. His own tears mixed with hers. He was a failure. He failed at everything…his father had been right. He was a failure at fatherhood, at love, at marriage, at being a good brother, a good son…

Dean realized Kali was staring at him. She patted his cheeks, tiny fingers touching his tears. “Daddy sad.”

“No, Baby, Daddy’s fine.”

Once she was clean and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, he washed his face and carried her downstairs. Benny was at the coffeemaker and looked up when they entered. “There’s the prettiest girl in the world.”

She grinned at him and he rubbed his beard across her face until she was giggling.

Benny left not too long afterwards and Dean was faced with a long Sunday afternoon with nothing to do. He could go work on the Impala, but Kali would need someone to watch her. He could go to his mother’s house early, but since he was going over for Sunday dinner…nope… He could put Kali in her stroller and go for a walk around town…catch up with old friends…see what’s changed…but no, there was a chance he’d run into one of the Novaks. He frowned. The Novak family didn’t own this town, his family was here long before the Novaks. Hell, it was named Winchester Bay after all. He wasn’t going to let them keep him from enjoying the town he grew up in.

“Come on, Princess. Let’s get your jacket on. We are going for a walk.”

“Walk,” Kali repeated and ran after her father to the coat closet. Dean stored the stroller in there as well, so it wasn’t long before they were walking towards Main Street. It was still early enough that most people were in church. Winchester Bay only had one church. Father O’Brien had been the priest since Sam was born. He saw the pretty white church as he turned on the road that led through the center of town. Cars and trucks were parked all around it. He saw Sam’s vehicle and two of the familiar white Novak trucks.

Dean headed for the docks. Kali pointed to the gulls, the boats, the water. She was enjoying her ride. Dean was laughing at the way she was squealing at the large crab someone painted on the wall of the bait house, when a figure appeared on the dock. Dean moved aside, so the man could pass, but he was concentrating on getting the stroller out of the way so he didn’t look up.

“She looks like you.” The husky voice stopped Dean’s heart. His eyes flew up and collided with the intense blue ones of Castiel Novak. He was dressed in jeans, rubber fisherman’s boots and a gray hoodie. His hair teased by the breeze off the water.

“Cas…”

“Nobody calls me that anymore.” Dean watched the man’s chin rise slightly.

“Oh…okay…”

Without another word, Cas passed him and Dean watched him walk to the end of the dock and disappear. A few minutes later, a truck engine could be heard and Dean saw a white SUV pulling away heading north.

“Go,” Kali shouted. She hated sitting still. Dean started walking again, but now he wasn’t nearly as interested as he was before he saw Cas. Fourteen years was a long time. Dean knew he’d aged. He had crow’s feet around his eyes. He sure as hell didn’t have the six pack abs like he used to. Cas had a few lines on his face too. He was still fit and trim. Of course, working on fishing boat kept you buff. He wondered if Cas still ran every morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still a lot of angst, I know, but hey, at least Cas spoke to him, right? A few more rough seas and then it will be smooth sailing. Okay, enough of the ocean-ey metaphors.


	4. Looking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Dean's written apology make a difference?

**Monday**

“Winchester!” Dean’s head came up. He’d been at work for thirty minutes and his desk was completely covered with paperwork. He still hadn’t finished the report about the Angel rescue. He stood quickly and walked across the hall.

“Yes, Sir?” Crowley looked like he was going to have an aneurysm.

“Is your mother nice?” Dean opened his mouth to answer, but Crowley was on a roll. “Of course, she is. She bakes cookies and cakes. I’ll bet she sings and wears frilly aprons…”

“Sir? Is something…wrong?”

“My mother is a witch.” Dean’s eyes didn’t betray his thoughts. The captain appeared to be losing it. “She could fuck up a wet dream.”

“Uhm…”

“She is being kicked out of the fourth retirement home this year. Fourth, Winchester. Rowena is a complete bitch.” He paused to rub his fingers through his short hair. “I have to fly out tonight. You will be in command until I return.”

“But…”

At Crowley’s glare, Dean shut his mouth. “The Blessing of the Fleet is this Sunday. I will try to be back, but in case I cannot find a way to kill my mother and make it look accidental, you will prepare the boats. Full dress uniforms, the priest will be aboard the MLB and you will be his escort. Blah, blah, blah…you should know the drill.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“My leave starts…” He looked at his watch. “…now. Take care of the training exercise this afternoon.” The officer stood and began shoving papers and files into his briefcase. He looked back up at Dean, who was still standing there. “That’s all.”

Dean saluted and backed out of the office. It was going to be a busy week. He rushed to finish his paperwork before lunch. The report of the rescue was filed electronically and a copy was to be sent to the owner. Dean didn’t have Cas’ email. He didn’t want it…didn’t want the temptation. He sent a copy to Chief Turner and asked him to forward to the Cas. All fishing and pleasure craft were registered with the Coast Guard, so Dean figured Turner would have access.

Ten minutes later, his inbox chirped to let him know he had mail. “Damn it, Rufus,” Dean muttered. Turner had sent the email and copied Dean, giving Dean access to Cas’ email. He stared at it. Temptation. Dean could resist anything, but temptation.

_**TO: CJNovak@novakbrothersfishing.com** _

_**FROM: R.Turner@military.uscg.mil** _

_**CC: D.Winchester@military.uscg.mil** _

_**SUBJECT: Angel, Fishing Vessel registered at CGS Umpqua River** _

_**Mon 6/29/15 10:58** _

**_Mr. Novak,_ **

**_I’ve attached the report of the 06/24/2015 incident involving your fishing vessel, Angel, for your insurance company. If you need any further assistance, please contact Lt. Com. Dean Winchester or myself._ **

Like Cas would contact Dean for anything. Dean closed the email and stood up. It was time for lunch. He wanted to avoid Jo since Friday’s drunken disaster, but he was hungry. He had to face the music sometime and he couldn’t avoid her forever.

The bar was full of Coasties and he waved to a few of the men and women he recognized. Thankfully, he didn’t see Jo. Ellen sent him a smile from the end of the bar and he took a seat. She finished running a ticket and came over to stand in front of him. “What’ll you have, Sailor?”

“I think I’ll do the chicken sandwich today.”

He was halfway through it when he looked around the room again and saw Cas, Chuck and a few other men at a corner table. Chuck saw him and waved. Cas looked over and looked away. It was then that someone played a song on the jukebox that sent Dean back fifteen years.

_Cas and Dean were out in the skiff, both dressed in cutoff jeans and nothing else. They were fishing, the sun was beating down on them and Cas’ small radio began to play a song by Tim McGraw. Cas and Dean started to sing it, at first loud and silly, but by the fourth stanza, Cas’ smile faded and he sang it directly to Dean. Dean’s voice trailed off as he listened to the song he’d heard dozens of times before, but the words didn’t register until that moment._

_**I never had no one that I could count on** _

_**I've been let down so many times** _

_**I was tired of hurtin', so tired of searchin'** _

_**'Til you walked into my life** _

 

_**It was a feelin'** _

_**I'd never known** _

_**And for the first time** _

**_I didn't feel alone_ **

 

**_You're more than a lover_ **

**_There could never be another_ **

**_To make me feel the way you do_ **

**_Oh, we just get closer_ **

**_I fall in love all over_ **

**_Every time I look at you_ **

 

**_I don't know where I'd be_ **

**_Without you here with me_ **

**_Life with you makes perfect sense_ **

**_You're my best friend_ **

**_You're my best friend, oh yeah_ **

 

**_You stand by me and you believe in me_ **

**_Like nobody ever has_ **

**_When my world goes crazy, you're right there to save me_ **

**_You make me see how much I have_ **

 

**_And I still tremble_ **

**_When we touch_ **

**_And oh, the look in your eyes_ **

**_When we make love_ **

 

**_You're more than a lover_ **

**_There could never be another_ **

**_To make me feel the way you do_ **

**_Oh, we just get closer_ **

**_I fall in love all over_ **

**_Every time I look at you_ **

 

**_And I don't know where I'd be_ **

**_Without you here with me_ **

**_Life with you makes perfect sense_ **

**_You're my best friend_ **

**_You're my best friend_ **

 

**_You're more than a lover_ **

**_There could never be another_ **

**_To make me feel the way you do_ **

**_Oh, we just get closer_ **

**_I fall in love all over_ **

**_Every time I look at you_ **

 

**_And I don't know where I'd be_ **

**_Without you here with me_ **

**_Life with you makes perfect sense_ **

**_You're my best friend_ **

**_You're my best friend, oh yeah_ **

**_You're my best friend_ **

**_You're my best friend_ **

 

True to the memory, at the fourth stanza Cas looked directly at Dean and their eyes met and held. Dean was the first to look away. He pushed his sandwich away, his appetite gone. He left money on the bar and walked out. Something had to give. He was going to see Cas round town. What had he been expecting? For Cas to have moved away…or found someone and gotten married…or maybe just look at Dean and say everything was forgiven.

Back at the station, Dean went to the operations building and started the training drill. So far, none of the men had treated him any differently since he outburst with Chuck. He trusted Benny to keep his mouth shut. Like the big Cajun said, it wasn’t anyone’s business what Dean did in his bedroom.

At four-thirty, Dean was packing up his things when his mother called. “Sam has to work late tonight and Jess is bringing the boys by to see me. I just wondered if I could pick up Kali and watch her for a few hours.”

“Sure. What time do you want me to pick her up?”

“Is eight too late?”

“No, that’s fine. If you could just get Missouri to grab a pair of her pajamas.”

Maybe he could call Benny and see if he wanted to do something. He got into the Jeep and picked up his phone, but instead of dialing Benny’s number, he followed Main south, he turned onto Highway 101 and followed it to the turnoff for Lighthouse Road. He told himself he was just going to go up to the lighthouse and look around. He found the small dirt driveway and followed it until he could see the pass through the trees. The boathouse bobbed in the water. There were no vehicles around and he was relieved. He was being stupid. This was causing him a lot of confusion and heartache. He turned around and started back down the driveway. He almost made it out, but a white SUV came around the bend. Both vehicles stopped about four feet from each other. The lane was too narrow to pull over. One of them would have to back up. In the late afternoon sun, he could see Cas behind the wheel. Their engines idled, neither willing to move. Finally, after five long minutes, Cas turned off his ignition and got out of his truck. He came around and leaned on his front bumper, arms crossed, staring at Dean.

Dean followed suit. “Cas.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Castiel, then…”

“Why are you on my property, Dean?” Cas’ voice wasn’t belligerent, but it wasn’t warm and welcoming either.

Dean’s mind raced. Why was he here? The truth…he wanted to see where Cas called home. The lie, “I just wanted to make sure you had everything for your insurance company.”

Cas smirked at him. “That’s the best you can do?”

Dean shoved his hands in his pockets and exhaled slowly. “Look, Cas…Castiel, I’m sorry about the Angel. I wish we could have saved her.”

“Not your fault. Just so you know, I don’t blame you for letting her go down. I was just pissed.”

“I understand. I’d feel the same way in your shoes.”

“Yeah, well, is that it?”

“Oh, sure, yeah. I’ll just go now.” Dean turned to get back in his Jeep.

“I wish you’d never come back.” Cas’ words were so soft, Dean wasn’t sure he heard them. He looked back, but Cas was getting in his truck. Cas was the one who backed down the drive. He turned out on Lighthouse Road and waited for Dean to move out of his way. Dean watched in his rearview mirror as Cas turned back into his driveway and disappeared behind the trees.

He went to the house, fixed himself a sandwich and watched a rerun of Law and Order: SVU. He’d been stupid to go to Cas’ place. He couldn’t blame the man for hating him. He couldn’t blame him, but it didn’t make it hurt less.

Dean got to his mother’s house at quarter to eight. Kali was in her pajamas and sitting in his mom’s lap. She looked sleepy and when she saw her father, she just held up her hands to be taken. She laid her head on Dean’s shoulder. “Someone’s tired.”

“She played very hard with the twins.”

“Thanks for doing this, Mom.”

“Dean, are you okay?” There was motherly concern in her eyes.

“Sure, everything’s fine.”

His mother shook her head slowly. “I don’t think it is. There’s an old saying, ‘You can never go home again’. I think in some ways it’s true. Home is never going to be the same after you’ve been gone for a few years. Your friends have families of their own now. Sam isn’t the gangly teenager you left here. Castiel…well…you hurt him…you broke his heart into a million pieces. I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty, Dean. I saying this so maybe you can fix things. Your friends are still your friends, just older…wiser…with kids of their own. Sam might not be a teenager anymore, but he still needs you. You and Castiel, you two were inseparable…give him time to get over the shock of having you home again…”

“Cas hates me. He’ll never forgive me and I…I just don’t…deserve his forgiveness. If the roles were reversed, I would never forgive him.”

Mary laid a soothing hand on his shoulder. “I don’t believe that.”

**Tuesday**

Without the captain around, the admin building was pretty quiet most of the morning. Dean got more of his paperwork done. He brought his lunch that morning, so at eleven-thirty, he took his little cooler to the small pavilion next to the boat maintenance facility. There were already a few people sitting around the picnic table. Dean sat down next to Angi and across from Chuck. Chuck had gotten over Dean’s flash of temper on the boat and there wasn’t any residual tension with any of the men. He opened up the cooler to see what Missouri had packed him. He stared inside in dismay. Angi looked over his shoulder and burst out laughing.

“Not funny,” Dean muttered. Missouri packed him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a small bag of potato chips, an apple and a juice box. Whether she did it on purpose or just didn’t know how to pack a lunch for a grown man, Dean didn’t know.

Soon, everyone was laughing. “Y’all just yuck it up. Everybody is running suicide drills this afternoon.” At the collective groan, Dean smirked.

“Come on, Commander, we were just playing around,” said Seaman Garth Fitzgerald. The skinny, little Seaman was a Gunner’s Mate. From what Dean saw in his file, the man was a crack shot. He manned the machine guns on the LE.

“Give me half your sandwich and I’ll let you off,” Dean said, holding out his hand. The crew laughed as Garth handed over half of his huge sub sandwich.

After lunch, Dean watched the LE leave for patrol. The MLB was up on davits while the maintenance crew changed out its props. He talked to the men for a short time and then went back to his office.

Despite how busy he was, the day dragged on and he found his mind wandering. Was Cas looking for a boat to replace the Angel? What was he doing with his days now that he didn’t have a boat? Who was Will and what had he meant to Cas? The questions kept coming and Dean tried to tamp them down. He’d put Cas out of his thoughts for so long…knowing they were in the same town again was eating him alive.

He was answering a few emails when he eyes saw yesterday’s email from Rufus to Cas. His hand hovered over his mouse. Unbidden, he clicked on Cas’ highlighted email address. A new window appeared, Cas’ name in the ‘to’ box.

Before he could think about it…before he could second guess himself, he typed out the words, ‘I’m sorry for everything.’ He closed his eyes and clicked the mouse.

Before he went to bed that night, he checked his email one last time. He hadn’t expected an answer. He shouldn’t have been disappointed.

**Wednesday**

Dean ran up the gangplank. He was late. Kali threw a fit about her clothes this morning and then she dumped her cereal all over the floor. When Missouri arrived, Dean hadn’t even taken a shower yet.

Everyone was already on the bridge and he apologized to the crew. “Chief, take us out.”

It was quite a contrast to the previous Wednesday. Today’s seas were calm and the blue sky was laced with white fluffy clouds. The cutter made her rounds up the coast and then out to sea. Dean left the bridge and stood at the bow. The crab boats were out and they passed a few fishing boats too. Dean threw up his hand if they passed close enough.

Heading into port, the Chinook came up on a troller. Its line poles were up and the engine compartment was open. Dean held up a fist, elbow bent to show the bridge to slow the engines. He saw the name, Loki II, and called out as the cutter drew alongside. “Need a tow?”

Gabe poked his head up out of the compartment. Dean groaned. Just who he wanted to see. “I might. Can you give me another five?”

Dean nodded and one of his crew tossed over a tow line to hold the boats together. One of Gabe’s men caught the rope and tied it off. A dark head appeared next to Gabe shaking his head. Gabe frowned. Dean would recognize that head of hair anywhere. God must really hate him. Cas and Gabe both crawled out of the hatch and Gabe came to the rail. “Hydraulic line is busted.”

Dean nodded to his deck crew and they moved to the stern to set up towing lines. “We’ll come about and toss over the lines.”

“Thanks, Dean,” Gabe called out. Dean noticed Cas watching him. He met his eyes. He didn’t see the open hostility he’d seen before. Now, he was looking at Dean like he was a new life form. The cutter began to move and Dean took one last look at Cas before he turned and headed for the bridge.

It didn’t take long for his crew to get the cutter in position to tow the smaller craft. “Fifteen knots, Chief.”

“Aye, Commander, fifteen knots.”

The cutter’s engines hummed and she moved easily through the water. As she entered the pass, Dean called for the engines to drop down to five knots. There wasn’t enough room for the cutter to turn around in the marina, so Dean had his crew tow her into the cutter’s berthing area. Someone from the marina could come get Gabe’s boat from there.

Dean’s crew as already tying up the cutter and releasing the tow ropes. Dean walked down the gangplank and met Gabe on the dock. Cas must have remained on board the Loki II. “Thanks again, Dean.”

“It’s my job,” Dean said, glancing back at the boat.

Gabe saw him and smirked. “If my little brother wants to talk to you, you’ll know.” Gabe gave him one final look before he made a call from his cell.

**Saturday**

Dean hooked up the skiff’s trailer to the Jeep. Sam was going to meet him at the docks. He wanted to see what needed to be done to get the small boat seaworthy. Kali was babbling happily in her carseat as Dean drove slowly towards the marina. Bobby was going to let him use the boatyard to work on it. Sam was leaning on his car when Dean pulled in. His brother was still standoffish since Dean’s drunken night at The Roadhouse, but Dean hoped he wouldn’t hold a grudge for long. He’d have to find a way to make it up to Sam.

He sat up Kali’s pack-n-play and dumped out a bag of toys. When he sat her down inside the playpen, he told her to be good. Soon, Dean and Sam at the motor torn apart. Dean had mumbled an apology and Sam had nodded and that was that. Kali was only about five feet from them, playing quietly in the shade of one of the bigger boats up on jacks next to them.

Sam could only give him a few hours because Jess wanted to take the boys into Eugene to do some shopping. After his brother left, the heat got too much and Dean pulled off his shirt. He was so involved in checking intake valves that he didn’t hear Cas come up.

“I wondered if you got inked up. Most sailors do.”

Dean banged his knuckles on the housing. “Fuck.” He spun around, rubbing his hand. Cas regarded him, head tilted slightly. He was referencing the tattoos Dean had on each bicep. One was the Coast Guard anchor and the other was a compass. There were a thousand things Dean wanted to say, but all he could manage was, “Gabe get his boat running?”

“He did.”

“That’s…good.”

Cas turned to look at Kali, who was standing up and looking at him, thumb stuck in her mouth. “Kali, baby, get your thumb out of your mouth.” She removed it for all of ten seconds before putting it back in. Cas smiled. Dean’s heart beat faster.

“Stubborn like her father.”

“Very. I’m being paid back for all the shit I got into as a kid.”

Cas’ eyes swung back to Dean’s. “I hated you for a long time, Dean.”

Dean looked down, placing the wrench he was holding in his toolbox. “I deserved it.”

“Tell me about the night you left. Tell me what your father said that was so bad you left…town.” Dean heard the unsaid words, ‘you left me’.

“That was a long time ago, Cas…Castiel. Life goes on.” Dean shrugged, eyes squinted against the noonday sun.

“How can I forgive you when you won’t tell me why you did what you did?” So, he had gotten Dean’s email.

“He knocked me around…” Anger flashed across Cas’ face. “…called me a few choice names and told me never to see you again.”

Cas’ eyes narrowed. “You followed your father’s orders, just like always.”

“What?” Dean straightened his shoulders. “What are you talking about?”

“He told you never to see me again. That’s exactly what you did. Even beyond the grave, you followed his orders like a good boy.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Cas?”

“He died, Dean. He fucking died and you still didn’t come home…you still didn’t call…” Cas shouted.

Kali began to whimper. Dean went over and picked her up. “Shhh, Princess. It’s okay.” He kissed her cheek. When he turned around again, Cas was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is entitled My Best Friend. Written by William Luther and Aimee Mayo. Recorded by Tim McGraw.
> 
> They are getting there, taking baby steps.


	5. Tell Him Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean takes time to reflect. And takes a big step forward. Will Cas meet him halfway

Dean packed up his toolbox and Kali’s stuff. He wouldn’t get anything else done today. He swung by his mom’s coffee shop. Mary was behind the counter packing up baked goods for the Blessing of the Fleet. “Hello there, Precious,” she said to Kali.

She sat the box down and came around the counter. “What brings you here? I thought you were going to be working on the skiff all day.”

“Cas stopped by.”

“Oh.” Mary touched Dean’s arm. “Are you okay?”

“I guess.” Mary went back behind the counter and poured them both a coffee. She called to Becky to finish packing up the boxes while she led Dean to a small table in the back.

“Talk to me, Sweetheart.”

Dean told her about their short conversation. Funny how he could never talk to anyone about his feelings. Talking was for chicks. But his mom…she was always able to get him to spill his guts with just a word or a touch.

“Honey, what upsets you more, what he said, or that it was true?”

Dean pushed his coffee away, sloshing it on the table. “Whose side are you on?”

“Uh oh,” Kali said, looking at the mess her father made.

“Dean, this isn’t about taking sides. You never contacted him after you left, not once. Did you blame him for some reason?”

“No. Hell, no.” Dean said, vehemently. Kali popped her thumb in her mouth and he absently pushed her hand away with his forefinger.

“Just something to think about,” Mary said softly.

Dean looked at her, frowning. “I don’t blame him for anything, okay.”

“Okay, Sweetheart. Is your captain back from his leave yet?” Mary changed the subject.

“No. It looks like I’m doing the whole Blessing of the Fleet thing.”

“You should be honored.”

“Right. I get to put on my dress uniform and stand around with Father O’Brien all day. He’s going to bitch at me about coming to church.”

“Well…”

“Don’t start, Mom.”

_As he made dinner that night, he thought about what his mother said. Did he blame Cas for the shit storm that happened that night? It was fucked up. It wasn’t Cas’ fault they were on the boat…_

_“Cas, I just don’t think this is a good idea.” Dean looked around the docks nervously._

_“You said your dad went to Eugene. No one’s around.”_

_Dean found the right key on his ring and opened the hatch. They stepped down into the galley. Dean pulled two beers out of the mini-fridge. Before he could even uncap them, Cas was on him. Within minutes, they were both naked and on the bed tucked into the bow of the boat. He had Cas’ dick in his mouth, fingers deep in his ass…Cas was gorgeous and making the sweetest noises…Dean was gazing up at him and that’s how John found them._

Cas had wanted to have sex on the Mary Kate. Dean had been afraid. “I can’t blame him,” Dean said to himself. He could have said no. Had he been blaming Cas all those years ago? Was that why he didn’t contact him? His thoughts were in turmoil. Blaming Cas was wrong…just another thing to feel guilty about.

**Sunday**

Dean’s shoes were spit-shined, his uniform was stiff with starch and he was uncomfortable. He stood on the bow of the MLB with Father O’Brien in his priest’s robes. All of the station’s boats where anchored in the harbor with their crews dressed similarly to Dean. The fishing and pleasure boats formed a parade, each boat decorated with flags and streamers. As they filed past the MLB, the priest said a short prayer and waved a bough dipped in holy water across their bows.

As the Novak brothers’ boats came into view, Dean’s collar felt tighter and he ran his finger under it. Luc’s boat, the She-Devil was first. He nodded to the priest and dropped a wreath into the water for those lost at sea. Michael, in the Sheba, came next followed by Balthazar in The Rose. Gabe brought up the rear. The Loki II chugged by slowly cutting through the water dotted with floral wreaths. Dean didn’t see Cas at all. He’d expected him to be on the deck of one of his brothers’ boats.

Talk around town was that Cas was leaving tomorrow to go to Alaska to look at two boats for sale up there. Dean also found out Cas’ crew was being taken care of by Cas and his brothers. He hated admitting the Novaks were a class act, but actions spoke louder than words.

When the last boat was blessed, Dean called for the Coast Guard’s boats to return to port. They dropped Father O’Brien off at the marina first.

“Bless you, Dean.”

“Thank you, Father.”

“I expect to see you next Sunday. I’ve heard your daughter is an angel.”

“We’ll see. I may have to work,” Dean lied.

The priest grinned. “Son, lying to a priest isn’t the smartest thing to do. Remember, I baptized you and if I recall, it was you who rigged the bucket of water to the sacristy door. Mrs. Daniel’s had to play the organ with a wet, drooping hairdo.”

Dean grinned. “I will deny that until my dying day, Father.”

“You are a scoundrel, Dean Winchester. I will begin to pray that your little girl gives you as much grief as you gave your parents.” Dean jumped to the dock and gave his hand to the elderly priest.

“That’s one prayer that might come true.” The priest laughed and waved as Dean stepped back up onto the deck of the MLB.

Dean made sure all the boats were moored and then gave the men and women under his command a salute before releasing them from duty to enjoy the street party in town. Those on duty for the day carried emergency radios so they could still enjoy the festivities.

Later, after he’d changed, he joined his daughter and the rest of his family. Tents were set up all along Main Street next to the Marina and Mary’s coffee shop was giving away cookies in the shapes of boats. Dean wolfed down a corndog and pushed Kali in her stroller. He approached a white tent and it wasn’t until he was in front of it that he saw the logo. Cas, Gabe and Michael were standing behind a table. Michael scowled at him, Cas looked like he wanted to be anywhere by there and Gabe actually grinned.

“Buy a calendar, Dean-o. All proceeds go towards the Maritime Foundation.” Dean was familiar with the foundation. Among other things, they helped families of men lost at sea.

Dean took out his wallet. “How much?”

“Ten dollars,” Gabe answered. Dean tossed a twenty onto the table. Gabe shoved a calendar into his hands. “Need change?”

“No.” Dean spared Cas a look and found the man watching him. He turned away when he saw Dean looking at him. Dean tucked the calendar into Kali’s diaper bag hanging from the handle of the stroller.

Dean met up with Sam and Jess later on in the evening. The twins and Kali went home with Mary. She said she didn’t care about listening to the band or the street dance. Dean didn’t either, but since he was still technically representing the station, he felt he should be there. He saw a lot of his men and women walking among the crowd. Was that Ensign Tran in the dunking booth? Dean laughed and joined the line. Father O’Brien must have turned up the guilt. The sign said all money would go towards new choir robes. Dean paid his money and tossed the baseball into the air a few times. Kevin Tran looked horrified. He’d been heckling all the contestants until Dean came up. Dean guessed throwing verbal jabs at your commanding officer wasn’t something he wanted to risk. To put the young man at ease. Dean called him by his first name instead of Tran like he normally did.

“Kevin, I’m not wearing my uniform tonight.” Dean wound up and threw. His first ball missed.

“You throw like a girl, Commander.” Dean grinned and a few people gathered around. “I’ve seen more heat in a toaster.”

Dean tossed the ball in the air again and caught it. “You’re mine, Tran.”

“He’s got about as much control as two rabbits on their first date.” The crowd laughed at Tran’s insults and Dean shook his head. He reared back for the pitch and saw Cas standing in the crowd. He was grinning. Dean let the ball go and it hit the front of the tank. The crowd groaned.

“Maybe you’re a lefty, Commander, cause you sure can’t throw with your right hand. You need me to get someone from navigation to help you find the target.”

“You’re going down, Tran.” Dean wound up once more and hit the target with a resounding twack. Kevin hit the water and the crowd roared. Dean found Cas quickly and their eyes met. Cas grin faded and he disappeared into the crowd.

Dean pushed his disappointment away and pasted on a smile. He found Sam and Jess standing behind him and he let Sam lead them out of the small mob of people. They ate hot dogs cooked by the volunteer fire department and funnel cakes made by the Coast Guard’s mess hall. The band was out of Eugene and they played country music. When he was younger, he loved it, but now he preferred classic rock. Give him Metallica or AC/DC any day.

“I think I’m going to pick up Kali and head home. I’ve got an early day tomorrow. Dean packed up a sleepy Kali and pushed the stroller through the still crowded street towards home. It was a good day. He quickly got his daughter in her pajamas and put to bed. When he was folding up the stroller, he saw the calendar he’d bought from Gabe. He looked at the cover. It was entitled ‘Men of the Northwest Fishing Fleet’. He flipped through it until he came to August. There were the Novak Brothers, all shirtless, all on Luc’s boat, the She-Devil. Cas was standing with one foot propped up on the winch, his jeans were slung low on his hips, baseball hat on backwards and the yellow fishing boots, faded with age.

Dean sat down on the couch, staring at the picture for a long time. Cas had filled out since he was in his early twenties. Dean traced his finger over the glossy photo. Old feelings stirred in his belly, feelings he’d repressed for so very long.

**Monday**

Dean sat at his desk. He wasn’t getting anything accomplished. He had a decision to make and it weighed heavy on his mind. Captain Crowley was due to return tomorrow and he knew he should be focused on the business of running a Coast Guard station, not worrying about whether or not he should try to talk his old boyfriend again.

“Fuck it.” The temptation was too great. He was too chickenshit to call…even if he did find Cas’ number. An email was impersonal, but Dean was scared shitless.

_**TO: CJNovak@novakbrothersfishing.com** _

_**FROM: D.Winchester@military.uscg.mil** _

_**SUBJECT: Meeting?** _

_**Mon 7/06/15 9:45** _

_**Castiel,** _

_**Will you…** _

He shouldn’t be using his work email for this. He should use his personal account. Delete.

**_TO: CJNovak@novakbrothersfishing.com_ **

**_FROM: Impala67@yahoo.com_ **

**_SUBJECT: Meeting?_ **

**_Mon 7/06/15 9:49_ **

**_Castiel,_ **

**_~~I was wondering~~ _ **

He wasn’t in high school for God’s sake.

**_Castiel,_ **

**_I want to talk. Please_ **

**_Dean_ **

Short and to the point. He said please. He didn’t say please very often because he wanted it to mean something, he hoped Cas picked up on that. His finger hovered over the mouse. He put the curser on the send icon, closed his eyes and clicked.

_Sending…_

What had he just done? He was an idiot. Lunch came and went. His stomach was in knots, so he worked instead of taking a break. The afternoon training came and went. He found himself checking his email every five minutes. There was no answer from Cas. Honestly, he knew it was stupid to think there would be. Cas made his feelings known. What could he say to defend himself anyway? There was no defense for leaving Cas without a call or even a cowardly note.

He knew without a doubt now that Missouri wasn’t a psychic. She was great and he liked her, but she couldn’t ‘see’ things. Telling Dean that Cas had forgiveness in his heart. Bullshit. Complete bullshit. When he got home, he brought his foul mood with him.

“Daddy. Daddy.” His little girl ran across the floor, sending her large Duplo blocks flying in all directions.

“I wish you wouldn’t let her play with those in the living room. I’ll be picking them up days from now.” His voice was harsh and Kali pulled back from her hug and looked into his face.

“Daddy mad.”

“I will pick them up,” Missouri said curtly. “Kali, come help Missouri pick up your toys.”

Kali struggled to get down and Dean sat her on the floor. She immediately started helping Missouri pick up the colorful blocks and putting them in the storage bucket. He felt like a shit. He knelt down and grabbed a few of the blocks to toss in the bucket.

“Someone had a bad day,” Missouri murmured.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“He’ll answer you.”

“Huh?”

“Huh? I thought you had a college education, young man,” Missouri said as she hauled herself to her feet.

“What are you talking about?” Dean put another handful of blocks away and stood too.

“Your boy. He’ll answer. Just give him time.”

“How did you…” She was giving him a ‘you are so dense’ look. He hated those looks. He got them a lot in Basic Training.

“Go fix supper for your baby. I’ve got to get home in time to watch The Bachelorette.” Dean shook his head in wonderment as the women shut the door behind her. He fixed a box of macaroni and cheese and hamburger patties. As he cut up the patty for Kali, he thought about what Missouri said. Was she for real? Every fiber of his being was telling him there was no such thing as psychics. Scam artists, yes, psychics, no. But…

Sleeves rolled up, Dean knelt on the floor next to the bathtub. Kali was pushing her plastic boats around in the tub and he was trying to get the shampoo out of her hair without getting it in her eyes. His phone pinged with a notification. He wrapped her in a towel, tickled her tummy and helped her step into a pull-up. He read the book ‘Big Mo’ to her and kissed her on her nose. “I love you, Punkin.”

“Love Daddy.”

Downstairs again, Dean turned on the TV and settled back in his recliner with a beer. He was thirty minutes into Doctor Sexy when he remembered to check his phone.

**_TO: Impala67@yahoo.com_ **

**_FROM: CJNovak@novakbrothersfishing.com_ **

**_SUBJECT: Meeting?_ **

**_Mon 7/06/15 7:39_ **

**_Flying out to Valdez in the morning. I might be back Wednesday unless I like the boat. I’ll be in touch._ **

**_Castiel_ **

Dean did the math. If Cas left Valdez with a boat, it would probably take him three to four days to get back to Winchester Bay. That meant, Cas wouldn’t get home until the weekend. Maybe he wouldn’t like the boat. He cursed himself for thinking like that. Cas pretty much missed the end of salmon season, he needed to be up and running before Pacific whiting season starts.

He thought about responding, but Cas said he would be in touch. Dean shouldn’t be pushy.

That night, Dean got his uniform ready for the next day and brushed his teeth. His old flannel sleep pants were almost threadbare in places and the elastic was about shot causing them to ride low on his hips. He made a mental note to order a few pairs from LL Bean.

Once in bed, Dean picked up the calendar he’d put on his nightstand. It was already open to the picture of the Novak brothers, but he only had eyes for Cas. Memories of their first time came flooding back.

_“Cas, it’s colder than a witch’s tit out here,” Dean complained from the backseat of the Impala. It was dark as pitch and his shirt was somewhere in the front seat. Cas’ hand was down the front of his jeans and he was rutting into it._

_“Quit being a pussy, Dean. I’ll warm you up.” Cas’ husky voice was low and needy. They had made out plenty of times, even had a mutual hand job or two, but tonight Cas had brought along lube and condoms. A whole box of condoms. Tonight was the night. Dean was scared even though he wasn’t letting it show. Cas was two years older and he’d been with a guy before. Right after he graduated, back when Dean was just a friend. Back before they fell in love._

_Cas told Dean that he bottomed for the other guy. Did that mean he would bottom for Dean? Dean hoped so because the thought of having Cas’ big dick up his ass scared the shit out of him. He put his finger up there once and it was uncomfortable. Cas was kissing and biting Dean’s nipples and it was driving Dean crazy. Cas was the best kisser. Not that Dean had a whole lot of experience in that department. Winchester Bay was small after all. There were only six people in his graduating class. Dean kissed two of them, both girls._

Dean’s cock lengthened as he remembered that night. Cas’ mouth on him. The windows steamed up. His hand on the window, smearing the condensation, as he sank into Cas. Dean almost came before he was all the way in. Cas was saying filthy things, urging him on.

_“Fuck me, Dean. God, you feel so fucking good. Want you, Dean…want you bad. Look how hard my cock is…come in my ass…”_

_Cas’ legs were thrown up on the backs of the front and back seats, spread wide, his skin was so pale in the small shaft of light from the quarter moon. Dean kept kissing Cas so he’d shut up with the porn movie talk. If he kept saying that shit, Dean was going to come then and there. He’d wanted it for so long. Cas was all he could think about. Stolen kisses on Luc’s boat or behind the marina’s office weren’t enough. This was everything he’d imagined and more. “I love you, Cas.”_

_“Don’t say that,” Cas had whispered._

_“Why not? It’s true.” Dean was pumping into Cas, hard and fast now, unable to hold back. Cas was grunting with each and every thrust._

_“Shhh, just fuck me.”_

Dean was close. His sleep pants shoved down to mid-thigh, cock pushing into his fist, over and over again. “Cas…” Dean closed his eyes and let his orgasm consume him. His breath ragged, he lay there, letting his cum cool on his belly. It took another month of him saying those three words to Cas before Cas admitted that he loved Dean too. They were in the same exact spot, this time leaning against the Impala

_“I love you, Cas.”_

_“Don’t…” Cas pushed him away and walked away from the car, down towards the river._

_“You don’t have to love me back.” Dean called out._

_Cas had spun around, face angry. “Fuck you, Dean Winchester. I’ve loved you forever. But this…what we have…it won’t last. We can’t go on hiding, Dean. It’ll tear us apart one day.”_

_“Don’t be a drama queen, Cas.”_

Cas had been right. Hiding had torn them apart. Dean’s sleep was wrought with snippets of dreams. Cas’s smile…his father’s face full of hate…Anna…

**Friday**

Dean’s week was long. Now that he’d been here a few weeks, he had a routine. Up early, leave Kali in Missouri’s capable hands and head to the station. He ate lunch with the men most days, but on Fridays, most of the guys went to The Roadhouse. Dean drove with Benny, Chuck and Angi with him in the Jeep. They crowded around several tables. Dean hadn’t seen Jo lately and after the way they parted, he was worried about her. While they waited for their food, he went up to the bar.

“Hey, Ellen, where’s Jo been?”

“She got a stick up her ass about something and went into Eugene to stay with one of her friends. She’s supposed to be back tomorrow. Any reason you’re asking?”

“No. Just curious.” So, Jo didn’t tell Ellen anything about the other night. Dean went back to the table. He looked around at the new friends he made. Benny, Angi…the rest of the Coasties…he could count on them. He’d seen some of his old friends around town too, mostly guys he’d fished with. All were happy to see him…except for the Novaks.

Since Cas hadn’t contacted him, he assumed Cas bought a boat and was bringing it home from Alaska. He’d spotted the Loki II and the She-Devil out on his patrol, but he steered clear of them. Gabe hadn’t been openly hostile since the cutter towed him in. Then, Gabe had always been more easygoing than the three older boys.

Dean left the station that night and was about to turn onto his road when a Novak SUV pulled up next to him. The window rolled down and Gabe was in the drivers’ seat. “I was told to deliver a message to you.”

“From Cas?”

“Apparently, my baby brother has decided to give you a change to explain yourself. I just talked to him on the radio and he’s about twenty miles north of the pass. He will meet you at docks.”

“Thanks, Gabe.” Gabe looked at him for a few seconds, his gaze almost as piercing as Cas’. “You hurt him again and no one will find your body.”

Dean nodded. “I just want to talk to him, Gabe. Maybe try to fix…” Dean shook his head, “…no, not fix, because I don’t think it can be fixed…but maybe just make it so he doesn’t hate me.”

“There’s a thin line between love and hate.” Gabe shut the window and drove on. Dean parked his Jeep, but didn’t get out right away. He was meeting Cas. “Twenty miles out, less than that now. Maybe doing six knots. I got maybe a little over two hours,” Dean mumbled. He felt a surge of excitement, but also apprehension. Okay, he wasn’t apprehensive, he was scared shitless.

He opened the door and scooped Kali high in the air when she ran to meet him. He looked over at Missouri and he stared at her. Did she have…abilities? “Missouri?”

Missouri turned around from where she was packing her knitting. “Yes, Dean?”

“I’m meeting him tonight.”

She smiled. “You are?”

“Is he…Do you think…” She walked to him and put her hand on his wrist.

“He hurt so bad for a long time. It won’t be easy. He won’t make it easy. Tell the truth. Tell him everything.” She stepped back. “Do you need me to stay and watch Kali?”

“You would do that?”

“I would do anything for true love.”

Dean snorted. “Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious, Boy.”

Dean didn’t comment again. He ran upstairs to shower and change out of his uniform. He dressed in jeans and a gray Henley. He sat on the edge of his bed to lace up his boots and paused. “Tell him everything.” Could he do that? Could he spill his guts about the feelings of failure, Anna and his guilt, all of it? He needed to try.

Downstairs, he found Missouri in the kitchen. Together they made a quick dinner of stir fried chicken and vegetables. The three of them ate at the dining room table. Kali babbled on and on about Spongebob. She picked up a piece of carrot and got ready to drop it on the floor when Missouri looked at her and said, “Kali, we don’t do that, do we?”

“No.” Kali put the piece of carrot back on her plate.

“How did you to that?” Dean asked, shocked at the way Kali listened to the nanny.

“We had a discussion about why it wasn’t a very nice thing to do and she agreed with me.”

“Uh huh?” Dean looked disbelieving, but whatever Missouri was doing, he hoped she continued. Missouri sat down to watch TV while Dean bathed his daughter and got her pajamas on.

“Okay, I’m leaving now.”

“Remember, tell him everything.”

“I’ll try.”

“Ain’t no trying involved.” Dean nodded curtly and jogged out to the Jeep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually, I don't write on weekends because...I do try to have a life. LOL BUT...I will try very hard to at least get Chapter Six up.


	6. Tequila Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, they talk with the help of a bottle of tequila. Can they put the past behind them? Can they be friends? Will friends be enough?

Dean parked the Jeep at the marina and walked down the dock. He found the Novak fleet with no problem and saw the empty slip. The name Angel was still on the wooden plaque. He sat down on the dock and waited. And thought.

_“Your boyfriend’s here!” Sam’s loud voice carried up the stairs to his room. Dean grinned. Cas was coming for dinner._

_He took the stairs two at a time and frowned when Cas wasn’t in the living room. He heard soft laughter coming from the kitchen and walked over to the doorway._

_Cas was tasting from a spoon held out by Mary. He grinned at her. “Perfect.”_

_“You’re just sucking up because you’re sweet on Dean,” Mary teased._

_“No.” Cas was suddenly serious. “I sometimes wish I’d been born with a mother like you.”_

_Mary laid the spoon down and took Cas in her arms. “I would have been proud to have a son like you, Castiel. Very proud.”_

_Dean backed up. He didn’t want to take away from that moment. He went back to the stairs, stomped down the last two and yelled. “Cas, where the hell are you?”_

Cas’ widowed mother was a zealot, there was no other term to describe her. She didn’t go to the local church because she believe the Catholics worshiped statures and were all going to hell. Every Sunday, she made her five sons take her to a church in Eugene. When she wasn’t at church, she was quoting scripture to anyone that would listen. Cas’ father died when the boys were small, but he had good life insurance. Cas’ mother also had a trust fund from her own parents. They didn’t live the good life, but they weren’t poor. By the time Cas graduated high school, the older boys were working on fishing boats all down the northwest coast. By the time Dean left, Luc and Michael both owned their own boats and Novak Brothers was a business.

Dean’s mother informed him of Mrs. Novak’s death the same year the Mary Kate went down. She died of a massive stroke. Dean wasn’t broken up about it. She had the same beliefs as John did about ‘fags’.

He heard the thrum of an engine and looked out into the harbor. He could see running lights nearing the marina. He stood up and heard the engine throttling down and waited for the boat to pull easily into the slip. A man with an unfortunate mullet haircut tossed him the line and Dean expertly tied off the line to the cleat. He ran to the stern and waited to be thrown that line. Once the boat was secure, the man jumped to the dock with a duffle. He stuck out a hand. “Name’s Ash. I’m Castiel’s first mate. Seen you around town.”

“Dean Winchester.” They shook and Ash turned towards the pilot house.

“See you tomorrow afternoon, Boss.”

Dean heard a shouted reply from inside the boat. Ash walked off down the dock. Dean looked at the bow of the boat and groaned. The name on the bow was Cindy Loo. He jumped on board and hesitated. Did Cas want him to join him below decks? Should he wait until he’s invited?

Cas appeared at the hatch. Their eyes met and held for a few seconds. “Did you bring beer?”

Dean’s eyes widened. “Uhm, no…I can go…”

“Don’t worry about it. I have it covered.” Was Cas fucking with him? Cas turned to go back into the hatch and called out, “You coming?”

Dean followed. Cas wasn’t going to make this easy. Cas pulled a bottle of tequila out of a cooler and sat it on the small table in the equally small galley. He sat down on one side of the table and waited for Dean to sit on the other. He unscrewed the top to the bottle and took a healthy swig. “I thought I might need this.”

He pushed the bottle across the table at Dean. Dean brought the bottle to his lips and hissed at the burn. It made his eyes water. Tequila wasn’t something he drank very often.

Cas studied him. Dean thought he looked tired. “Love the name of your boat.” Dean tried for levity.

Cas smirked, “Yeah, well, it’s being changed before we take her out.” Cas took another drink.

“Bad luck to change a boat’s name,” Dean said, pulling the bottle back towards him and swallowed more of the vile alcohol. Give him whiskey any day.

“Not if you get a priest to do it. I think Father O’Brien will help me out.”

“Saw a few of your brothers’ trucks at church Sunday before last. Didn’t think y’all were Catholic.”

“Our mother wasn’t Catholic. We converted after she died…all but Luc. He doesn’t believe there is a God.”

“Didn’t stop him from getting his boat blessed.”

Cas’ laugh lacked humor. “Fisherman are superstitious.” They could have been two strangers making conversation at a bar somewhere. After the second drink, Dean didn’t pick up the bottle again. Cas stopped after his fourth. Dean was counting.

“All sailors are,” Dean added.

“I’m sorry about your…wife.” Dean noticed the hesitation.

“Thanks.” Dean looked down at the scarred wood table.

“Must be tough raising a baby by yourself.”

“Yeah.” Dean picked at one of his fingernails.

“She’s got your eyes.” Cas’ voice was soft and Dean looked up. When he did, Cas looked away.

“Cas…Castiel, I don’t have an excuse for what I did. I should have…” Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “…I was just so fucked up…”

“For the longest time, I blamed myself.”

Dean stared at Cas, shocked. “Why, Cas? I was the one who left without a backwards glance. I was the one who fuckin’ left you.”

Cas didn’t seem to care about Dean letting his nickname slip out. “You didn’t want to go to the Mary Kate that night…” Dean closed his eyes. His thoughts came back to haunt him. “…if it wasn’t for me, your father wouldn’t have…”

“No, Cas. No. I could have said no.”

“Yeah, well, it took me a long time to come to terms with that. Then I heard you got married and I realized…realized I wasn’t ever…” Cas picked up the bottle again and took another drink.

“Cas…” Cas silenced him by slamming the bottle back on the table. “It took me eleven Goddamn years of waiting for you to come back…how fuckin’ pathetic was that? Your father was right. His son wasn’t a fag.”

Dean’s heart was thudding in his chest. It was now or never. His palms were sweating and his stomach felt like it was in knots. “My father was wrong.”

“Don’t lie to me, Dean. Don’t fuckin’ lie to me.”

“I married Anna because she got pregnant. I tried so damn hard to be what my father wanted…I wanted to be straight, Cas…because it was so much easier. Anna knew…or she suspected. That’s why she…took drugs. She started getting high because her husband was…was…”

“Did you love her?” Again, Cas’ voice came out soft and low.

“I did...” Cas winced like Dean had slapped him. Dean hurried on, “…she was funny and smart. She made me forget for a little while…but I wasn’t in love with her. If I hadn’t met her…I wouldn’t have Kali. She’s the best thing I’ve ever done.”

Cas swallowed, his eyes intense as they stared into Dean’s. “I met a great guy. A guy who loved me. Left his life to come live with me and then he realized I could never love him. I was too hung up on a ghost from my past. I hurt him.”

And so it went. Both men shared pieces of their pain, their anger and soon the bottle of tequila was empty. “You said…said…you wished I’d…never come back. Did you…you mean it?” Dean’s words were slurred.

“Yes.” Cas took the empty bottle and turned it on its side and spun it around on the table. “Didn’t want to see your face. Just made all…everything…wanted to hate you.”

Dean’s eyes were heavy. The last thing he thought about before he passed out that he should call Missouri.

**Saturday**

“I don’t fucking believe this!” The loud voice felt like an axe to his head. He groaned and winced. His back was killing him…God, his head was going to explode. He managed to get one eye open. Where was he? Cas’ boat. Last night. Spilling his guts…did he really beg Cas to forgive him?

“Fuck,” Cas hissed from the other side of the table. He had his hands on both sides of his skull.

“What the fuck is this sorry motherfucker doing here?” Dean recognized Luc’s voice. Then he felt a hand grab the collar of his shirt and haul him to his feet. “You were warned to stay away from him.” Dean was too hungover to react when Luc’s fist cocked back and punched him in the face. He felt the explosion of pain, the gush of blood and the edges of his eyes went black. Was he going to pass out? Then he became aware of Cas yelling something. He couldn’t wrap his brain around what was being said.

He sank to the floor, the pain in his face overriding the pain in his head. He must have passed out, because the next thing he remembered was waking up with a plastic bag of ice on his face. He groaned and looked around. He was still in Cas’ boat, on one of the bunks. Cas was sitting at the table watching him. “How do you feel?”

“Lunk my unkin nose is roken.” Dean whined.

“It’s not broken, but you’ll probably have a couple of black eyes. Luc can throw a mean right hook.”

“No hit, herlock.” Dean held onto the bag of ice and tried to sit up. “Uck…Kali…” He reached for his phone, but it wasn’t in his pocket. He stared around wildly.

"Don’t panic. I called your mother this morning and explained the situation. Your daughter is in good hands.”

“Wha you snell her?” God, Missouri…she was going to kill him…maybe stop wanting to be Kali’s nanny. The kid’s dad stayed out all fucking night.

“The truth.”

“Uck me sigh ways,” Dean muttered. His mother was going to kill him too. Though right now, death was a better alternative to what he was feeling. His nose was throbbing, his head hurt and his bladder was about to pop.

“Iss.” Cas stared at him blankly. “Ake a iss.”

“I don’t know that one. Can you hum a few bars?” Cas looked like he was enjoying this way too much.

“Uck you.” Dean stood and the room spun for a second. He held onto the bulkhead to keep himself from pitching forward. He looked around and found what he was looking for. He slammed the door behind him and cursed. The noise made his head hurt even more. How was Cas not feeling like shit too?

When he came out, Cas was standing there with a cup of coffee. Black with one sugar. Just like Dean liked it. Did Cas remember that or was it just a lucky guess? He took the cup and after his first sip, he sighed. “Nectar of the gods.” He still sounded nasally, but not as bad without the bag of ice plastered to his face.

“You going to be okay to drive home?” Cas backed away and sat down at the table again.

“Yeth.” Okay, so the ice made it feel better. He guessed Cas was dismissing him. He checked his pocket for his keys and picked up his phone off the table.

“Cath…I…”

“Go home to your daughter, Dean.” Dean tried not to let the hurt show. It was pretty easy with the plastic bag in the middle of his face. Dean nodded and without a backwards glance, he stepped up onto the deck.

He was in the car and decided to call his mother to let her know he was on his way. He pressed the button on his phone and it opened in the photos app. His phone had been in his pocket last night. He was sure of it. Had Cas gone through his phone? He thumbed through the pictures. He’d taken a few since he moved back home, mostly Kali, some of Sam, Jess and the twins. One of his mom at the coffee shop. He went back further, before the move. All were of Kali. It was like he had no life except for her. Well, at least he didn’t have anything embarrassing on there.

When he got to the house, his mom’s car was gone. Saturday…shit, she was at the coffee shop…with Kali. God, his mother was going to kill him dead…completely dead. He turned the Jeep around and parked in front. The place was busy and everyone stopped talking when he walked in. He was sure he made a great impression. Hungover, wearing clothes he slept in and sporting a plastic bag of ice on his face.

Kali was toddling around the tables, going from customer to customer and they appeared to be enjoying it. Mary was giving him the evil eye behind the counter. Kali spied him and ran to him. “Daddy…boo boo on face.”

“Yeah, Baby. Daddy has a boo boo.” He heard a few snickers. He held her tight and walked to the counter. He removed the bag long enough to say. “Thanks for takin’ care of her.”

Lips pursed, she hissed in a low whisper. “The village called. They’re missing their idiot.”

He winced. “Deserve that. What exactly did Cas tell you?”

“Oh, let’s see. You met him at his boat to talk. You both drink a bottle of tequila. Tequila, Dean?” He winced again. “Then you both passed out. And then the icing on the cake, Luc finds you on his little brother’s boat. The little brother whose heart you broke. And he belted you in the face. Does that cover everything?”

“Yes, ma’am.” She was still looking at him like she wanted to grab him by the ear and beat his ass. Time to prey on her sympathies. He brought the bag back up and let a small moan escape. Kali, of course, had to push on the bag and he whimpered for real. 

Mary wrinkled her nose and pursed her lips. “You’re going to have black eyes.” 

“That’s what Cas said.” Her face softened. 

“Did you talk, Dean? Really talk?” 

“Yeah. I don’t think it made a difference, but I apologized and told him everything.” 

She rested her palm on the side of his face. “Go home, Dean. Get some rest and keep ice on it.” 

He got ready to turn away when he remembered. “Is Missouri pissed?” 

“Strangely enough, she was happy that you didn’t come home last night. She said she would see you Monday.” He breathed a sigh of relief and ignoring the whispers, he walked out of the shop. 

The first thing he did was put the baby gate up at Kali’s door. “Cupcake, Daddy needs to shower. Can you play like a good girl?” 

“Uh huh.” 

He showered and pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He picked up Kali and went downstairs. Once she was playing in the living room floor with Nickelodeon on the TV, he fixed another ice pack, took two Tylenol and lay on the couch. He was deeply involved in an episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when his phone pinged. 

** TEXT FROM CASTIEL/10:45 – How’s the nose?  **

So, Cas wasn’t just looking at his pictures. He got Dean’s number too. For some reason, this pleased Dean. 

** TEXT FROM YOU/10:46 – I’ve had worse.  **

** TEXT FROM CASTIEL/10:46 – Did your mom kick your ass?  **

** TEXT FROM YOU/10:47 – She had too many customers.  **

** TEXT FROM CASTIEL/10:48 – You home?  **

** TEXT FROM YOU/10:49 – Yes. Watching TMNT with ice on my face.  **

** TEXT FROM CASTIEL/10:50 – TMNT?  **

** TEXT FROM YOU/10:51 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  **

** TEXT FROM CASTIEL/10:52 – Animal Planet? Mutant Turtles? Where did they find them?  **

Dean snorted. Cas’ mother didn’t own a TV because it was the devil’s playground. Apparently, his knowledge of pop culture hadn’t improved. 

** TEXT FROM YOU/10:53 – It’s a kid’s cartoon, Cas.  **

Dean waited for a response. Despite the pain from his nose, he was smiling. Cas was texting him. They were having a normal conversation. Okay, maybe not normal, but still…a conversation. After ten minutes, he still hadn’t gotten another text. Guess that was that. He tossed his phone on the coffee table and tried to think about what he was going to give Kali for lunch. He was supposed to do the grocery shopping this morning. Since it was out of the question now, he did a quick mental inventory of what he had in the kitchen. “What do you want for lunch, Princess? Raman noodles or oatmeal?” 

She turned up her little nose. “Want max and cheese.” 

“I don’t think we have the stuff to make that, Sweetie.” 

“Max and cheese.” Her voice was a little louder and shriller. 

“Kali…Daddy said…” The doorbell rang. He grunted. He didn’t feel like company. He hoped it wasn’t Sam. Sam would give him a lot of shit about his nose. He shuffled to the door, Kali right under his feet. When the door swung open, he just stared. 

“I thought that since it was my brother who punched you in the nose, I should at least check on you and bring lunch.” Cas held up a large, white bag. He recognized that bag. The Roadhouse. “I wasn’t sure what…” He looked down at Kali. “…she would want or what you fed her, so I asked Ellen what babies ate.” 

Dean felt warmly amused. “She’s technically not a baby. They’re called toddlers at this age.” 

“That’s what Ellen said. I got her chicken fingers and French fries.” 

“She will love you forever.” Dean wanted to bite his tongue off when he saw how his words affected Cas. The man looked panicked. “Come in.” Dean stepped aside. 

“No, I just wanted to drop this off. I need to…to get back…to the boat.” 

“Boat.” Kali repeated, finally coming out from behind Dean’s legs to gaze up at Cas. Cas looked down at her and back up at Dean, clearly out of his element. 

“Yes, well, I should be going. Hope you feel better.” He backed up a step and then turned abruptly. 

He was down three steps when Dean said, “Cas, you going to let me have the bag?” 

Cas looked down at his hand, still holding the white bag. “Yes. Yes. Sorry.” 

Dean took the offered bag and watched Cas bound down the steps to his SUV. Kali looked at Dean. “Nice man.” 

“Yeah. Nice man.” Dean and Kali sat at the dining room table and ate the food Cas brought. Kali tossed French fries to the floor. Dean thought about Cas. Did Cas want to be friends? Or maybe just call a truce. He was hard to read. Would Dean be okay with friends? He thought he could. He’d just have to put aside any thoughts of…his mind wondered back in time.

_They were on their way to Eugene in the Impala.  It was December Twenty-First and they were going to find Dean’s mother a Christmas gift.  Dean had his eyes set on a bracelet or something.  The mall in Eugene had two jewelry stores.  ZZ Top was playing on the radio and Cas’ palm was pressed to Dean’s thigh.  Dean was singing about a sharp dressed man when he felt Cas’ hand at his crotch.  “Cas, knock it off.”_

_“Shut up and drive, Dean.”  Cas deftly unzips him and the little bastard has his cock out in no time.  Despite being behind the wheel and trying to stay focused, Dean’s cock was hardening. “Put the seat back.”_

_Dean could never deny Cas anything, so he put the seat back and Cas lay down on the seat and took Dean in his mouth.  “Jesus, Cas, you gotta stop, Babe.”_

_Cas’ mouth was so hot and wet.  He was bobbing his head up and down and Dean wasn’t sure if it was the danger or the thrill of it, but he was going to shoot his load in seconds if Cas didn’t stop.  “Cas, fuck, stop…I’m going to come.”_

_When Cas hummed, Dean lost it completely.  He drove his hips up, just about gagging Cas.  Dean’s hands on the steering wheel were so tight his knuckles were white.  It was all he could do to keep the big car on the road.  He cried out and Cas took his load.  When he sat up, his grin reminded Dean of the Cheshire Cat.  He even licked his lips._

 

Dean put Kali down for a nap and decided he needed one too. Before he closed his eyes, he reenacted his memory. Cas’ name was on his lips…it was Cas' mouth on his cock…it was Cas sucking down his cum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't have another chapter up until Monday. 
> 
> You guys are insatiable. But I love each and every one of you.


	7. What Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean fights his feelings for Cas. He's confused about what he wants...or what he needs.

By late afternoon, Dean’s face was puffy and his eyes were black and blue. He groaned as he gazed at his image in the downstairs bathroom mirror. Kali had been giving him confused stares all day and he had to repeat to her several times that Daddy had a big boo boo. God, he hated Luc Novak. The way his face looked, he would still look like he went ten rounds with an angry gorilla on Monday. The Captain would have a field day with this, not to mention the ribbing he was going to get from his crew.

  
He opened the freezer to find something easy to fix for their dinner and spied the bag of peas. He gingerly settled it across his nose while he rummaged for the frozen lasagna he knew was buried in there somewhere.

  
**TEXT FROM CASTIEL/5:01 – Do you need anything?**

  
“Well, that was a loaded question, wasn’t it?” Dean murmured to his phone’s screen.

  
**TEXT FROM YOU/5:02 – A new face.**  
 **TEXT FROM CASTIEL/5:03 – Nothing wrong with your old face, except maybe the black eyes you probably have by now.**  
 **TEXT FROM YOU/5:04 – I look like the Staypuff Marshmallow Man after he went a few rounds with the Michelin Tire guy.**  
 **TEXT FROM CASTIEL/5:05 – You’d look adorable in the jaunty little sailor hat.**

  
Dean snorted. Then his brain went into overdrive. He ran to his laptop so fast, Kali stopped playing with her tea set to stand up and toddle after him. He found his picture files and located the picture of the admiral pinning on his new rank of Lieutenant Commander. He quickly emailed it to himself. When his phone pinged, he opened the picture and saved it to his phone. He’ll show Cas adorable. Well, handsome…he pushed the icon to insert a picture and hit send.

  
**TEXT FROM YOU/5:09 – Handsome, not adorable.**

  
He waited for a snappy comeback, but none came. He went to bed that night wondering if he’d crossed the line somehow.

  
**Sunday**

  
The doorbell rang at eight. Who in their right mind would ring someone’s doorbell at eight o’clock on a Sunday morning? Someone that wants to feel Dean’s wrath. It wasn’t like he was sleeping, parents of a toddler didn’t get to sleep in, but it was the idea of it.

  
Dean snatched the door open with a snarled, “This better be a freakin’ emergency.”

  
Luc Novak stood on his front porch. The two men glared at each other. “What the fuck do you want?”

  
Kali, who always followed Dean to the door because she was just naturally curious, was hanging onto his left leg.

  
“You kiss your little girl with that mouth?” Dean looked down and Kali was looking up at him, eyes wide and thumb in her mouth.

  
He looked back at Luc. “What do you want, Novak?”

  
“I was asked by my brother to bring you these and…and apol…” Luc’s mouth twisted into a painful looking sneer.

  
Dean raised an eyebrow. He looked at the aluminum foil wrapped package and then back at Luc. He waited.

  
“I should not have decked you.”

  
“Are you trying to apologize, Novak?” Dean’s lips quirked.

  
“Don’t be a dick, Winchester.”

  
“Accepted.”

  
“Just like that?” Luc looked shocked.

  
“Daddy…appa jacks.”

  
Both men looked down. “Hang on a minute, Cupcake.”

  
“Appa jacks!” Her tiny voice was louder and more demanding.

  
“What’s your name?” Dean’s eyes shifted quickly back to Luc, who was now squatting down to speak to Kali.

  
“Kali Inchesta”

  
“What a beautiful name for a princess.” Kali gave the man a shy smile and the thumb went right back in her mouth.

  
Luc stood back up. “She about two?”

  
“She turned two right before I moved back.”

  
“My girlfriend has a two year old and a five year old.”

  
Dean didn’t know what to say at this point. Yesterday morning, Luc Novak punched him in the face, now he was on his porch talking about kids and being…friendly.

  
He must have sensed Dean’s confusion. “Look, Castiel told me to come apologize. He says he’s a grown man and can take care of himself.” Luc rubbed the back of his neck. He realized he was still holding the foil package. “He got up and made biscuits this morning and thought you might not feel up to cooking breakfast.”

  
Dean took it and noted he could still feel the warmth through the foil.

  
“Thanks. Please tell him thank you.” Luc nodded and turned to go. “Hey.” Luc turned. “If it were Sammy, I would have done the same thing. Apology accepted.”

  
“Dean, just don’t hurt him again. I don’t know if you came back here expecting to take up where you left off but…”

  
“I didn’t. I just didn’t want him to hate me.”

  
“That was never an option for Castiel.” Their eyes remained locked on each other’s. Luc nodded and continued down the stairs to his SUV parked at the curb. Dean shut the door.

  
Kali decided biscuits with jelly were better than Apple Jacks. It wasn’t until after breakfast that Dean had time to think about Luc’s visit. Did Dean expect to say he was sorry and have Cas forgive him…forgive him and take up where they left off…like Dean had never left…sneaking around, parking down by the river, hiding from…from who? If so, what did that say about him? He could tell himself and everyone that would listen that he was straight…men were just a distraction, nothing more, but in his soul, he knew he was lying to himself. The way he felt with Cas…he’d never felt with anyone else…not Anna, not with any of the other men and women he’d slept with over the years. His mother knew, Sam knew, they didn’t care. Hell, Benny didn’t even seem to care. Chuck…some of his other men…they were even friends with Cas. John Winchester was dead and his hatred died with him, only Dean had been too proud and stupid to realize it.

  
By eleven, Dean was stir crazy. Kali wasn’t satisfied with playing on the living room carpet and watching cartoons anymore. She’d gotten whiny. He was sick of cartoons and longed for adult conversation from someone…anyone. He got them both dressed and soon he was pushing the stroller down Main Street. Church was out and people were out enjoying the July weather.

  
He stopped by Bobby’s house. The garage doors were open and instead of knocking on his front door, Dean followed the sound of hammering. He pushed Kali into the dim interior. There was a work light suspended above a long wooden counter. Bobby was standing next to a large wooden box, nails sticking out from between his lips.

  
“What are you making?” Dean’s words startled the older man and when he opened his mouth to gasp, the nails flew in different directions.

  
“Damn, Idjit. You could have given me a heart attack.”

  
“Sorry.” Bobby didn’t seem to pay any attention to Dean’s apology. His eyes were fixed on Kali. His daughter was looking up at Bobby.

  
“Well, hello, I’m your Uncle Bobby,” he said gruffly.

  
“Kali, this is your grandpa. Can you say ‘grandpa’?

  
“Grampa.”

  
“That’s right.”

  
“Dean…” Bobby looked stunned. “…I ain’t…”

  
“You were more of a father to me than John Winchester. Kali only has mom. A kid needs grandparents.” Bobby pursed his lips and turned away. Dean knew the old man was touched by what Dean said. “So what are you building?”

  
“I was working on a toy box for your young’un.”

  
Dean stayed for another thirty minutes or so, but Kali was getting restless. He moved on to The Roadhouse. He held her while they ate their lunch. She was halfway done with her chicken fingers when Jo came out of the kitchen. She saw Dean and froze. “Jo.”

  
“What happened to your face?”

  
“Just had a run in with an old friend,” Dean said with a shrug. “I seem to piss all my old friends off lately.” He looked at her pointedly, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes. Instead, she looked at Kali.

  
“She’s pretty.”

  
“Thanks. We need to talk.”

  
“No, not really.” She shook back her long blonde hair and raised a hand to push on the swinging doors to the kitchen.

  
“Jo, about the other night…”

  
“I’m sorry, alright? I just thought…” She shrugged.

  
“I don’t want things to be weird for us, Jo. We can be friends and put the other night behind us, but you’ve got to understand that I don’t see you that way.”

  
“Yeah, I picked up on that, Dean,” she said, a trace of sarcasm in her tone.

  
Dean blew out a long huff of air. “I’m not…totally…straight, Jo.” There he said it.

  
She snorted. “You bi then?”

  
“I guess if you want to put a label on it…” Maybe that was the term. Sad, at thirty-five and he hadn’t come to terms of who and what he was.

  
“But if you’re bi than you like women too…why can’t you like me.”

  
“Ah, Jo…I do like you…more than you know, but not in that way.” He knew he was repeating himself, but didn’t know how to make her understand without hurting her. “Jesus, I manage to fuck up every life I touch.”

  
He didn’t realize he’d said the words out loud until Jo’s face changed. “Dean, you didn’t fuck up my life. I guess I’ve crushed on you for so long and then you were here again…”

  
Dean was saved from even more embarrassment by the door opening and several loud voices entered the place. He turned around and saw Cas, Ash, Gabe and a few others. Gabe saw him first and the look on his face was comical. “Dude, Luc really got in a good one.”

  
“Shut up, Gabe.” Dean said, his eyes drifting to Cas. Cas wasn’t looking at him though, he was looking at his daughter. Kali was staring at the newcomers, a French fries grasped in her tiny hand. She had licked the salt off and it was soggy. Currently, she was rubbing it along Dean’s jaw.

  
“Luc did that?” Ash asked. “What did you do to piss him off? Luc never loses his temper.”

  
“Luc just hates it that I’m prettier than he is,” Dean said in a mock serious tone. “He tried to take out the competition.”

  
Cas’ lips quirked up, but he didn’t say anything. Ash looked disbelieving, but Gabe was steering the group to a corner table. “Hey, Jo, we need a pitcher of beer and burgers for everyone except Cas. He wants the grilled tuna.”

  
Jo was watching Dean carefully, he could feel her eyes on him. She’d heard rumors of Cas and Dean, she’d touched on that fact in the car that night. He was relieved when she turned to get their beer.

  
It was time for him to go. He picked up a napkin and proceeded to wipe down Kali as best as he could. “Come on, Princess, let’s go to see Grandmama.”

  
She squealed with excitement. He put her on the floor so he could get out his wallet and pay the tab and before he could react, she took off across the floor towards the old piano in the corner. “Kali, no,” Dean shouted. She hesitated, her feet got tangled and down she went onto the makeshift dancefloor. Crying erupted instantly. Dean jogged across the room, but Cas got to her first. She was in his arms, clinging to him, her fists clutching at his shirt. He looked unsure before his large hand began to pet her back.  
Dean got to them seconds later. Cas tried to pass her off to Dean, but Kali was facing away from her father and didn’t see him. She clung to Cas, sobbing. Dean moved around to Cas’ side. “Kali, Baby, Daddy’s here. He held up his hands and she finally loosened her death grip on Cas.

  
“Shhh, Princess, Daddy’s got you.”

  
“Daddy,” she wailed.

  
“Is she going to be okay?” Cas looked worried.

  
“She’s fine. I imagine her pride is hurt more than anything else.”

  
Cas furrowed his brow. “But she fell. She could have damaged her knees or…”

  
“Cas, kids are tough. She just fell down. No need to call a trauma team.” Dean was used to the everyday bumps and bruises that toddlers got.“Kali, want to go get a cookie from Grandmama?”

  
Kali’s tears stopped like someone flipped a switch. “Cookie.”

  
Dean smirked at Cas. “See?”

  
“Drama queen,” Cas said with a grin.

  
“She is.” The two men were staring into each other’s eyes now. Kali had settled on Dean’s shoulder, content that her minor mishap was going to be rewarded with a cookie. The seconds ticked by and Gabe startled them both by appearing next to them.

  
“Quit eye f.u.c.k.i.n.g., you’re going to scar the kid.”

  
Dean took a step back, not realized he was standing only inches from Cas. Cas gave his brother a scathing look and went back to their table without a backwards glanced at Dean. Gabe gave Dean an exaggerated wink. “Your face really does look like shit, Dean-o.”

  
“Shut up, Gabe.” Dean left The Roadhouse and headed towards his mom’s. Cas hadn’t looked happy at Gabe’s comment. Gabe’s sense of humor was wacked sometimes.

  
**Monday**

  
When Missouri saw him on Monday, she gasped. “Lord, Boy, I hope the other guy looks worse than you.”

  
“I didn’t even get a swing in,” Dean said sheepishly. The mirror that morning showed the bruising as dark purple. His nose was still swollen. He dreaded going to the station.

  
When he was ready to walk out the door, he bit his lip. “Missouri, I’m sorry about Friday night. I should have come home.”

  
“Kali was in good hands, Dean. I suspect you and your boy had a lot to talk about.”

  
“He’s not my boy, Missouri. We were just talking about the past. Now, maybe we can be friends again.”

  
She tilted her head and her eyes were warm and understanding. “Being friends is a good place to start.”

  
He got to work and made it to his office without being seen. That lasted two minutes.

  
“Winchester, I’m going to need you to…what the hell happened to you?” The captain was standing at his doorway.

  
“Just an accident, Sir.”

  
“I don’t like my men getting into fights, Winchester.”

  
“It wasn’t a fight, Captain Crowley.” It was true. Dean didn’t fight back.

  
Apparently, the subject was closed. Dean listened to the captain explain a change on the duty roster and Dean got back to work. Several of his men made comments during the day and Dean kept his story straight. It was an accident.

  
**Friday**

  
By Friday, Dean had not seen or heard from Cas. Not that he was paying attention or anything. So what if he drove down to the marina after work instead of going straight home. So what if he took Kali for a stroller ride on the docks in the late afternoons. Those things didn’t mean anything other than Dean was just interested in what was going on around his hometown.

  
The Cindy Loo was docked in the Angel’s old berth and Dean saw evidence of work being done on her, but no sign of Cas. The place where her name was had been painted over. In fact, Cas must have hauled her up into the boat yard last weekend and repainted her whole hull. She was now a dark forest green.

  
When he got home, he went through the mail and saw a stiff, formal envelope. No return address. No address of any kind, just Dean Winchester in pretty script.

  
“Hey, Missouri?” He held up the envelope. “Where did we get this?

  
Missouri was just hefting her totebag over her shoulder. “It was hand delivered this afternoon.”

  
“By who?”

  
“A strange man with a mullet. Do men really think those are attractive?”

  
Ash. Dean ripped open the envelope.

  
_**You are cordially invited to the official name change of the fishing vessel owned and operated by Castiel J. Novak.**_  
 _ **July 19, 2015 – 1:30 pm**_  
 _ **Winchester Bay Marina**_  
 _ **Officiating: Father James O’Brian**_

  
That was this Sunday. Cas didn’t waste any time. And what was with the short notice? Was Dean an afterthought? That bothered him more than he’d like to admit. He stewed about it until after he put Kali to bed.

  
**TEXT FROM YOU/8:15 – Got your invitation today.**

  
And he waited. Well, the guy wasn’t waiting around for Dean to contact him, that was for sure.

  
**TEXT FROM CAS/8:30 – Hope you can make it.**

  
Hope I can make it. Dean scowled. Maybe I might have plans. It was only two days notice after all.

  
**TEXT FROM YOU/8:31 - Kind of short notice.**

**TEXT FROM CAS/8:32 – Sorry about that. Wasn’t going to have a ceremony, but Balthazar and Michael have insisted. Just got the printed invitations by Fedex yesterday.**

  
Oh, well…Dean grinned…in that case...

  
**TEXT FROM YOU/8:33 – I’ll be there.**  
 **TEXT FROM CAS/8:34 – Good.**  
 **TEXT FROM CAS/8:35 – That means a great deal.**

  
What does? The ceremony or that Dean’s coming? Dean preferred to think it was because he was coming.

  
**TEXT FROM CAS/8:36 – I’m having a private celebration at my houseboat later that evening. Perhaps you could get a babysitter.**

  
Whoa. Dean stared at the text. A private celebration? And Dean’s mind went straight into the gutter, he didn’t pass go and didn’t collect two hundred dollars. He did, however, panic. He jumped from his recliner and read the text again. And again. So, Cas wanted to celebrate with Dean…did that mean…surely not…maybe? Okay…he could handle this.

  
Other than his hand, he hadn’t seen any action since Anna died. Being a single father wasn’t conducive to having a sex life. Case in point, it was Friday night and he was at home watching a repeat of Blue Bloods.

  
So, how did he respond? ‘ _Yo, Cas, stock up on condoms._ ’

  
**TEXT FROM YOU/8:39 – Cool.**

  
“Great, Dean, revert to high school much?” Dean muttered to himself.

  
**TEXT FROM YOU/8:39 – Do I need to bring anything?**

  
Like condoms…lube…handcuffs…okay, scratch the last thing. He didn’t remember Cas as being into bondage. He hadn’t been either, but hey, handcuffs could be…and his brain went south again.

  
**TEXT FROM CAS/8:40 – No. I have everything.**

  
Dean kicked back in his recliner and sighed. And then the panic came back. He didn’t know if he was ready for this. Did Cas really forgive him and want to start over? Would Cas be okay in keeping their relationship quiet? Even though the military was okay with it now…even though some people knew Dean liked Cas…Dean just wanted it to stay private. It would be just sex. No relationship. He’d have to make sure Cas understood that.  
Sunday

  
By Sunday at lunch, Dean had worked himself up into a mess of nerves. Mary, Sam, Jess and the twins were waiting in front of the bakery when Dean and Kali arrived. The marina was already crowded with well wishers. The town of Winchester Bay loved a celebration…weddings, births, boat christenings….any excuse to throw a party.

  
The Angel II as she was now proudly called was moored at the end of the main dock, so more people could be accommodated. Dean saw the priest standing on the dock right by the bow. A bottle of champagne sat on a makeshift table of crab traps next to him. As people walked up, the Novaks handed out plastic flutes of champagne.

  
Father O’Brien cleared his throat and his voice rang out. "For thousands of years, we have gone to sea. We have crafted vessels to carry us and we have called them by name. These ships will nurture and care for us through perilous seas, and so we affectionately call them ‘she’. To them we toast, and ask to celebrate the Angel II."

  
Then everybody raised their champagne and shouted, "To the sailors of old, to the Angel II and her brave crew."

  
The crowd took a sip and then Father O’Brien continued, "The moods of the sea are many, from tranquil to violent. We ask that this boat be given the strength to carry on. The keel stay strong and she keeps out the pressures of the sea."

  
Again the flutes were raised and the assemblage shouted, "To the sea...to the sailors of old...to the sea!" Everybody took another sip.

  
"Today we come to name this lady Angel II, and send her to sea to be cared for, and to care for the Novak family. We ask the sailors of old and the mood of God that is the sea to accept Angel II as her name, to help her through her passages, and allow her to return with her crew safely."

  
For the last time, the flutes were raised, "To the sea...to the sailors before us...to Angel II."

  
The crowd took one final drink and a line formed, the last sip in their flutes was poured over the bow to appease Neptune. Cas, who had been standing on the deck, laid a green laurel wreath on the deck to ensure safe returns and then the priest took the bottle of champagne and broke it across the bow. The crowd cheered. Dean caught Cas’ eye and Dean grinned up at him. Cas’ smile was softer and Dean was disappointed when Cas turned away to shake hands with the priest.

  
It didn’t take long for the crowd to wander away. Monday was the opening day for whiting, cod and tuna and most fishermen were preparing their own boats. Dean hung around long after his family left to see if he could catch a few words with Cas, but the man always had someone with him. Usually one of his brothers. While Luc and Gabe weren’t openly hostile anymore, Dean had yet to see how Michael and Balthazar reacted to their truce.

  
Finally, Dean had to resort to a text because Kali was getting restless.

  
**TEXT FROM YOU/2:35 – What time should I come to your place?**

  
From his vantage point by the harbor master’s office, Dean saw Cas look down at his phone and type a reply.

  
**TEXT FROM CAS/2:40 – 7.**

  
Kali was to spend the night at his mother’s house. Dean had maybe told a small white lie. He told her he was going out with friends and wasn’t sure when he’d be home. His mother told him not to drink too much.

  
Later, after dinner, Dean dropped Kali and her little suitcase off with Mary. “If you drink too much and need a ride, promise me that you’ll call Sam to come get you.”

  
“I promise. And I’ll be over to get Kali before work. You can just keep her in her pajamas and Missouri can dress her once I drop her off back at the house.”

  
He took one last look in his mother’s hallway mirror. The bruising around his eyes had faded to a greenish hue, but at least the swelling was down.

  
When he rounded the bend in Cas’ driveway, he slowed down in disbelief. There were probably fifteen cars and trucks parked near the small docked houseboat. What happened to the private celebration? Several people, including the Novak brothers and Cas’ crew were hanging out on the deck of the houseboat, the dock and small clearing in front of the dock.

  
He would have turned the Jeep around and driven home, but Gabe spotted him and waved. Dean turned off the ignition and got out. Luc nodded when he walked up, but Michael and Balthazar seemed to want to keep their distance. He didn’t see Cas. Gabe must have caught him looking.

  
“Castiel is inside, go on in and say hello.” He tossed Dean a beer and Dean caught it easily.

  
Dean stepped on deck and then went through the main door. He found himself in a nicely decorated living room. It was an open concept, so he could see the kitchen and Cas wasn’t there either. He walked a few steps down the hallway and heard Cas’ voice. He stopped. He wasn’t planning on eavesdropping, but Cas’ words stopped him in his tracks.

  
“I do miss you, Will. And you were invited.” There was a pause as Cas was obviously listening. “Yes, we’ve talked. No, I’m not sleeping with him. Will, you are the one that left…yes, I know why…I’m not going to answer that question. I know what I’m risking. Will, please, don’t do this…why can’t we just be…” There was a thunk sound and a soft, “Fuck.”

  
Dean backed up quickly. He just made it to the living room when Cas appeared. He seemed startled to see Dean. “Dean, when did you get here?”

  
“Just a second ago. I didn’t realize it was going to be a party.” Dean was ate up with curiosity. Will? That was the name of the guy that lived with Cas. Jealousy stabbed through him.

  
Cas’ head cocked sideways. “Celebration usually means a party, doesn’t it? What did you think it was going to be?” Understanding dawned and Cas’ face clouded with anger.

  
“No…I didn’t expect that. I just thought we’d kick back, have a few beers…”

  
“Fuck for old time’s sake?”

  
“What? No. Hell, no. God, Cas, what do you think I am?” Dean was sinking fast. Why did he come? Why couldn’t he have just thought it through…Cas didn’t want him anymore. He should have known better.

  
Cas ran his fingers through his already messed up hair. “I must have been a fucking axe murderer in another life,” he muttered mainly to himself.

  
“Cas, look, I…”

  
“Just shut up, Dean. Just shut the fuck up.”

  
Dean nodded and turned to go. He just wanted to get home and lick his wounds. He came back to Winchester Bay not expecting to even be able to talk to Cas again, let alone be…together… All those years and he tried not to think of Cas like that…he’d tried so damn hard. And then he got a small taste…just a few conversations and the old feelings for the man were clawing at the surface. He had only taken one step when the door from the deck opened. Balthazar stood blocking Dean’s way.

  
“Castiel, is everything okay?” Balthazar wasn’t looking at his brother. He was glaring at Dean.

  
“Yes. Could you give me and Dean a few minutes? We’ll be out in a little while.”

  
Balthazar sneered at Dean, but slammed the door shut behind him. Dean didn’t turn around. He closed his eyes and murmured, “I’m going, Cas. I won’t bother you again.”

  
Cas hand on his arm spun him around. Cas’ eyes were angry. “Damn you, Dean Winchester. You waltz back into town…into my life…and made me… I…I just wanted us to be friends again, Dean.”

  
“Yeah, I got that. Loud and clear.” Anything more was unwanted. Dean got it. He tried to pull his arm away. If he didn’t get out of here, he’d embarrass himself.

  
“No, I don’t think you do. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let myself want you again. Wouldn’t risk my heart again…but seeing you again…” Wait. Dean’s mind didn’t quite comprehend what Cas was saying. “It would have been easier if…”

  
“Cas…stop…” Dean jammed his hands in the pocket of his jeans. “I don’t know if I’m capable of…”

  
“Of for the love of Christ, you both still have something…who knows if it’s lust or whatever, but this back and forth shit is driving me crazy.” Gabe’s voice came from the doorway. Dean hadn’t heard it open again. “I feel like locking you both in a room somewhere until you either fuck or decide you really hate each other.

  
Balthazar pushed Gabe aside. “He’s not fucking Castiel. I don’t want the bastard anywhere near…”

  
“Bal, shut up and just let them figure it out for themselves,” Luc yelled above his brother’s rant.

  
When Michael’s voice joined the fray, Cas shouted, “Get out. All of you.” You could have heard a pin drop. “I want all of you to just go. Now.”

  
The Novak brothers grumbled but they turned to go. Dean could hear them on deck telling everyone that the party was over. Dean took two steps towards the door. “Not you.” Dean stopped and turned. Cas wasn’t looking at him. He was in the kitchen pouring himself a shot of vodka. He downed it before he spoke again. “Maybe Gabe had it right.

  
“What’s that?” Dean asked, trying to think of what Gabe had said. Cas shook his head and walked past him. Dean followed him to the deck. Cas untied the lines to the houseboat and brushed past Dean on his way to the helm. The engine coughed once and caught.

  
“Cas, what are you doing?”

  
“We’re going for a ride.”

  
Okay. So, things were not turning out at all like Dean imagined. Not at all. Cas looked pissed. And Dean was going to be stuck on a houseboat with the man with no way off. Oh sure, he could probably take Cas… he had done well in hand to hand combat training. Something told Dean to let this play out and see what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of this week will be crazy busy. I have a conference in Mobile and won't be home until Thursday night. Then family is coming for a visit. I will write when I can get back to my hotel, but I can't make any promises.
> 
> I hate to leave you hanging with the two of them on a houseboat...alone...just the two of them...two men with pent up sexual tension...did I mention they were on a houseboat...alone...?
> 
> Insert diabolical laughter here.


	8. Dating Single Dads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas makes Dean an offer. Dean should be happy with no strings, so why isn't he?

Dean stood out on the deck as Cas headed inland. He wanted to ask how far they were going and to remind Cas that he had to work in the morning, but Cas seemed to be trying to work things out in his head. The last thing Dean wanted to do was piss Cas off anymore than he already was.

  
They had gone probably five miles downriver when Cas finally killed the engine. He steered the boat to the bank. Dean looked around. They were in the middle of nowhere. He looked at Dean and motioned for him to follow him inside. Cas flipped on the lamp next to the couch and sat down in the one chair, leaving the sofa for Dean.

  
“I can’t go through this again, Dean. I can’t give you everything and have you walk away.” Dean opened his mouth to speak, but Cas held up a hand. “Please let me finish.” Dean nodded. “If all you want is a fuck, let me know now and I’ll deal with it. I just want you to be honest and up front this time.”

  
Dean stood up and began to pace the small room. “Let me get this straight, if I tell you all I want from you is sex, you’ll be okay with it?”

  
“I said I’d deal with it.” That wasn’t the same thing as being okay with it. Gabe had said they needed to fuck or decide to hate each other. There was no happy medium. Dean had watched Cas driving the boat, his jeans tight, his t-shirt clinging to his upper body…he’d felt lust. Yes, he wanted to fuck Cas. He wanted to undress him slowly, kiss his skin as he bared it inch by inch. But not this way…not with Cas looking at him like that. Like he was something special.

  
“What if…if I want…more?”

  
“You don’t,” Cas said matter-of-factly.

  
Dean’s anger flared. “You don’t know what I want!” Dean voice was loud in the small space.

  
“Let me tell you what I do know. I know you got married, long after your father died. You married because you were still wanting to prove you weren’t a fag like me.” Dean winced at the word. “Say what you want about her getting pregnant and wanting to do the right thing, but you dated her…you got to take her out in public.” Dean’s eyebrows rose, had he said that?

  
“When you’re drunk, you don’t hold anything back, Dean. You don’t want a relationship with a man, Dean. I don’t think you ever did.” Cas let his words sink in. Dean stood in silence, hands fisted at his side.

  
“I also know that you have a child now. Eventually, you will want a mother for her. I won’t fit in your life, Dean. I won’t fit into your future.”

  
“So, what, you’re offering up yourself as my fuck buddy? What happened to your self-respect, Cas?” Dean’s voice was laced with repressed rage.

  
“I have self-respect, Dean. I’ve haven’t hidden who I was since my mother died. I won’t hide who I am. Since when does sleeping with a nice looking man mean you have no self-respect?”

  
Dean had no answer and it pissed him off. “I’m not fucking you, Cas. If I want a quick fuck, I’ll go somewhere else…Eugene, Portland… I want…” What did he want? God, he was so fucking confused. Whenever he got around the man, his brain stopped functioning.

  
Cas must have sensed his struggle. He smiled, it was a sad smile and it did something to Dean’s heart. “If you say you want to be friends, I’ll punch you myself. I can’t be your friend…not now…not after…you left me. I’m not a masochist, Dean.”

  
“But you could let me fuck you?” Dean couldn’t think straight. Cas’ words were hard to hear.

  
“Sex is sex, Dean. Surely, you know that. You said when you got to Key West, you found a lot of available men. You could separate your feelings from sex. Why do you think I can’t?”

  
Dean’s head was reeling. He’d come to Cas’ to have sex. He’d wanted sex with Cas, but now that Cas was offering it up on a silver platter, Dean felt angry. Cas was better than that. Cas wasn’t someone’s fuck buddy. Cas was smart and funny. Cas was so Goddamn gorgeous. Cas was good.

  
“I’m not…I can’t just fuck you, Cas. And you don’t want to be friends. Where does that leave us?”

  
“There is no us, Dean.” Dean said almost those same exact words to Jo. No wonder she reacted like she did. Pain stabbed through his heart.

  
“I don’t believe that. We loved each other once, Cas.”

  
“Once, maybe…”

  
“No maybes. I was in love with you. You loved me too, unless you were lying?” Dean worded the question carefully to get a reaction from Cas.

  
Pain flashed in Cas’ eyes. It was the reaction Dean needed. Cas loved him then. He could love him again. “I never lied to you, Dean. Never.”

  
“Give me a chance, Cas. Please.” Dean Winchester didn’t beg…not since that night, long ago, when his father’s fists…he blocked the memory. Why was he begging now? He’d come back to Winchester Bay determined to not get involved with Cas again. That went really fucking well. While his thoughts raced, Dean kept his eyes on Cas’, waiting for a flicker of something…anything that would give him some hope.

  
Finally, Cas’ eyes closed and his voice was low, barely audible. “I won’t be your dirty little secret, Dean.”

  
Dean’s thoughts turned frantic. Was Cas saying that he wanted Dean to parade their relationship out in front of everyone? Did he want Dean to wave the rainbow flag? He hesitated too long and Cas gave him a sad lopsided smile. “That’s what I thought.” He walked past Dean and started the motor. Dean couldn’t move. His insecurities had just cost him everything. Dean’s eyes widened. When had Cas become his everything?

  
He wasn’t sure how he got to be standing behind Cas’ rigid body, but he was and he spun Cas around, hands gripping Cas’ strong shoulders. “I want to date you, Cas. Take you out in public. Hold hands. Fuck, if you want PDAs in front of the whole fucking fleet, you got it.”

  
Gabe had called it eye fucking and Dean figured that’s what this was. Cas’ eyes were so expressive. Dean saw confusion, joy, affection, apprehension…emotions flashed through like pictures on a movie reel. Dean hoped he was conveying his own thoughts and fears. Dean licked his dry lips and Cas’ gaze shifted down. Dean heard the small gasp that Cas tried to cover. “I need to get us turned around.” He backed up and took the helm. Dean gave a mental fist pump. He’d rattled Cas.

  
“Yeah, I guess so.” Dean took out his phone and checked the time. It was close to ten. He was going to be dragging ass Monday morning. The rest of the trip back to Cas’ dock was uneventful. Cas navigated through the dark water like a native. The sounds of the night were relaxing and Dean enjoyed just leaning against the rail next to Cas. They didn’t talk much, just an occasional question or observation. Cas hadn’t given him an answer and Dean was trying to be patient.

  
Dean jumped to the dock as Cas guided the houseboat in. He quickly tied her off and waited for Cas to join him. Cas stepped over the few inches of water separating the boat from the wooden planks and quickly hooked up a large extension cord. Dean looked around, he hadn’t noticed the small lights on the dock before.

  
“You’ve got power all the way out here?”

  
“Yes. It cost a fortune, but it was worth it. I thought about building a house up here, but the lot is really too small for that.”

  
“No one else lives around here. Why don’t you see who owns the adjacent property and try to buy it?”

  
“I know who owns it.” Cas said softly. He began walking to Dean’s Jeep. “Heard you have the Impala in Bobby’s garage.”

  
“Yeah, I want to get her running again. I missed her,” Dean lamented. He unlocked the door and stood by it nervously. He wanted to kiss Cas.

  
Cas chuckled. “I don’t kiss on the first date.” He took a step back from Dean.

  
“Was this our first date?” Dean gave Cas his most charming smile.

  
“Yes.”

  
“Good. I’m looking forward to the next one then. Goodnight, Cas.”

  
“Goodnight, Dean.”

  
Dean watched Cas in the rearview mirror until the trees blocked his view. Cas stayed where Dean left him, his shape silhouetted by the lights on the dock behind him. He was a mile down the road when he realized Cas said he knew who owned the property. He needed to ask him about it again.

  
**Monday**

  
Dean woke early and got his shower out of the way. He quickly got his uniform on and headed for his mother’s house. Kali was in her arms when she came to the door. His little girl’s eyes were sleepy and her strawberry blond hair was sticking up in every direction. “Good morning, Sunshine,” Dean said softly, holding out his hands. She leaned into them and he brought her close.

  
“How was she?” He asked, stroking her back.

  
“Fine. She didn’t want to go to sleep and cried for you a little.”

  
“I guess this was her first sleepover.” He patted her small bottom. “Ready to go home, Princess?”

  
“Home,” she repeated.

  
He leaned down to kiss his mother. “Thanks for this, Mom.”

  
“You’re welcome. You know I’m available anytime you need a sitter. Did you and the boys have fun last night?”

  
“Yeah, about that…I may have…lied. I was with Cas.”

  
“Why did you feel the need to lie to me, Dean?” He winced at her disappointed look. “You know how I feel about Castiel. You don’t need to hide your relationship from me. Oh…Oh…does this mean you and Castiel are…”

  
“Taking it slow. Neither of us want to rush into anything. Cas doesn’t really trust me all that much and I don’t blame him. I’ve just got to show him…I’ve grown up…changed. I’m not that insecure kid anymore.”

  
“I’m hope things work out for you, Dean. I’ve always loved Castiel and if he makes you happy…”

  
Dean shrugged. “We’ll see.”

  
Dean dropped Kali off at the house with Missouri and went to the station. Normally, he didn’t go on patrols in the PS. It was a small boat and Benny was perfectly capable of doing the job. Today, they were a man down due to a death in one of the crew’s family, so Dean volunteered to ride along.

  
Benny took her out to the opening of the harbor and started the routine patrols. Garth and a petty officer named Mills rounded out the crew of four. Dean stood next to Benny, holding onto the rail as the small boat rocked from the wake of a large crab boat heading out to sea.

  
“I’m dating Cas,” Dean told Benny in a voice that didn’t carry to the back of the boat where Garth and Mills were inspecting a channel marker’s lights.

  
“Castiel? You and he are…dating. That’s great, Brother.”

  
“I know you said you were cool with the whole…gay thing…but what about the rest of the crews. Do you think it’ll cause an issue?”

  
Benny pursed his lips, thinking about it before he spoke. “I don’t think so. You may have a few of the guys that are uncomfortable with it, but Chuck, Garth, Angi, Kevin…hell, we’ve got your back, Sir.”

  
It was the first time Benny had called him ‘sir’ and he knew it was a sign of respect. He clasped the big man’s shoulder. “Thanks.”

  
“You told the captain yet?”

  
Dean shook his head. “I’m thinking about waiting until Cas and I…” he shrugged. “…make a go of it…I guess.”

  
“You’re real confident, aren’t you?” Dean heard the heavy sarcasm and frowned.

  
“I messed him up pretty bad when I left town. I’ve just got to win his trust back.”

  
“I haven’t known you that long, but the Dean Winchester I know would go after what he wanted, torpedoes armed and ready.”

  
“Nice analogy, Dude.”

  
Before he left the office, he called Cas. It went straight to voice mail. He remembered then that it was Cas’ first day out on the Angel II. They wouldn’t be back until almost nightfall.

  
He sent a text knowing Cas would get it as soon as they were in range of a cell tower.

  
**TEXT TO CAS/4:40 – Call when you get in. Dinner?**

  
He stopped by the small store slash post office just in case. The selection of meat was thin. The store carried staples like bread, milk and flour, but for anything special you had to ride over to Lakeside to shop at the Safeway. Unsatisfied, Dean drove to the marina.

  
He saw The Rose unloading her catch. He should have stopped and picked up Kali. People didn’t tend to yell obscenities at you when you have a baby in your arms. Balthazar had his back to Dean as he watched his crew unload the crates of fresh seafood.

  
“Permission to come aboard,” Dean used the age old words of respect to a fellow captain.

  
Balthazar turned around and squared his shoulders, his posture unwelcoming. “What do you want, Winchester?”

  
“I’d like to buy some of your catch.”

  
“I don’t think so.” He turned back to his crew.

  
“It’s for Cas.” Dean’s voice carried over the sound of crates being stacked in the back of a refrigerator truck. Balthazar’s spine stiffened.

  
“My little brother has you buying his fish now? What? Didn’t he catch anything today?”

  
“I want to make him dinner.”

  
Balthazar jumped off his boat, landing just a foot in front of Dean. He snarled, “You may have Castiel and my brothers fooled, but I’ve got your number, Winchester. You proved what a bastard you were when you left town. We had to pick up the pieces. We had to assure Castiel that he wasn’t worthless. You and your secret little affair with him fucked with his head. It took years for him to come out to the people of this town and be proud of who he was…and you come back here…"

  
“I want to date Cas,” Dean interrupted, his voice raised enough so Balthazar’s crew could hear. “I don’t care who knows. I want to buy some fresh seafood, so I can fix him a nice meal. May I buy some of your catch. Please.”

  
Balthazar stared at him, his hands on his hips. Dean met his eyes, needing to prove something to the man. “Dave, pull out a few of the bigger crabs and a small tuna.” One of the deckhands got a small crate and picked up two huge Dungeness crabs. After they were handed off to Balthazar, he handed over a large, blue fish. Dean pulled out his wallet and Balthazar shook his head. “I can make you disappear, Winchester. Remember that.”

  
Dean picked up the crate and tucked it under his arm and took the tuna with his other hand. At least Balthazar didn’t punch him. Dean would take that as a win.

  
He was home cutting the tuna into fillets when his phone rang. He used his pinky finger, the one with the least amount of fish guts on it, to push the speaker.

  
“Hey, Cas.”

  
“Hello, Dean. I’m at the docks now, unloading.”

  
“How did she run?”

  
“Good. She’s a bit bulkier than the Angel, but we had a good haul today.”

  
“That’s great. I was hoping you could come over for dinner. I got some crab and tuna from Balthazar and I thought I’d…”

  
“Balthazar? You…he…”

  
Dean laughed. “He threatened me, but gave me enough food to make you a nice dinner.”

  
“I’ll need to finish unloading and take a shower. Can you give me another hour?

  
“Sure. Hurry though, Kali needs to eat at least an hour before bedtime or she…” Okay, he didn’t need to talk about his daughter’s poop with Cas. So not cool. “…she gets cranky.”

  
“Oh, okay.”

  
“See you soon.”

  
“Goodbye, Dean.”

  
“Hey, Princess, we’re having company tonight.” Kali was in her high chair with crayons and used copier paper he’d recycled from the office. She looked up at him. “Please be on your best behavior. No yelling, crying or biting.”

  
Dean had the table set, the butter for the crabs melted and the tuna seared to perfection when the doorbell rang.

  
He hefted Kali out of her chair and sat her on the floor. “Ready, Cupcake?”

  
“Door.” She pointed.

  
“Yep.” He opened the door and grinned. “You’re right on time.”

  
Cas smiled and walked into the house. Kali grinned and held up her hands. “Up.”

  
“Kali, come to Daddy.” Dean knew Cas was still nervous around Kali and he wanted to head her off before she pitched a fit because Cas didn’t pick her up. “Time to eat, Princess.”

  
She kicked Dean in the ribs and turned in his arms. “No.” She reached for Cas. Cas had the deer in the headlights look.

  
“Kali Lynn, please be a good girl. Remember, we just talked about this.” Dean gave a rueful smile to Cas and led the way to the dining room. “Let me just put her in her highchair and I’ll grab the food.”

  
Kali flailed her arms and legs making it almost impossible to get her in the seat. Cas watched in fascination at the toddler seemingly overpowering Dean. “She’s normally not…” Dean took another kick to the ribs. “…like this.”

  
“Want man,” she cried, her lips beginning to tremble. Dean got one leg under the straps, but by the time he got the other one confined, the first one was out again.

  
“Perhaps, if I were to…hold her…you could…finish dinner.”

  
Dean spun, Kali dangling from his hands. “You wouldn’t mind? She seems to like you.”

  
Cas took the pouting child and she brightened right up. She even patted his face. He hadn’t shaved and she rubbed her hand over it gingerly, her eyes crunched up. Dean was jealous of his own kid. She was in Cas’ arms and touching him. So not fair.

  
Dean got the food on the table and talked Cas through putting her in the highchair. It was funny to watch Cas fumbling around with the straps. “Is there a reason we have to tie her down? It seems a bit obsessive.”

  
“Are you kidding? If you turn your back on her, she’ll be out of that seat and falling on her head in a heartbeat. She’s a wild child.” Of course, Kali looked angelic as she gazed up at Cas like he was the second coming of Jesus.

  
Dean cut up her meal and sat it in front of her before serving Cas. They ate in companionable silence for the first few minutes. Kali took the scalloped potatoes and rubbed them into her hair. Cas looked horrified, but he didn’t comment. He didn’t comment when she took a piece of tuna and lobbed it to the center of the table either. Dean’s doubts came rushing to the surface. He was a single father. His life revolved around poop, thrown food and temper tantrums. Cas was probably going to run away as fast as he could after this.

  
Dean’s phone rang and it was the emergency number for the station. “Sorry, gotta take this.”

  
Dean picked up. A pleasure craft reported a person overboard. They needed Dean. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

  
“Commander, they’ve been in the water approximately thirty minutes…” The sentence remained unspoken. Even in the summer, the waters in the Pacific Northwest were cold. Wasted time could kill someone.

  
“I’m sorry, I’ve got my baby here. I’ll drop her off at my mom’s and be there as soon as I can.”

  
He hung up and looked at Cas. “I’m sorry. I’ve got a person in the water.”

  
“Go, I can manage watching Kali.”

  
“Cas, I can’t ask you…”

  
“Go, Dean.” Dean gave him one last look. There was no time to change. He kept a blue jumpsuit in the car and it would have to do. He made it to the dock in just under three minutes. The MLB’s motors were already running. Dean jumped on board. Angi and Kevin were on deck.

  
“Go!” Dean commanded and the boat pulled away from the docks. The moon was just a sliver and that was unfortunate. It made looking for the person in the water much more difficult. Why was someone out this late? As soon as they cleared the end of the main dock, Dean ordered the helmsman to put the throttle down. The inlet and harbor areas were a no wake zone, but this was an emergency. The white trail left by the motors churning the water seemed to glow.

  
At full throttle, it took less than ten minutes to get to the coordinates. Dean was looking through the binoculars. “There she is.” The sailboat was bobbing in the light chop. “Slow her down…five knots.”

  
“Five knots,” the helmsman repeated and the boat rocked with the force of backing off the speed. Kevin flipped a few switches and flood lights lit up the water around them.

  
“The caller told dispatch that the person was hit with the boom and knocked overboard. They couldn’t find him in the dark. The chopper should be here in less than five.” Angi was already pulling on her dive gear as she spoke.

  
“All eyes on the water,” Dean called to crew and they took their places at the gunwales.

  
As they neared the sailboat, a hysterical woman screamed over to them. “Please find him. God, please find him.”

  
They worked a grid pattern without results and Dean was relieved when he heard the chopper. The huge halogen lights fixed to the underbelly of the helicopter lit up the water. The rotors caused the waves to thrash and churn. “There!” Kevin cried out, pointing across their starboard bow. The helmsman eased down on the throttle and Angi hit the water. They watched her grab the man’s collar and feel for a pulse. He’d been floating on his back, unconscious. She looked up at Dean and gave him a thumbs up. He was alive. A diver from the chopper hit the water within five feet of Angi.

  
“Let’s get him up,” Dean called out to his men. The chopper sent down a basket stretcher and Angi and the other diver loaded the man into it. He was lifted up into the chopper. The diver was lifted up next and it flew off, low over the water. Dean and Kevin helped Angi aboard and then they moved closer to the sailboat. It took a few minutes to calm the man’s wife and Dean explained the chopper was taking him to the nearest hospital. She was incapable of sailing the boat, so they towed her into port.

  
By the time Dean pulled the Jeep up to his house, it was just after two in the morning. He was exhausted. So, exhausted that he’d forgotten he’d left Cas with Kali until that second. “Son of a bitch!” He jumped out of the Jeep and ran up the steps. He flung open the door and stopped short. Cas was lying in the recliner with a sleeping Kali on his chest. As Dean got closer, he realized Cas was asleep too. Kali had her favorite pajamas on. They were pink with purple hippos wearing yellow tutus. They’d been folded in a laundry basket on Dean’s bed waiting to be put away. He stared down at his daughter, thumb in her mouth. Cas’ dark lashes fanned across the darkened skin under his eyes. One hand was resting on Kali’s bottom.

  
Dean couldn’t begin to understand the emotions he was feeling. He looked around the living room. Okay, so the cute picture they made in the recliner made up for the disaster that was his house, but not by much. Duplo blocks were scattered everywhere. Every stuffed animal Kali owned was lined up on the couch. Her Leapfrog and all the stuff that went with it was on the coffee table. All the dinner dishes were still on the dining room table. Quietly, he cleared the table and stacked the dishes by the dishwasher. He turned to put something in the trash and stopped. Amusement lit his features. In the top of the trashcan were six disposable diapers. All of them torn in some way. Dean kept a box of diapers for emergencies when Kali was sick, but she hadn’t used them in several months. He wondered how big of a fight she put up when Cas tried to put her in them. Looking at the carnage, it looked like Kali may have won that war.

  
Gently, careful not to wake her, he lifted her off Cas and tucked her against his chest. Cas murmured in his sleep, but didn’t waken. Something felt weird under her pajamas and he pulled back the elastic waistband. He had to stifle his laughter. A disposable diaper was held on by a large amount of duct tape. Once she was tucked safely into her bed, he came back downstairs. Instead of waking Cas, Dean took a blanket out of the hall closet and laid it over Cas. He shut off the lights and went upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This evil writer took pity on her readers and got another chapter out. I should have been packing for the conference...if I get to Mobile and have no underwear, heads are going to roll.


	9. Sea Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two spend the day together...does it bring them closer or not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't edited. So, if you see any typos - please let me know.

He was so tired, but the thought of Cas being downstairs was keeping Dean awake. The picture of his daughter on Cas’ chest, both sleeping soundly, was one he wouldn’t soon forget. He dozed off only to be awakened by the ringing of his cell phone five minutes before his alarm was set to go off.

“Winchester,” Captain Crowley said briskly.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Send messages to your crew last night that you get a day of R & R. Don’t come in today, but I will expect your report on my desk by noon on Wednesday.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir. Any word on the victim, Captain?”

“No. I will call the hospital when I get to the office. I will text you the information.”

“Thanks, Captain.”

“Get some sleep, Winchester.”

He sent a quick text to the crew. Dean lay back on his pillow. He had the day off. He was about to doze off again when he heard a noise from downstairs. He had the drawer of his nightstand open and his service revolver in his hand before he remembered Cas. Cas. Downstairs. In his house. He bounded out of bed and down the stairs. 

Cas, rumpled from sleep, was staring grumpily at Dean’s coffeemaker. He turned and glared at Dean. “Make it work.”

Dean grinned. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist.” Cas’ bitchface rivaled Sam’s. It just made Dean chuckle. He took the coffee down from the cabinet and set to work.

“Time you get in?” Cas mumbled.

“Two.”

“Rescue go okay?”

“He was alive when we found him. The Captain is supposed to let me know when he finds out his condition.”

Cas was watching the coffee drip like it was crack and he needed his next fix. “Can’t this thing go any faster?”

“What time did you go to sleep last night? Did Kali give you a hard time? Thanks for watching her, by the way. That meant a lot to me.” Dean was nervous for some reason. Cas was in his kitchen. Cas was standing right next to him.

“She has a lot of energy.” 

Dean laughed. “Is that your way of saying she’s demon spawn?”

Cas tilted his head. “No. She’s really sweet, Dean.”

“Sweet? Are you talking about Kali Winchester or some other kid?”

“We had a few issues, but we worked them out satisfactorily.”

It was Dean’s turn to tilt his head. “Huh?”

“I didn’t want to give her a bath because she’s a little girl and I’m not her father, but the sauce from the potatoes was turning crusty. I decided to put her on the kitchen counter and use the dish sprayer to wash it out of her hair. She was not pleased, so I bribed her with ice cream.”

“Ice cream? I don’t have any ice cream.”

“You do now.” Cas opened Dean freezer and three pints of ice cream, chocolate, vanilla and strawberry, were sitting on the shelf. “I made an emergency call to Gabe. He delivers.”

“Kali gets wound up on sugar, Cas.”

“I found that out when I tried to get her into her pajamas. I tried to let her put them on by herself so I would not see her naked. She insisted on something called ‘pull ups’.” Dean leaned up against the kitchen counter, fascinated by Cas’ narration of his evening with Kali. It was all he could do to keep from laughing. “I thought she meant diapers and I found some in her closet. When I left the room for her to change, she ripped several apart. I hated to waste them, so I found some tape in your kitchen drawer. She liked the silver color and I told her it was magic tape.” Dean was nodding sagely, teeth biting his lips so hard it hurt. He couldn’t laugh.

“The pajama dilemma was difficult, but we muddled through.”

“The pajama dilemma?” Dean had to turn around and busy himself with pouring their coffee. His eyes were watering.

“Apparently, the hippo pajamas are very important to her.”

Dean couldn’t hold it in any longer. He burst out laughing and Cas gave him another bitchface. “I came close to tearing your house apart looking for them, Dean. It’s not funny.”

“Sorry,” Dean choked out the word between fits of laughter. “You really don’t know how much I appreciate you watching her for me.”

The coffee was finally ready and Dean watched Cas adding a fuckton of sugar and milk to his coffee. “Christ, Cas, you want coffee with your sugar and milk?”

Cas gave Dean another scathing look. Dean grinned. Cas was grumpy in the morning and Dean thought it was kind of cute.

They both drank their coffee in silence. Cas finished first and rinsed out his mug. “I’ve got to get down to the boat.”

“Yeah, guess so.” For some reason, Dean was disappointed. The doorbell announced Missouri’s arrival. 

“Crap. I forgot to call Missouri and tell her I was off today.” 

“You’ve got the day off?” Cas asked, following Dean to the door.

“Uh huh. Captain gave the whole crew some R & R since we were out most of the night.”

“Come out on the boat with me then.” Dean froze with his hand on the doorknob. Cas looked shocked. Had he not meant it? “I mean…if you aren’t too tired and…and…”

“Are you sure you want me along? I haven’t worked a fishing boat in a long time.” Fourteen years, three months and fifteen days to be exact. But who’s counting? Dean sure wasn’t.

“I won’t work you too hard.” Cas’ mouth turned up at the corners.

Dean opened the door. “Sure took you long enough. Why aren’t you dressed yet? Oh…hello.” Missouri’s eyes took in Cas’ rumpled look and Dean’s sleep pants and ratty t-shirt. Her smile reminded Dean of the sharks in Finding Nemo. 

“Good morning, Ms. Moseley,” Cas said politely. 

“It’s Missouri.” She looked from Cas to Dean and back again like she was expecting a full report. 

“Missouri, I’m going to be working on Cas’ boat today. We’ll be back before nightfall. If you can’t stay, I’ll get Mom to come get her.”

“I can stay. You boys go have fun.” 

Dean turned to Cas. Let me get dressed and I’ll meet you at the boat.”

“Alright.” Cas nodded again to Missouri and left. 

Dean saw Missouri’s speculative look and shook his head. “Don’t. Nothing happened. We had dinner and then I got called out to an emergency rescue. Cas stayed with Kali. He slept downstairs and I slept in my bed. End of story.”

“Maybe something will happen next time.”

Dean face flushed crimson. “God, Missouri…don’t say shit like that.”

“Why not…like you weren’t thinking it, Dean Winchester.”

Dean knew when to retreat. He ran up the stairs, checked on Kali and took a quick shower. By the time he was dressed in an old pair of jeans and t-shirt, Kali was just waking up.

“Hey, Sunshine.”

“Daddy.” She held up her arms but looked past him. “Cas?”

She said ‘Cas’. Cas must have taught her his name last night. “Cas went to work, Sweetheart.”

“Cas!” She said a bit louder. 

“Kali, Cas isn’t here.” Her lip began to tremble. What had the man done to his child? “Missouri’s here. Do you want some Apple Jacks?”

“Appa Jacks!” Crisis averted. Dean used a pair of scissors to cut off the duct tape and helped her with her panties. He grabbed a pair of jeans and a pink t-shirt and took her downstairs.

“Missouri, could you finish dressing her and give her some Apple Jacks. I need to get to the boat before they leave me.”

“Umpf,” Missouri huffed. “That boy ain’t going to leave you.” She took Kali from him after he gave his little girl a big kiss on her cheek.

He parked the Jeep in the lot next to Bobby’s office and ran down the dock. The Angel II was idling. Ash was on deck and when he saw Dean, he grinned. “Welcome aboard. The cap is in the wheel house.” Dean jumped onto the boat and Ash threw off the lines. Dean stepped over the equipment and made his way to the helm. Cas was talking on the radio to one of his brothers from what Dean heard of the conversation. “Yes. I’ve got the coordinates. We’ll hit there first and check it out. Ten-four. Angel II out.

“Where are we heading?”

“I’m heading for the Cascadia Seachannel. Gabe and Luc had some great luck yesterday.”

Dean knew the seachannel was ten miles offshore. Just out of range for the Coast Guard patrols. The patrols had to stop at the edge of international waters unless there was an emergency. 

While they were underway, Dean explored the boat. Cas had put some work into her and she had all the conveniences of home. As they neared the area, Dean, Ash and the other mates got the bait ready and began rigging the lines. By noon, they had several hundred pounds of tuna. Cas stopped the engines and the crew at lunch on the bow. Dean liked Cas’ men. Ash didn’t look like much, but he was smart. Dean got to watch Cas in his natural habitat, laughing and joking around with his men. Every once in a while, Cas’ eyes would meet Dean’s. Cas was always the first to look away.

The day was going great, but Dean’s lack of sleep was catching up with him. He was baiting a line when one of the large hooks caught the skin between his thumb and forefinger because he wasn’t paying enough attention. It ripped a jagged laceration. Dean cursed and grabbed at the wound with his dirty, bait covered hand. Cas yanked his hand away. “Get inside and let’s get it cleaned.” 

Cas pulled the large first aid box from under the captain’s chair and opened it up. He poured hydrogen peroxide over Dean’s hand. “Motherfucker,” Dean screamed and tried to jerk his hand away. Cas held it firm. 

“Be still.” Once the foaming stopped. Cas put an antiseptic on the nasty wound and wrapped it in gauze. “Why don’t you take a nap?”

“I’m fine, Cas.”

“You’re dead on your feet. I shouldn’t have asked you to come.”

“Why did you?” Dean was tired and when he was tired, he tended to snap at people.

Cas looked at him for a few seconds and then shifted his eyes away. “I wanted to spend time with you,” he said quietly.

Dean’s foul mood evaporated as quickly as it came. “Wake me in fifteen.” He stepped below decks and stretched out on one of the bunks. The boat rocked him to sleep within minutes.

The vibration of the engines woke Dean. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. His hand was throbbing. He should have taken some of the Tylenol Cas had offered. When he got to the wheelhouse, he saw the sun sinking on the horizon. “I said fifteen minutes, Cas.”

Cas turned from the front window and shrugged. “You needed the rest.”

Dean grimaced but didn’t say anything. He came to stand by Cas. He could see the green of the Oregon coastline in the distance. Cas changed their heading and a large swell caught them, rocking the boat sideways. Dean’s body nudged against Cas’ and he righted himself quickly. He was close enough to Cas to smell his shampoo. He found himself leaning into Cas’ personal space. Before he could pull away again, Cas turned. Dean’s eyes went to the man’s lips, dry and slightly chapped from the wind and salt air. “Cas…I want…”

“Hey, Cap, just tallied the catch. I think we got over a thousand pounds today,” Ash said, stepping into the wheelhouse. Dean jumped back and Ash looked from Dean to Cas. “Am I…uhm…interrupting something?”

“No.” Cas’ voice was sharp and Dean brushed past Ash in his hurry to get away from Cas. He wanted to go slow…get Cas to trust him again…show Cas he’d changed… 

“Way to go, Winchester,” Dean muttered as he made his way to the back of the boat. He was watching the wake kicked up by the two inboard motors when he felt rather than saw Cas beside him. “Who’s steering this tub?”

“Ash.”

Dean nodded, his hands thrust deep in his pockets, shoulders hunched forward in a defensive posture. Was Cas going to tell him to forget the whole dating thing? 

“What were you going to say?”

“Huh?” Yes, Dean was being obtuse. He knew exactly what Cas was referring to, but playing dumb was the thing to do in this situation.

“What did you want?” Cas gave Dean a look that told him Cas knew he was avoiding his question.

“Nothing.” 

“Do you remember that I said I wanted you to be honest and up front with me this time?”

Dean exhaled, huffing air out between clinched teeth. “Yeah.”

Cas didn’t say anything, he just watched the gulls chasing the boat in search of scraps of bait or trash fish. 

“I wanted to know if I could kiss you.” Dean eyes never left the water. He didn’t want to see Cas’ expression.

“You were going to ask permission?” Dean did turn then. Cas was still looking up at the birds. “You have changed.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Cas turned and met Dean’s eyes. “The Dean Winchester I used to know was impulsive. He took what he wanted…damn the consequences.”

“That Dean Winchester was an immature boy. I’d like to think I’ve grown up a little.”

The engines slowed and Dean looked over his shoulder. They were nearing the entrance to the harbor.

“Yes.”

Dean looked at him quizzically. “Yes, what?” Did he miss something?

“Yes, you can kiss me.”

“Oh…” The butterflies that had been flying in circles in Dean’s stomach turned into enormous fighter planes doing loops and spins and stalls. He leaned forward, closed his eyes and let his lips touch Cas’. It was chaste…tentative…almost innocent.  
The whoops that came from behind Dean caused him to spin around. The PS with Benny at the helm was coming along on their port side. Benny was laughing and the other two crew members were grinning. His head whipped back around. “You did that on purpose.” Cas would have seen the PS from where he stood.

“I needed to see if you were telling the truth about dating…being seen in public. I had to know, Dean.”

For an instant, Dean was angry. Was Cas just playing a game? But Cas eyes held sincerity. Cas wanted proof. Fine, Dean would give him proof. He cupped the back of Cas’ neck and pulled him against his chest. This kiss was anything but innocent. He forced Cas’ mouth open with his tongue. His hand dug into Cas’ hair, gripping it…pulling Cas’ head back, so his mouth was under Dean’s. Cas wasn’t kissing back, but he wasn’t fighting it either.

Benny blew the airhorn and then the PS sped away. He knew he’d get a lot of ribbing tomorrow. He suddenly realized he didn’t care. Dean let Cas go. His breath was a bit ragged. Cas’ lips were swollen from the assault. “I’m not apologizing for that.”

“Now, that’s the Dean I knew and lo…” Cas stopped midsentence. “I need to get to the wheelhouse. Ash isn’t good at docking her.” He turned and almost ran from Dean. Dean watched him go. Cas was going to say knew and loved. As in past tense. It was stupid for Dean to think Cas could still love him after all those years. 

Cas took the boat into her berth and a large refrigerator truck was waiting. Dean help unload the large crates of fish. It hurt his hand some, but he sucked it up. The gloves Cas made him wear helped.

When they were done. Dean helped spray off the deck and put all the tackle and supplies away. One by one, Cas’ crew left until it was just Ash, Dean and Cas. Cas was getting his things out of the wheelhouse. Ash slapped Dean on the back. “Don’t be a stranger, Dude.”

“That’s up to your captain,” Dean responded.

“I guess you need to pull out all the stops, huh?”

“I guess. Did you know Will?”

Ash looked around, but Cas hadn’t made his appearance yet. “Yeah. He was a nice guy. He really loved Castiel.”

“I figured as much,” Dean said, a trace of bitterness in his voice.

“You jealous?” Ash said, obviously amused. “No need to be. Will left a long time ago. He’s only been back once. Castiel didn’t feel the same way. I think Castiel’s heart belonged to someone from his past.”

So, Ash didn’t know their history. He was giving Dean a speculative look though. Cas came out of the wheelhouse, duffle bag in hand. “It’s quitting time.” 

Ash jumped down to the dock and gave them a cocky wave. “See you tomorrow, Cap.”

“Night, Ash,” Cas called out.

“See you around.” Dean waved. Now what? Dean needed to go home and relieve Missouri. He needed to spend some quality time with Kali too. “I guess I should get home.”

“It is getting late.” They stood awkwardly on the dock staring at each other. The chugging sound of a boat motor caused them both to look away. Gabe’s boat was backing into the slip next to the Angel II. 

“I guess I’ll see you around,” Dean shuffled down the dock. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the way they parted.


	10. Just One Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word of the kiss gets out, but not by idle gossip. They are officially dating.

Dean tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. “Dumbass,” he said to himself. He should have asked Cas to come home with him. Try the dinner thing again. Maybe he wouldn’t be called out. Dinner, put Kali to bed, watch a movie or two…but no, Dean had to stand around with his thumb up his ass.

  
Missouri was doing her whole knitting thing again. Kali was playing on her LeapFrog. She was learning colors from the talking tablet.

  
“What are you knitting?” Dean asked as he pulled off his boots.

  
“It’s a wedding blanket,” she answered, standing up and beginning to put her things away.

  
“Who’s getting married?” In a town this small, Dean would have heard about a wedding. Then again, a lot had changed in the time he’d been gone. There were a lot of new guys on the fishing boats.

  
“I’m not sure. I just knew I had to begin one.”

  
Dean shook his head. “Your woo woo stuff is freakin’ strange sometimes.” He wasn’t going to come out and say he believed Missouri was a true psychic, but he wasn’t as quick to think the woman was nuts either.

  
She was looking at him strangely. “What?”

  
“Something happened today,” she said mysteriously.

  
“Something happens every day,” Dean countered with a trace of sarcasm.

  
“Something to make your man…” She stopped.

  
“Oh, no, you can’t start saying something like that and just stop. What do you know? What about Cas?”

  
“He’s trying to bury his pain and give you another chance. You can’t blow it this time, Boy. He’s the one for you. Always has been. Always will be.”

  
“I’m…”

  
“I won’t say anymore.” She bent down to give Kali a kiss and left. When Dean heard the door shut, he realized he had goosebumps. He shook it off and made himself a sandwich. Kali had already eaten. When he was done, he sat on the floor with Kali and helped her to recognize the different colors. When they got to the color blue, Dean couldn’t help but think of Cas’ eyes.

  
Later, after Kali was in bed, Dean couldn’t help but think of Missouri’s words. His logical mind told him psychics weren’t real, they couldn’t be. There was a small part of him that wanted her words to be true. Cas was giving him another chance. What did that mean for Dean though? What did a future with Cas mean? It meant he would be a part of Kali’s life. It was obvious Kali was already fond of Cas, but what if she got really attached and then they broke up.

  
Dean paced the length of his living room and back. He stopped at the big window in the front of the room. From there, Dean could just make out the marina. He was too far away to make out the individual boats though. He loved the sight. He’d grown up seeing those boats leave in the early mornings, only to come back again as the sun set. Unfortunately, there were those that didn’t come back. Things would be different if the Mary Kate was still sitting in her berth. Dean would have never come home…not if John would have lived. He would have never seen Cas again. Cas would have found someone new. Maybe got back together with Will. Cas might not have loved Will, but it was obvious the way they talked on the phone that Cas still cared about the guy.  
The thought of Cas with anyone else made Dean sick with jealousy. This thing with Cas was tying him in knots. He hated being unsure of things. He either had to give Cas a hundred percent or nothing at all…just call the whole thing off. There could be no halfway.

  
He was still thinking of his decision when he undressed for the night. It was too warm in the house and Dean pushed off the covers as soon as he was in the bed. His palm came to rest on the crotch of his sleep pants. He wasn’t hard, not even close. He closed his eyes. He needed to clear his head. He had to go to work in the morning.

  
A memory surfaced and Dean tried to push it away. Not tonight. He needed sleep.

  
_Cas’ eyes were filled with lust. Cas was using his mouth on Dean's nipples. They didn’t have any condoms or lube with them. The small skiff bobbed in the small secluded inlet. They were both naked. The blanket Dean took from the house wasn’t enough padding for his ass, but he didn’t care. Cas was on top of him, their cocks rubbing together. They took pleasure with kissing and touching. They knew each others body well enough by that time. Cas knew Dean’s nipples were his weakness. He could almost come just from Cas sucking on them alone. Dean made a soft mewling sound as Cas’ teeth worked over the sensitive bud at the same time he thrust his hips against Dean’s dick. “Cas…gonna come.”_

  
_Cas looked up at him, his teeth still attached to Dean’s nipple. He smiled with his eyes and bit down. Dean screamed his name and spilt his cum all over their stomachs. Cas rutted in the slick wetness for a few more strokes and then he came. He released a long, low moan and then Dean felt the heat on his belly._

  
_They were young and their recovery period was short. Cas smeared his fingers through their combined cum and began to prep himself. Dean watched in awe as Cas worked himself open. “Cas, don’t fuckin’ tease like that…I can’t fuckin’ believe I forgot the damn condoms. Cas had looked up, his eyes hooded._

  
_“I want you to fuck me, Dean.”_

  
_“Cas…”_

  
_“Please, Dean.”_

  
Dean stroked his cock to a full erection and when he pushed into Cas bareback, it was the best feeling in the world. That had been the one and only time they’d taken the chance.

  
Dean was using his left hand since his right was bandaged and still sore. It took longer. He remembered every detail of that afternoon. Even having to jump in the frigid water to clean themselves off. When he came it was mostly silent, just his heavy panting and a soft grunt. He padded barefoot to the bathroom and wiped himself down with a damp washcloth.

  
“Should sleep good now,” he said to his reflection in the mirror. His skin was rosy with post-orgasmic flush. He used his hands to splash cool water on his face. This time, when he lay down, he fell asleep and slept soundly until his alarm woke him.

  
**Wednesday**

  
When he got to the station, he knocked on the captain’s doorframe. Crowley looked up. “Morning, Winchester.”

  
“Captain, can I have a private word.”

  
“Sure, what’s on your mind?” Dean closed the captain’s door.

  
He swallowed and took a deep breath. “Sir, I’m…dating someone…”

  
Crowley raised an eyebrow. “Son, I don’t care what you do on your off time.” He was giving Dean an amused look.

  
“It’s…It’s a man, Sir.”

  
Crowley leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. He pursed his lips. “You do realize the whole don’t ask, don’t tell thing is in the past, don’t you?”

  
“Yes, Sir. I just wanted to make you aware…in case you heard something. Some of the men know.”

  
“Has anyone given you any grief over it?”

  
“No…No, Sir. Most of my crew know Cas and are friends with him.”

  
“Cas? As in Castiel Novak?”

  
“Yes, Sir. Do you know him?”

  
“Everyone knows the Novak brothers. They give back to the community. Always show up to support the station when we need it. Castiel is the youngest, isn’t he?”

  
“Yes, Sir.”

  
“Winchester, I wish you the best. Now, don’t you have a boat to get out?”

  
Dean grinned and backed out of his commanding officer’s office. “Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”

  
He ran up the gangway and met Turner at the bridge. “Let’s get this tub underway, Turner,” Dean said with a grin.

  
“Aye, Commander.”

  
As the cutter’s engines took her out into the harbor, Dean saw the Angel II heading straight out towards the Cascadia Seachannel again. Dean watched her until she was just a speck on the horizon. His day was uneventful and long. When the dock came into sight later that afternoon, Dean let out a sigh of relief.

  
He passed the PS empty and tied up for the evening. He wondered where Benny was. So far, he hadn’t had anyone say anything to him about the kiss yesterday, but he knew news like that spread like wildfire on a duty station. Before he left for the day, he walked over to the boat maintenance facility. Benny’s car was still in the parking lot. He had to be somewhere.

  
The interior of the building was lit by large florescent lights. Benny, Angi, Chuck, Kevin and Garth were standing near the open bay door that overlooked the dock. At the clang of the door, they all turned. Benny grinned. “Hey, Brother. Was wondering if I’d see you today.”

  
“Alright, I’m ready…give it your best shot,” Dean told the big Cajun.

  
Benny looked at Dean quizzically. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  
“The kiss.”

  
“What kiss?” Angi asked, looking from Dean to Benny.

  
“I told my crew to keep their mouth shut. We may have given you a hard time out there, but it stayed on the boat,” Benny informed him.

  
“What kiss?” Angi repeated.

  
Dean flushed a bright red. “So, I just opened my mouth for nothing.”

  
Benny shrugged. “Friends don’t rat out friends. Even if it was romantic. Might have been even more romantic if you would have stood on the bow and hugged him from behind.”

  
“I hated Titanic. That’s three fuckin’ hours of my life I’ll never get back,” Dean said vehemently.

  
“What kiss?” Angi shouted.

  
Benny pointed to Dean. “You can take the question, Commander.”

  
Dean looked up at the ceiling, willing some hole to swallow him. Him and his big mouth. “I kissed Cas on his boat.”

  
“Cas! As in Castiel Novak?” Chuck asked. Why did everyone ask him the same question, like there was more than one Cas in town?

  
“Castiel Novak? You kissed Castiel?” Angi was grinning. “That’s fantastic. He’s such a sweet guy.”

  
“You guys dating now?” Garth asked.

  
Dean spent the next fifteen minutes answering questions and getting dating advice. He finally escaped with the excuse he had to relieve his babysitter.

  
He rushed home, changed and took Kali to The Roadhouse for dinner. He’d sent Cas a text telling him to meet them there when he got in. Ellen took Kali and was showing her off to all the customers. Jo gave him a tentative smile and he smiled back. They were going to be fine once she got over her embarrassment.

  
Dean’s phone chirped and he saw a text from Cas. He was on his way. Ten minutes later, he was walking in the door. Dean saw that he hadn’t bothered to change. He was in jeans, a t-shirt and his rubber boots. A baseball hat was perched on his head. It had a rooster on it. Dean’s mind went south.

  
“Nice hat.”

  
“Thanks.”

  
At that minute, Kali saw him from her perch on the piano bench with Ellen. “Cas!” She shouted and got herself down. She ran across the room and launched herself at Cas. Cas looked terrified. He leaned down and patted her head. “Up!” She demanded.

  
He picked her up awkwardly. Dean grinned. “You’ve got a fan.”

  
“I’m not sure why. I don’t know anything about children.” He sat down and sat Kali down on the table and then he pulled her off, looking around quickly.

  
“The baby police aren’t going to arrest you for putting her butt on the table, Cas.”

  
Cas flushed pink. “There is no such thing.” But he looked around again, like he was making sure no one was going to handcuff him and take him in.

  
Dean looked past Cas and saw Jo looking at him. He saw the exact moment she put two and two together. A sadness passed over her face before she picked up a towel and started wiping the bar down.

  
“You have a good day?” He asked Cas, turning back to him.

  
“Thirteen hundred pounds.”

  
“Nice haul,” Dean said and then nodded towards the high chair. “You can park her butt in there.”

  
Cas stood and lowered Kali into the wooden seat. “No…no…want Cas.”

  
“She wants me,” Cas said softly.

  
“She can get in line after her daddy,” Dean teased. He was pleased to see Cas redden even more.

  
Dean took pity on Cas and stood up. He reached for Kali and she pouted. “Cas…Cas…”

  
“You’ve got to sit down and eat. Cas is right next to you.” Her lips were still poked out but she sat down without anymore outbursts.

  
Ellen brought them a pitcher of beer and took their orders. When she retreated to the kitchen, Cas raised his eyes to Dean’s. “Did you get any fallout because of the kiss?”

  
“No. I told my C.O. this morning that I was dating a man. He didn’t have a problem with it. He thinks you and your brothers are stand up guys.”

  
“You just came out and said we were dating to him?” Cas looked disbelieving.

  
“Well…yeah. I’d rather it come from me than he hear it as gossip.”

  
“Oh…” Cas looked down at his hands again.

  
“Cas, we are dating, aren’t we?”

  
Cas didn’t say anything for almost a full minute. Dean’s throat constricted and his stomach was suddenly full of churning acid.

  
“Is this what you really want, Dean?” Cas whispered. Dean barely heard him over the noise of the bar.

  
“It is. I want to get to know you again, Cas. I want you to get to know me. We had something once and I made mistakes…lots of mistakes…but now, I just want to prove to you that I’m worth it again.”

  
When Cas didn’t speak, Dean continued, “I’m scared shitless, Cas. I’ve got a baby to think about now. She already likes you. If we’re going to make a go out of this, it means you’ll be a part of her life. I don’t even know if you wanted kids… shit, we never talked about that when we were together…back then. I guess that’s one of the things we need to talk about…before…before we go any further.”

  
Again, there was a long pause, like Cas was forming all the sentences in his head before he spoke. Dean tried to be patient, but his nerves were close to the surface. He was jiggling his leg to release some of the nervous energy.

  
“Will wanted kids. I told him I wasn’t interested.” Dean’s heart sank, not just because Cas wasn’t interested in children, but because Will’s name came up again. “But…” He looked at Kali. “…I can see myself…with a little practice…being a dad.”

  
Dean breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Well, that’s one hurtle, we’ve crossed. What’s next?”

  
“Next?” Cas’ head tilted in the way that made Dean want to cuddle him up to his chest and…what the fuck? Dean frowned at the weird detour his thoughts took.

  
“Yeah, Cas, what other things we got dangling over our heads?”

  
“I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking.”

  
“What about Will?” Dean regretted the question the moment it left his mouth.

  
“Will? What about Will?”

  
“Well, do you have feelings for him?” Dean knew Cas didn’t love the man, at least that’s what he’d been told and what he sort of eavesdropped on, but feelings didn’t necessarily mean love.

  
“Feelings?”

  
Why are you repeating everything I say?” Dean couldn’t help but sound irritable.

  
“I’m just confused why you are bringing up my ex.”

  
“You brought him up when we were talking about kids…I’m just curious. That’s all.”

  
“Will treated me very well. I couldn’t give him what he needed and he left. I do care about him, Dean, but I don’t love him, if that’s what you are asking.”

  
“Good…I mean, not good that he left you and…shit… Look, I’m just…glad…he’s not in the picture anymore. He isn’t in the picture anymore, is he?” God, Dean, shut the fuck up already.

  
“You have no reason to be jealous,” Cas replied.

  
“Jealous? I’m not jealous.” At Cas’ amused look, Dean shut his mouth.

  
Dean was saved by Ellen appearing with their food. He fed Kali off of his plate. She wound up wearing more food than she got into her mouth. Cas was watching her with a morbid sense of fascination.

  
“I can see she gets her table manners from her father,” Cas said with an innocent smile.

  
“Bite me.”

  
“Maybe when I get to know you a little better,” Cas said with an arch of his eyebrow. Dean wondered if Cas remembered that his teeth had gotten Dean off many times. Cas’ next words confirmed that he did. “I seem to recall that you liked being bitten.”

  
Dean opened his mouth to give a witty reply, but closed it again. His face felt hot and he know he was blushing.

  
Cas walked Dean to his car and watched as he buckled Kali in her carseat. When Dean finished and stood up, he found Cas in his personal space. “Now that we don’t have an audience, I’d like to try kissing you again.”

  
Dean smiled and stepped closer to Cas. He reached for Cas’ waist and threaded his fingers through Cas’ belt loops. With a small tug, Cas was flush against him. Dean’s lips hovered above Cas’. “I want this, Cas,” he whispered and let his mouth cover Cas’. The kiss started gently, merely a brush. Cas was the one who slid his tongue along Dean’s bottom lip until Dean opened for him. He let Cas invade his mouth. He’d done a lot of kissing in his adult life, but this kiss rocked his world. His hands trembled as they slowly moved up Cas’ back.

  
When they came up for air, Cas smiled. “Friday night. Dinner at my place?”

  
“Yes.” That was all Dean could manage. Cas stepped back, turned and walked away. Dean touched his lips as he watched Cas unlock his SUV and drive away.

  
“Your daddy is in trouble,” Dean said to Kali. She yawned.


	11. Pull of the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As dates go, it wasn't what they planned...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, you've all been so patient. Smut has arrived.

**Thursday**

  
The LE was out of the water for maintenance on Thursday, so instead of his normal rotation, Dean oversaw the work on the boat and attacked some of the backlog of paperwork on his desk. He ate his lunch in his office so he could work and eat at the same time. It was an overcast day and he felt rain in the air.

  
With the captain up in Seattle for a meeting with all the station commanders for the Pacific Northwest, Dean was running the show. He delegated most of the assignments to Rufus and Chuck. By mid-afternoon the rain began. Dean looked out at the harbor. There was a light chop and he wondered how Cas was fairing out in open seas.

  
There was a part of him that wanted to raise him on the radio, but that would be utilizing Coast Guard property for personal reasons. That he was even thinking about it caused him to pause. Dean was raised in a fishing family. While his mother always worried about John when he was at sea, she didn’t obsess to the point she wanted to call him on the radio if the weather turned bad. He was being stupid.

  
_That last summer when Dean and Cas both worked on the family fishing boats, Dean talked his father into letting Cas work on the Mary Kate for a couple of days. Since his dad knew Cas was Dean’s best friend, he didn’t have a problem with it. They worked side by side, manning the nets and hauling in the day’s catch. Dean would look up and see Cas grinning at him and his heart would melt._

  
_While Dean would talk about movies and music, Cas would be spouting facts about theology, weather patterns and history. Dean loved that his boyfriend was so smart. He really loved that Cas never made him feel stupid._

  
_That day squalls rocked the boat and rain drenched them. It didn’t stop Dean from smiling at his boyfriend. Ellen’s husband had come up to him that afternoon on the deck and cuffed him behind the head. He hissed in Dean’s ear. “Don’t you let your daddy see you making eyes at that boy.” Dean nodded and reined in his feelings. Bill Harvelle shouldn’t have died on the Mary Kate. He had been a good man._

  
Dean’s daydreaming was interrupted by the ringing of his phone and he got back to the business at hand.

  
That night after Kali went to bed, he called Cas and they talked until almost midnight. They talked like old friends instead of old lovers and for some reason that made Dean happy.

  
**Friday**

  
Dean took the helm of the MLB and she skimmed over the light chop. It was another cloudy day and the light rain was cold. They did several inspections and Dean wrote a few violations, mostly for lack of safety equipment. He was wet, cold and hungry by the time they pulled into port.

  
He raced home to shower. When he walked in and saw Missouri packing up her stuff, he remembered he hadn’t asked her to babysit. “I know it’s short notice…”

  
“I can’t tonight. Your mother and I are going to Eugene to see that new Magic Mike movie.”

  
“How did you even know I needed you to babysit?” Dean asked, not wanting to dwell on the fact that his mother was going to go to a movie about male strippers.

  
She gave him the ‘boy, you are so dense’ look.

  
“Alright, fine…not a problem. I’ll call Jess.” With both Missouri and his mother out of the picture, that left his list of babysitters very short.

  
While he pulled jeans and a shirt out of his closet, he called his sister-in-law. “Hello, Beautiful.”

  
“Hi, Dean. What do you want?”

  
“Can’t a guy just call and say hello to his favorite sister-in-law?”

  
“I’m your only sister-in-law. Spill it. What do you want?”

  
“I need you to watch Kali for me tonight.”

  
“Sorry, the twins have the stomach flu and Sam isn’t feeling too well himself. You know I would, but I don’t want her to get sick too.”

  
Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t have anyone else to call. “Yeah, thanks anyway, Jess.”

  
Kali was clamoring for his attention. “I can’t pick you up now, Cupcake. Daddy’s still wet.” He turned cartoons on the TV in his room and sat her in the middle of his bed with a few stuffed animals. He left the door of the bathroom open a crack and took a quick shower.

  
Once he was done, he lay on the bed with Kali and made the call he dreaded.

  
“Hello, Dean.”

  
“Hey, Cas. Look, I can’t find a sitter for Kali, so I’m going to have to bail on dinner.” Dean crossed his fingers… _please say it’s okay and I can bring her along_ …

  
“I could always pack up the groceries and come to your house to cook, Dean. I’d have you bring her here, but the houseboat isn’t really set up for a child.”

  
Dean held up his hand to his daughter and Kali grinned. She gave him a high five. She didn’t understand what it meant, but Dean had taught it to her anyway. “That’ll be great, Cas. See you in a few.”

  
“Cas is coming to see us, Kali-Girl.”

  
“Cas,” she repeated with a toothy grin. Dean pushed her backwards on the bed and tickled her.

  
Thirty minutes later, Cas rang the doorbell. Kali squealed when she saw him. He had his arms full of groceries so he couldn’t pick her up and she pouted. Dean helped him take the stuff out of the bags. “What are you going to make?”

  
“I was going to make a mango chicken curry with basmati rice and naan.” He looked at Kali and frowned. “Does she eat people food?”

  
Dean smirked. “No, Cas, she eats dog food. Duh! Of course, she eats people food. What else would she eat?”

  
“Baby food?”

  
Dean laughed. “She hasn’t eaten baby food in over a year.”

  
“Oh, well, I can make the curry mild.” He nodded like the decision was made and looked around Dean’s kitchen. Kali clung to his leg and after a moment, he picked her up. He began listing things he would need and Dean quickly sat all the pans and other things on the counter. Every time Cas went to put Kali down, her lips formed a tiny pout and Cas hugged her closer.

  
“You know you don’t have to hold her. She’ll whine a bit, but she’ll be fine.”

  
“I just can’t stand to see her sad face,” Cas said, trying to cut the chicken breasts up with one hand. Dean brushed him aside and soon, Dean was the one cooking while following Cas’ instructions. Cas jumped up so he was sitting on the counter and Kali sat in his lap, occasionally patting his scruffy face and giggling.

  
Kali loved Cas’ food and Dean was shocked that none of it landed on the floor. Some of the curry did wind up in her hair though. Once the meal was over, Dean excused himself to bathe Kali. He told Cas to find something on the TV, but as he lowered Kali into the warm water, he saw Cas standing in the doorway. He smiled. “Bath time is a full contact sport. Don’t get too close or you’ll get soaked.”

  
Kali waved at Cas and then splashed her hands in the water. Dean washed her and soothed her when the shampoo dripped in her eyes. Once he let the water out and wrapped her in a towel, he saw Cas’ face. “What?”

  
“I just never imagined…not in my wildest dreams…that you would be such a great father.”

  
Dean blushed under Cas’ praise. “Hey, I’m definitely not father of the year material. I’m just winging it.”

  
“Don’t sell yourself short, Dean. Had I been in your shoes, I would have failed miserably.”

  
“Nah, babies are pretty good about letting you know what they need. You’d do fine. Look, you’ve already made her fall in love with you.” Kali was waving her arms and trying to go to Cas.

  
Dean kissed her and laid her down on her bed. “Come on, Punkin. Let’s get your jammies on.”

  
“Hippo,” Kali yelled.

  
“No. Hippos are dirty. Tonight, it’s Batman.” Dean grabbed a pair of pull-ups out of the closet and the pajamas out of the drawer.

  
“Batman? She’s a girl, Dean.”

  
“I don’t believe in gender specific labels, Cas. If she wants to play with cars and GI Joes, I’m going to let her. GI Joe is a lot more macho than Ken anyway. How Barbie likes him is beyond me. I think Ken is gay.”

  
“Ken really doesn’t have a gender.”

  
“You looked at Ken naked? What a pervert.” Dean smirked.

  
“No, I’ve never looked at a Ken doll. I’ve just heard he is genderless.”

  
Dean finished snapping the pajama bottoms and sat Kali on the edge of her bed. He rummaged in her toy box and tossed a Ken to Cas. Cas looked at it distastefully. “Why are you giving me this? And why is he naked?”

  
“Kali likes her Barbies naked. Every time I dress them, she takes the stuff off. Who knows why?”

  
Cas examined Ken, eyebrows furrowed together in a tight frown. “I don’t understand why they made him without a penis.”

  
Dean chuckled. “Seriously? You want little girls to be looking at penises at two or three years old? Then they start asking questions and pretty soon, you’re explaining to your little girl where babies come from. Kali isn’t going to learn that stuff until she’s…eighteen or so.”

  
Cas tossed the doll back into the toy box. Dean knelt on the floor and held out his arms. “Come on, Princess. Come to Daddy.”

  
Kali shook her head and held out her arms. “Up.”

  
“Kali, be a big girl and get off your bed.”

  
“Up.”

  
Dean huffed and reached for her. “Why don’t you want to pick her up?” Cas asked.

  
“She needs to learn how to get off the bed. It’s only ten inches from the floor, but she’s just terrified for some reason.”

  
Cas gently pushed Dean aside. “Kali, get off the bed and come see me.”

  
The toddler looked at him and then at Dean. “Down.”

  
“Yes. Get down and come here.” He held out his hands. She hesitated and then looked down at the carpeted floor. Slowly, she rolled over on her tummy and scooped backwards until her feet touched the floor. Dean held his breath. This was the first time she’d gotten out of bed by herself since they moved to Winchester Bay. She turned around and gave Cas a shy smile.

  
“Down.”

  
“Good girl.” Cas said, grinning broadly. She ran to him and he scooped her up and twirled her around. Dean watched the two of them and his smile was softer. He was happier at that moment then he’d been since he returned to his home town. He reached over and patted her back.

  
“Good job, Princess.”

  
Dean settled her into bed after she’d brushed her teeth and went potty. He read _Where the Wild Things Are_ to her in his deep baritone, while Cas sat at the end of her bed listening. Her eyes drifted shut and Dean closed the book.

  
Downstairs, Dean asked Cas if he wanted to watch a movie and Cas shook his head. He went over to Dean’s CD collection and looked through them until he was satisfied with his selection. Dean wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Should he sit in his recliner…or the couch? Or should he continue to stand there like a moron?

  
The music started. He was embarrassed he had the CD. He saw it as sappy. Tim McGraw’s voice began to sing _My Best Friend_. Their song…if they had a song. Not that they ever said it was their song. Cas looked at Dean and held out his hand. Dean took it. They moved close together and swayed to the music. Dean’s hands rested on Cas’ hips and Cas’ hands were a bit higher on Dean’s waist.

  
They’d never danced together. Where would they have danced? It wasn’t like they could go to The Roadhouse or any of the street dances. The song ended, but they continued to shuffle slowly in a circle.

  
Dean felt Cas’ hands push under the hem of his t-shirt. He felt the pads of Cas’ thumbs on his skin. How could such a simple touch turn him on so much? The dance was supposed to be innocent…something a dating couple would do. He hadn’t expected Cas’ scent to drive him wild. He hadn’t expected the sway of their hips to be in sync…like they were making love. And he really didn’t expect Cas’ mouth to find his…hungry, wet and oh so hot. When he felt Cas’ fingers brush just to the right of his zipper…skimming over his erection, he inhaled sharply. “Cas…”

  
Cas hummed and ran his lips along Dean’s jaw. Dean unconsciously tilted his head back and let his eyes close. He felt Cas’ tongue tracing along the line of his neck. “Never stopped wanting you…” Cas whispered against Dean’s skin.

  
It was time for honesty. Time to be honest with himself if he wanted this thing with Cas to work. Dean opened his eyes and caught Cas’ face in his hands, forcing him to stop his assault. “I tried so hard to stop wanting you…to stop loving you…and maybe I believed it for awhile. But seeing you…when the Angel was going down…I started thinking of all the ‘what ifs’. What if I wouldn’t have ever left? What if I would have come home after Dad died? What if I would have asked you to come with me?”

  
“What ifs don’t matter anymore, Dean.”

  
The next song on the CD ended and Dean couldn’t have told you if it was fast or slow. A new one began, _Some Things Never Change_. The melody lulled Dean and his head came to rest on Cas’ shoulder.

  
“I should go,” Cas said softly against Dean’s ear.

  
“You could stay,” Dean’s words were equally soft. “Nothing needs to happen…”

  
“If I stay, something will happen.”

  
“Then you should probably go,” Dean gave him a half smile and pulled away. Cas looked at him for a long time. Dean returned his stare, unafraid that his eyes might show Cas everything he was feeling. Cas took Dean’s hand and led him to the stairs. Dean hesitated at the bottom. “Are you sure?”

  
“No.”

  
“Cas…”

  
“I’m not sure about anything anymore, Dean. I know I want you. I know I still…have feelings for you. I’m balanced on the edge, Dean.” Cas’ voice was a low rumble and it did things to Dean’s insides.

  
“Damned if you do, damned if you don’t?” Dean tried to lighten the mood with the old adage, but Cas didn’t smile.

  
“Something like that.” He gave Dean’s hand a gentle tug and together they went upstairs. Dean stopped to check on Kali first. “Will she be confused if I stay over?” Cas asked.

  
“Maybe if she was older, I’d be hesitant, but at two, I don’t think she’ll care one way or another.”

  
When they got to Dean’s room, he shut the door behind them. He reached for Cas and pulled him close again. He carefully unbuttoned his shirt and spread his hands over Cas’ bare chest. Cas shrugged and the garment fell to the floor. Dean rubbed his thumbs over Cas’ nipples and loved how they hardened at his touch. Cas was trembling. “Hey, you’re shaking. Is this too much?”

  
“Remember when we…our first time?”

  
“Yeah.” Dean dropped his hands to Cas’ waist.

  
“I’d only been with one person before you.”

  
“Yeah.”

  
“I’ve only been with one person since you.”

  
Dean’s eyes widened. “What? But…”

  
“Don’t make it into a big deal, Dean. I’m fine with it. I was the more experienced back then, now, you are.”

  
It was true. Dean had been with a few women and more than a few men while he was stationed in Key West…pre Anna. “Cas, I haven’t been with anyone else since before Kali was born.”

  
Cas swallowed and gave Dean a nervous smile. “Does that make us born again virgins?”

  
Dean laughed. “Maybe so.” The mood lightened and they kissed again. Cas made a soft sound as the kiss deepened. Dean could feel Cas’ muscle stretch and bunch beneath his palms. He was like a jungle cat, sleek and languid. All those years on a fishing boat had made him lean and tan, strong without being bulked up.

  
He felt Cas’ fingers on his back, just north of the waistband of his jeans. They moved down until they were tucked beneath the fabric, right at the swell of Dean’s ass. “You always did like my ass.”

  
“I liked everything about you.” Cas said before taking Dean’s bottom lip between his teeth. Dean moaned and thrust his hips forward. Cas gasped as Dean’s trapped cock rubbed against his crotch.

  
Dean stopped his exploration of Cas’ ribs and hips to pull his t-shirt off. It was tossed to the floor next to Cas’ shirt. Cas let out a sigh…contentment or surprise, Dean wasn’t sure which it was, but damn if it didn’t send a shiver down his spine. Cas’ lips were slick with their combined spit and swollen from Dean’s kisses. Dean thought he was the most beautiful man he’d ever seen.

  
Cas steered them towards Dean’s bed and they fell in a tangle of arms and denim clad legs. There was a bit of nervous laughter, but it was soon replaced with the sound of wet, sloppy kisses. Kisses born from hunger…finesse wasn’t needed. Neither cared if their lips fit perfectly or whose tongue was in whose mouth. It could have been hours or mere minutes, Dean didn’t care…he loved the feeling of Cas’ mouth under his…of Cas’ skin, hot under his hands.

  
The sound of their breathing was loud in the quiet of Dean’s room. He should have lit candles…should have soft music playing…Cas deserved stuff like that. His mind shut down completely when Cas’ deft fingers unsnapped his jeans. He felt the release of his zipper and a small whimper of relief left his mouth. When Cas’ long fingers reached inside of his boxers and touched his cock, he opened his mouth in a silent ‘o’.

  
Cas rolled up on his knees, his fingers never leaving Dean’s dick. He stared down at Dean and Dean knew he looked like he felt…completely and utterly wrecked. And they hadn’t even done anything but some awesome foreplay.

  
He finally released Dean so he could tug his jeans and boxers down. Dean lifted his ass to help it along and he heard the soft sound of them hitting the carpet. Cas’ eyes raked over his body and he felt exposed…shy… He knew his belly was a little soft and if he stood up, his cock would be snug and hard against his stomach like it used to be. He _was_ pushing forty…

  
“You are just as beautiful as you were the first time we made love.” Had Cas sensed his unease? Dean liked how much class Cas had. Dean would have said the first time they had sex…but not Cas.

  
Dean may be an officer…he may have gone to college…but Castiel Novak was smarter and had more class than Dean would ever have. Feelings of inadequacy came over him and he fought against it. He wasn’t that emotionally immature twenty-one year old anymore.

  
He hefted himself to his knees and faced Cas, his arms wrapping around Cas’ back and pulling him in for another scorching kiss. While his mouth fought Cas’ for dominance, his hands dropped lower. He cupped Cas’ ass. He wanted…no, he needed to see it, pale and muscular…spread for his dick. His fumbled with the snap of Cas’ jeans and growled in frustration when his hands wouldn’t cooperate. Cas pushed him aside and undid both the snap and the zipper. Dean eagerly pushed Cas’ pants down until he could touch the bare flesh of Cas’ sweet, tight ass. Cas’ cock brushed against Dean’s and both men looked down at the same time. Dean stared at Cas’ thick shaft, the head dark, the slit wet. He reached for it, touching the tip with the pad of his forefinger, taking the drops of arousal and bringing it to his mouth. Cas made a mewling sound in his throat and Dean looked up. “Still taste so fuckin’ good, Babe.”

  
Dean’s words incensed Cas and he almost ripped off his jeans and boxers. He was gloriously naked and Dean pushed him back on the bed just so he could look at him. Slowly, seductively, Dean moved his body over Cas’, his thighs against Cas’ hips…chest against chest… mouth against mouth. Dean could feel Cas’ cock under his sac and he wantonly rubbed up and down the length of it.

  
“Need you inside me, Dean,” Cas rasped out, voice husky with desire. Dean blindly reached for the drawer of his nightstand and felt around. He located the small bottle of lube he kept there. He smeared it on his fingers and tossed the bottle aside. He moved down Cas’ body until he was kneeling between Cas’ thighs. Cas parted his legs, knees bent to give Dean access to his tight, puckered hole. Dean wasted no time in preparing Cas. Cas was fucking himself down on Dean’s fingers. His soft grunts with every thrust of Dean’s fingers were driving Dean nuts. “Now, Dean…now. Please.”

  
Dean eased his fingers out and once again, fumbled in the drawer. Disappointment raged through him. He didn’t have any condoms. He threw the last box he had away when he was packing up his house in Key West. He rested his forehead against Cas’. “We can’t. I don’t have any condoms.”

  
“I thought Coasties were always prepared.”

  
“That’s boy scouts, dumbass.”

  
Cas chuckled and then he startled Dean by flipping him over on his back. “Plan B,” Cas said cheekily.

  
“We have a Plan B?”

  
“We do now.” In a few acrobatic moves, Cas was sixty-nining him. He licked a stripe down the length of Dean’s cock and Dean moaned, thrusting up, seeking more. “Use your fingers, Dean…fuck me…”

  
From his vantage point under Cas, Dean could watch his fingers moving in and out of Cas’ willing body. His hole was open and needy. Cas’ cock was in his mouth. Cas was being careful not to choke Dean and he was gently rolling his hips so Dean only got a few inches at a time. The heady scent of Cas’ sex filled Dean’s nostrils.

  
Dean’s fingers curved as they sought out Cas’ prostate. Cas cried out when Dean’s fingers brushed over it again and again. Cas was mouthing Dean’s balls, while his hand was working Dean’s cock. Dean could see Cas’ testicles tightening up and his hips moved erratically. He wanted Cas’ cum…getting him off in his mouth had always given Dean a sense of power…knowing he was giving Cas so much pleasure.

  
Cas tried to pull out of Dean’s mouth. He lifted his head and gasped, “Dean, coming…” Dean gripped the cheek of Cas’ ass with is left hand while his right continued to fuck into Cas. He held him still and closed his eyes as hot cum filled his mouth. He swallowed, but it was difficult with Cas cock still thick and hard in his mouth. He felt it running down the sides of his face as he milked Cas dry.

  
Once the aftershocks wore off and Cas could function again, he took Dean into his mouth and God, the man could suck like a fuckin’ Hoover. Dean thrust up, fucking into Cas face. Cas’ flaccid cock was above him and his fingers were still buried deep inside Cas’ hole, but all he could concentrate on was the exploding white light in his belly. “Cas…Cas…Cas,” Dean cried out as his orgasm rocked his core. He could feel Cas’ mouth sucking him down. All his muscles went lax and he drew his fingers from Cas’ body. Cas rolled to the side and both men tried to catch their breath.

  
Dean reached out his hand and laid it across Cas’ thigh. It made him feel grounded, just touching Cas, just having him there…close…his. Sleep claimed him before he could move his head to the pillow.


	12. High Tide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after...and life in a small town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's fluff in this one...a bit of humor...hopefully, all the angst is gone.

Sometime before midnight, Dean woke disoriented. His head was at the foot of the bed and his face was pressed against a warm…hairy…leg. Cas. He smiled and sat up. They’d fallen asleep with the light on. He got up and turned off the light before crawling back in bed. This time, his head was on the pillow next to Cas’.

  
**Saturday**

  
“Daddy.” Dean rolled over and groaned. Then he blinked. Kali was staring at him, her chin on the edge of the mattress by his face.

  
He grinned at her. “Morning, Princess. Look at you…out of bed all by yourself.”

  
She was looking past him and he turned. Cas’ dark head was nestled on the pillow. He was still sleeping. Dean put his finger to his lips. “Shhhh.” Kali mimicked his gesture. He was about to toss off the covers and get out of bed when he realized he didn’t have any clothes on. “Sweetie, can you go potty?”

  
“No.”

  
“Can you go find Puff? Where’s Puff?” Puff was Kali’s favorite stuffed animal. A large, green dragon Dean had bought her when she was just three months old.

  
“Puff.” Kali turned and ran from the room. Dean bounded out of bed and grabbed a pair of sleep pants. He just got them up around his waist when Kali raced back into the room. She skidded to a halt in front of Dean and shouted, “Puff!”

  
Dean heard a grunt from Cas. “Shhh. Cas is night-night.”

  
“Cas!” Okay, so his daughter didn’t have control of her inside voice yet. Another grunt…or was it a growl…came from the bed. Well, if they were going to be together, Cas needed to get used to having a child in the house. He scooped up Kali, made sure Cas was properly covered and tossed his daughter on the bed. She bounced and laughed with delight. Cas opened one eye and got out the word ‘what’ before Kali was sitting on his chest doing her best imitation of a Kentucky Derby jockey on race day.

  
Cas was about to speak again when he got Puff the dragon stuffed in his face. “Kiss Puff,” Kali commanded. Dean winced. Nothing like throwing Cas in the deep end of fatherhood and telling him to swim. To his surprise, Cas unfolded his arms outside of the covers and took the stuff animal. He looked at it carefully before puckering up and kissing the dragons gapping mouth. Kali giggled.

  
“Kali, let’s go get breakfast.” Dean decided it was time to save his…his boyfriend…his lover… Could he call Cas his boyfriend now? He better hold off on that until Cas gives him a sign he’s okay with it. Kali crawled across the bed and stood up so Dean could pick her up. “Breakfast in fifteen,” he called out to Cas as he left the room.

  
Dean hurried downstairs and froze when he got to the dining room. The dishes from dinner were still on the table. He glanced into the kitchen and groaned. It looked like a cyclone hit it. He kissed the top of his daughter’s head. “Looks like we are going to Grandmama’s shop for breakfast.”

  
“Grammama.”

  
“Come on, let’s get dressed and break the news to Cas.” Dean entered Kali’s room and pulled a dress from the closet. It was bright yellow and had a bumblebee on the bodice. He found her sandals in the back of the closet and in a few minutes, she was ready. “Play with your dollhouse until Daddy gets ready.” He pulled her dollhouse off the closet shelf and sat it on the floor. It was the one toy that kept her amused for hours. He kept it put away for special occasions.

  
Cas wasn’t in the bed and the bathroom door was closed. “Cas? You decent?”

  
“Is Kali with you?”

  
“No.”

  
“Then I’m decent.” Dean chuckled and opened the door. Cas was naked. Dean tried his best to avert his eyes. Kali wouldn’t play that long…he didn’t need to start having dirty thoughts of Cas’ smokin’ hot body under him…taking his cock… Fuck.

  
“We left the kitchen looking like a disaster area. I made a command decision and we are going to mom’s place for breakfast.”

  
“I don’t have a toothbrush.” Cas wasn’t looking at him, he was looking at the Coast Guard tattoo on Dean’s arm.

  
Dean opened a drawer and pulled out a new toothbrush and laid it on the counter. Cas traced the outline of the inked anchor. “When did you get this?”

  
“Right after I got out of basic. I got this one…” Dean pointed to his other bicep, “…right before I started officer training school.”

  
“I like them. It makes you look badass,” Cas said as he unwrapped the toothbrush.

  
“I’ve always looked badass.” Dean smeared toothpaste on his own brush.

  
“Dean, you were a total twink when we dated. Twinks are so not badass.”

  
“I was not a twink,” Dean pouted. Sure, he was slim…but a twink?

  
“A cute twink, but a twink none the less.” Cas began to brush his teeth. Dean stuffed the brush in his mouth, still pouting. Side by side, they brushed, spit, brushed again and rinsed. Cas dressed in the same thing he wore last night with the exception of a pair of boxer briefs from the laundry basket at the foot Dean’s bed.

  
Dean called for Kali and scooped her up when she came running down the hall. “Ready to go?”

  
“Grammama,” she said with a toothy grin.

  
Dean buckled Kali in her carseat while Cas studied how the straps went. Once they were inside the Jeep, Cas asked, “Are you going to get the Impala up and running?”

  
“I hope to soon. I’ve moved her to Bobby’s garage, but I really haven’t had a whole lot of time to see what needs to be done. Between work and Kali, it doesn’t give me much spare time.”

  
“I loved that car.”

  
“Yeah, me too,” Dean said pensively. He made a decision to make the time to work on her Sunday.

  
Since it was the only coffee shop in town and one of the few eating establishments, his mom’s place was packed. They found a small two-top table in the back and Dean grabbed the wooden highchair in the corner. His mother waved from behind the counter. Becky came out to take their order.

  
“Two coffees, a dozen assorted donuts and a milk,” Dean told the perky blonde.

  
“Coming right up, Dean. Hey, Cas.”

  
“Good morning, Becky,” Cas replied. Cas nodded and waved to a few of the people Dean didn’t know. He resisted the need to ask Cas who they were. Dean felt like an outsider sometimes. Fourteen years made a difference in the population of Winchester Bay. Fisherman came and went and they brought wives in from other towns. The men and women from the station brought in their families and spouses. He used to belong here, now he felt like the new kid in town.

  
Becky brought a plate of donuts and sat it in the middle of their table. “So, I heard you two were dating. I think that is so fabulous. You both look like models…it really isn’t fair to the women of Winchester Bay, but I’m really shipping this relationship.”

  
“Shipping?” Dean asked, brow cocked upwards in a look of mild confusion.

  
“I’ll explain it later, Dean,” Cas said quietly. To Becky, he smiled. “Thank you, Becky.”

  
Once she pranced away, Cas leaned across the table. “Shipping is a term that loosely means people like the idea of the two of us in a romantic relationship…a ship is the shortened version of relationship.”

  
“O….kay,” Dean drew out the word. “So, Becky likes that we are in a relationship?”

  
“Yes,” Cas replied, handing Kali a simple blueberry cake donut. He bit his own maple donut and sighed.

  
Dean saw the look of pleasure on Cas’ face. Combined with the noise that came out of his mouth, it made Dean’s cock stand up and pay attention.

  
“So…uhm…what are you doing the rest of the day?” Dean asked, trying to get his focus off of Cas’ mouth.

  
“I’m going out today. The crew is meeting me at the dock at eleven.”

  
“Oh…yeah, right, I forgot you usually fish on Saturdays.”

  
Cas tilted his head. “Did you want to do something together…today?”

  
“Well…I didn’t have any plans…” Dean let his sentence fade. It’s not like they are going steady…that sounded so high school-ish. Or were they? “Hey, Cas, I’m…like…not dating anyone but you…are we exclusive?”

  
He didn’t expect Cas to roar with laughter. Several people turned their heads in their direction. Dean frowned at him. He didn’t think the question was that funny.

  
Finally, Cas collected himself. “Dean, the gay dating pool in Winchester Bay is six. Six people, Dean, and two are lesbians. That leaves four. I’m not really worried about you dating anyone else unless you have a thing for eighteen year olds or bears.”

  
Dean felt his face redden. “No…uhm, not into them.”

  
“You could always come out on the boat with me,” Cas changed the subject off dating much to Dean’s delight.

  
“I can’t take Kali.” It was a simple fact. Dean had a child now. He couldn’t pick up and go whenever he wanted. Would that take its toll on their relationship? Cas was used to doing whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted.

  
Cas looked at Kali, happily eating her donut and waving at the people sitting around them. “No, we can’t risk anything happening to Little Miss Bumblebee.” Okay, Cas just talked baby talk. Or as close to it as he could with that deep, husky voice of his. Dean thought it was adorable. “Maybe we can do something tonight?” His voice was back to normal.

  
“Dinner and a movie?” Dean suggested. “I’ll cook this time.”

  
“That’s fine. I’ll give you a call when I dock. I usually shoot for five or so on Saturdays.”

  
They finished up their breakfast, waved goodbye to Mary and got back into the Jeep. Cas told Dean he couldn’t come in, so Dean leaned over and kissed him goodbye.

  
As soon as Cas’ SUV turned the corner, Dean got back in the driver’s seat. “We’ve got to go grocery shopping, Princess.”

  
He drove over to Lakeside to shop at the Safeway. There was no way he was buying condoms from the small store in town. Gossip would spread like wildfire that Dean Winchester was buying rubbers. He didn’t care about people knowing he was seeing Cas, but Dean didn’t want his mother…or worse, Father O’Brien to know the details of their relationship.

  
The Safeway was crowded. Dean plopped Kali down in the seat of the buggy and pushed the cart around the fresh produce aisle. He had no idea what to cook. He thought about a pork tenderloin, but that was his normal go to meal and he wanted to try something else. They’ve had seafood and chicken. Maybe a good steak. Steaks would be easy.

  
Once the groceries were in the cart, he made his way to the pharmacy area. He was reaching for a box of Trojans when a hand clasped on his shoulder. “Lieutenant Commander Winchester, fancy meeting you here.”

  
Dean dropped his hand to his side. “Garth…uhm…hi.”

  
“Hello there,” the seaman addressed Kali. “Do you like puppets?” Kali gave him a shy smile. “You do? Let me introduce you to Mr. Fizzles. Before Dean could say anything to the man, Garth pulled a sock puppet out of his jacket pocket. He proceeded to talk to Kali in a strange voice. Dean was in full panic mode. Not only was he standing in front of the large display of condoms, one of his subordinates was there and his impromptu puppet show was attracting a crowd.

  
“Fuck my life,” he said under his breath. Stealthily, he turned his back to the display and while everyone was watching Mr. Fizzles entertain Kali, Dean reached behind him and slipped a box into his pocket.

  
“Okay, well, Kali needs a nap…I have to get going…”

  
“Bye bye,” Garth said to Kali in the freaky voice. Then to Dean, he said, “Don’t forget your prophylactics.”

  
Dean squeaked, “What? Uhm, no…no need for those…” He turned the cart and fled the aisle.

  
He was waiting in line to check out when the store manager came up to him. “Excuse me, Sir, I hope you are planning on paying for the item you put in your pocket.”

  
Everyone in line turned to look at Dean like he was a hardened criminal. “Of course, I was. I just…” Dean slowly took the box of Trojan Ultra Ribbed and placed it on the conveyor belt. The elderly woman in front of him looked down at them and made a disgusted sound. Dean vowed he would never shop at the Safeway again.

  
The kitchen was finally clean and the late afternoon sun was sinking low on the horizon when Dean got a text from Cas saying he was docking the Angel II. He quickly poured charcoal in the grill and got the marinating steaks out of the fridge. Kali was in the living room watching cartoons and playing with her naked Barbies.

  
Fifteen minutes later, Cas was standing at his front door. He was holding a duffle bag. “I brought a change of clothes. Do you mind if I shower and get the smell of fish off?”

  
“Sure. You know where everything is.” Dean watched Cas walk away and noticed how his jeans were bleached out in all the right places. Yep, that ass was worth the embarrassing trip to Safeway.

  
By the time Cas came downstairs wearing another pair of sinfully tight jeans and a plain black tee, Dean had the potatoes in the microwave, the steaks on the grill and the salad tossed and ready for the table. He also had a small pot of peas and carrots on the stove warming for Kali.

  
When they sat down to eat, Dean cut up a few bites of steak for Kali and sat them on her plate. When Cas noticed what he was doing, he cut off a section of his potato and diced it. He placed them carefully on her plate and she went to grab it with her hands. “No, Bumblebee, it’s hot.” He got a bite on his fork and blew on it a few times before holding it out to her. She opened her mouth and took it from him. And Dean’s heart melted. Just like that…the whole love thing came crashing down on him. The fourteen years disappeared and the man he was in love with was sitting across from him at the table feeding his child.

  
After the dishes were done and Kali was bathed, the three sat on the couch and watched Finding Nemo. Dean thought Cas would get bored with the movie, but even after Kali fell asleep, he was captivated. Even after Dean picked up Kali and took her upstairs to bed, Cas wouldn’t leave the sofa until the movie was done. Dean tried everything without blatantly tossing the man over his shoulder and carrying him upstairs like a caveman. He let his fingers trace seductive circles on Cas’ neck. He scooted right up to his side and nuzzled his jaw. When he brought his palm up to cup Cas’ crotch, Cas actually hissed at him. “I’m trying to watch the movie, Dean.”

  
The closing credits began to roll and Cas looked over at Dean, who by this time had his arms crossed and was wearing a sullen expression. “Do you want me to spend the night?”

  
“Yeah,” Dean said, petulance still in his voice.

  
“Are you pouting?” Cas asked with a chuckle.

  
Dean glared at Cas. “You have no idea what I had to do today to buy condoms. I will pout if I want too.”

  
Now, Cas was seriously laughing at him. Dean leapt on Cas and they rolled to the floor, Cas landing on top of Dean. Their laughter was soon replaced by soft kisses. Dean felt his cock hardening. “Upstairs.”

  
By the time they got to Dean’s room, they’d left a trail of shoes and clothing up the staircase and down the hall. Their jeans were undone and hanging off their hips. Dean dropped down to his knees and pulled off Cas’ pants and boxers with one swift motion. He gazed at Cas’ hard cock inches from his mouth. He took Cas’ thick shaft into his mouth and Cas grasped hunks of his hair. “Fuck, Dean.”

  
Dean’s hand cupped Cas’ ass and held tight while his mouth worked up and down his beautiful cock. He looked up through his eyelashes at Cas and the look on his face was pure unadulterated bliss. He dropped a kiss on the tip and stood up. He shoved his jeans and underwear to the floor and kicked them off. Cas pulled him into his arms, one of his hands cupping the back of Dean’s neck and one gripping his waist so hard, Dean knew he’d bruise. He didn’t care. He was Cas’ and if Cas wanted to mark him as his own, let him. He kissed Dean’s jaw and dragged his lips up to Dean’s ear. “Don’t make me beg for it, Dean.”

  
The sound from Dean’s mouth was feral, a low growl that started deep in his chest. He put his hands on either side of Cas’ face and took his mouth, hard and wet. At Cas’ whimper, Dean took his lower lip and dragged his teeth over it. When he pulled back, his words were raspy with need. “You will never have to beg…” Dean pulled Cas to the bed and all but shoved him to the mattress. Dean stood over him and stroked his cock. Cas’ eyes were fastened on it and Dean’s plans for their first time to slow and easy went out the window. This was going to be fast and dirty.

  
He opened the drawer and pulled out the lube before he picked up the box of condoms off the dresser where he’d left them this afternoon. The box only contained three. Dean figured that was enough for the night. He may need to start having them shipped to his house by Amazon.

  
Cas’ cock was laying heavy on his belly, his arousal making the dark hairs traveling from his navel to his bush wet. Dean knelt over him and licked it up. When he was done, he moved up to lap at Cas’ nipples. Cas rolled him over on his back and latched onto one of Dean’s nipples and used his teeth to nip at the tight bud. Dean arched his back and cried out, “Yes.”

  
Cas still remembered what got Dean worked up. Cas took Dean’s cock in a loose fist and pumped up and down, catching the drops of precum on his thumb and rubbing around the head of Dean’s cock with every upstroke. With his other hand, he cupped Dean’s balls and rolled them with his fingers. He put just enough pressure that Dean gasped as he rode the thin line between pain and pleasure. The pressure on his balls combined with the feeling of Cas’ teeth on his nipple was making him buck his hips uncontrollably. “Stop…please…don’t want to come…like this…”

  
“Shhhh,” Cas whispered and blew a puff of air over Dean’s sore nipple. The pressure on his balls eased. “How do you want me, Dean?”

  
“Huh?” Dean was trying hard to grasp what Cas was saying but his body was right on the brink of exploding.

  
“I’m assuming you want to fuck me…knees, back, how do you want me?”

  
“Back. I need to see you, Cas.” And that reminded Dean of his plan. He rolled Cas off of him and put a finger to Cas’ lips. “Don’t move.”

  
Dean stood up and found the lighter he’d put on the dresser for his purpose. He quickly lit the dozen or so candles he found around the house. They were now on every flat surface. When he was done, he touched the button on his Iphone and soft music started. It took him an hour to make the playlist that afternoon. When he turned back to the bed, he knew his efforts were worth it. Cas was on his back, propped up on his elbows, a look of wonderment on his face. “When we’re old and gray, you can never say I wasn’t a romantic bastard.”

  
He didn’t expect a tear to run down Cas’ face. “Hey…Cas…what’s wrong?” Concern made his baritone rougher sounding.

  
Cas shook his head and Dean crawled up the bed to pull the man into his arms. “Sorry…happy tears…God, I sound like a girl….”

  
Dean chuckled. “Yeah, you do. But that’s okay.” Soft music played and they continued to just hold each other. Dean watched the flickering of the candles as his fingers combed through Cas’ hair. Cas hand was flat on Dean’s belly, just below his navel. Dean placed a light kiss at Cas’ temple. “I want to make love to you, Cas.”

  
Cas tilted his head up so his lips met Dean’s. Their cocks had softened but weren’t completely flaccid and Dean felt Cas’ fingertips stroking the underside of his shaft. “Feels good, Cas.” Dean shifted so he was over Cas’ body and looking down into his eyes. Slowly, excruciatingly slow, Dean’s mouth lowered to Cas’. It was merely a brush…the softest of touches. Dean could feel Cas cock lined up with his. Cas spread his thighs and lifted them up to wrap around Dean’s waist. Dean smiled and let his hips roll, the velvety slide of his cock against Cas’ felt so damn good. Dean angled his head and brought his lips down again. This time, he used his tongue to open Cas’ pliant mouth. His tongue tasted Cas, felt along his palate, drifted over his teeth…slow, languid, loving.

  
He pulled away reluctantly and let his mouth moved down to the scruff along the line of Cas’ jaw. He enjoyed the roughness of the whiskers against his lips. Dean continued his tour of Cas’ body by licking and sucking on Cas’ nipples before brushing delicate kisses down Cas’ sternum to his navel. Cas’ legs released their grip on Dean’s waist and dropped to the mattress. Dean dipped his tongue inside the small indention and swirled it around.

  
“Dean…tickles…stop…” Cas hand made a half-assed effort to push Dean away.

  
Dean ignored Cas’ hard cock and kissed each hip bone. He flattened his palms against Cas’ thighs and pushed them apart. He looked up into Cas’ eyes. “Give me a pillow, Cas.”

  
Cas reached over and grabbed the corner of a pillow and pushed it in Dean’s direction. “Lift your hips, Babe.” Cas complied and Dean pushed it under Cas’ hips. In the candlelight, he could barely make out Cas’ puckered hole. He inhaled the scent of Cas…the musky, soapy aroma that was all man…all Cas. In all their explorations as younger men, rimming was something they never tried. With as much oral sex as they’d enjoyed, one would think one of them would have wanted to explore that sexual act. Dean had a few men do it for him, but he’d never wanted to until now.

  
The tip of his tongue pressed against the skin under Cas’ balls and he felt Cas shiver. When he finally lapped at Cas’ tight entrance, Cas gasped. Dean’s mind left the business at hand to wonder if Will did this for Cas. Dean pushed the image from his mind…Will was Cas’ past. He didn’t deserve a place in their bedroom. He closed his eyes and used his other senses.

  
Cas tasted slightly bitter, but not nearly as bad as Dean would think. There was also the taste of Dean’s brand of soap. His scent was heady and Dean thought he could get drunk off of it. The sounds Cas was making were pornographic and each new whimper or whine went straight to Dean’s aching cock. And touch…Cas’ thighs were trembling under Dean’s hands. Knowing he was the cause of Cas losing all control was better than any feeling he’d ever had. It had never been like this with anyone else.

  
“Dean…” Cas keened, “…please…”

  
Dean didn’t know what Cas was begging for, but he pushed his tongue in further. Cas finally clawed at Dean’s hands and pulled him up. The kiss was almost frantic. The heat of Cas’ skin pressing into Dean’s was unbelievable. He wanted to touch him everywhere…and he would before the night was over.

  
“You’re so beautiful, Cas. God, I can’t get enough of you.” Dean’s breath caught in his throat when he looked into Cas’ eyes. There was no doubt in Dean’s mind how Cas felt about him. “Cas…I…I…” God, why couldn’t he say the damn words…he said them so many times to the younger Cas.

  
Cas put his finger over Dean’s lips, hushing him. “No promises.”

  
Dean closed his eyes and he knew…he knew that he’d never stopped loving Cas. Cas was giving himself to Dean without any thought to his own future. Dean couldn’t let him fall on his own. He picked up the bottle of lube and placed it in Cas’ hand, physically closing Cas’ fist around it. “Get me ready, Cas. I need to feel you…inside of me.”

  
Cas’ eyes widened. “Dean, what…what are…”

  
“Do it, Cas.” Dean moved off Cas and rolled to his back. Cas sat up, lube still clinched tightly in his fist. He looked unsure. Dean took Cas’ other hand and placed it on his cock. “See what you do to me?” Dean groaned and fucked up into Cas’ palm. Cas leaned in and kissed him softly before moving to kneel between Dean’s legs. Dean spread his thighs. He’d fucked himself with his finger before. Once, he even used two, but Cas was a whole lot thicker than two fingers. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared.

  
He looked down his torso. He could see Cas’ cock…erect and painfully large. He swallowed. Minutes later, he had to admit Cas knew what he was doing. He had two fingers inside of Dean and Dean was rocking on them. Every time he brushed against Dean’s prostate, Dean mewled like a Goddamn kitten. He had no idea it could feel this good. “Can I…”

  
“Yeah…another,” Dean panted out. He felt beads of sweat on his brow. Cas used more lube and Dean felt the stretch and burn. He breathed through it and soon his body got into the rhythm again. Cas’ other hand was caressing his thighs, his balls, his hard cock…roaming over Dean’s heated skin, not staying in one spot long. Dean grunted when another finger was added.

  
Cas was patient. He worked Dean open…barely teasing his prostate. Just touching it enough to send jolts through Dean and then he’d back off. “I’m going to pull out now, Dean. It’s going to feel strange.”

  
It felt empty…and strange didn’t cover it. Dean licked his lips and watched Cas roll the condom down his shaft. Cas poured more lube into his hand and stroked his cock. He met Dean’s eyes. “Once the head is in, it will be easier. I’ll go slow and you tell me if you want to stop.”

  
Dean nodded and watched Cas line up his cock. Dean felt the pressure at his entrance. “Dean, when I start pushing in, you push back…okay?”

  
“Yeah,” Dean said breathlessly.

  
He did what Cas told him to do, but it was painful. He winced and his muscles tensed up. Cas paused. He was gentle and loving and Dean knew he finish this no matter how much it hurt. Cas waited until Dean gave him a slight nod. Another inch…then another. When Cas’ balls were against Dean’s ass and he was fully inside Dean, he didn’t move. He rubbed his hands over Dean’s thighs. Dean felt stretched to the limit, but as he breathed and relaxed under Cas’ calming touch, he began to move his hips.

  
“Okay…I’m okay. Do it, Cas.”

  
Cas pulled out just a few inches and pushed back in. Cas was making love to him and Dean felt cherished. The pain subsided and a warm pleasure took its place. Their movements got faster and faster. Soon Dean was begging Cas to fuck him harder…faster… Cas’ hands moved up from Dean’s thighs…over his stomach…fingers spreading over Dean’s chest. His fingers pinched at Dean’s nipples, pulling on them. “Come for me, Dean. Come on my cock.”

  
Dean’s hips bucked as each of Cas’ thrusts hit that one delicious spot…again and again. Dean reached for his cock and pulled on it. He worked it roughly. His nuts were tightening and the heat in his belly was burning Dean from the inside out.

“God…God…Cas…Love you…Love you….”

  
Cas’ rhythm faltered. His eyes were huge. “Dean.”

  
“Goddamn it, don’t you fuckin’ stop now.” Dean body was humming with need, every muscle on the edge. Cas slammed into him, skin slapping against skin. Nothing else mattered to Dean. Just Cas. Always Cas. Cas was driving into him, frenzied now. Thrusts erratic. Dean’s release made him scream Cas name. Cas tumbled over the edge with him.

  
Dean must have zoned out for a heartbeat or two. When he became aware of his surroundings again, Cas was pulling off the condom. He felt raw…ever nerve ending seemed to be on the surface of his skin. Cas sat on the edge of the bed, his back to Dean. Dean forced his legs to work and pressed up against Cas damp back. “I meant it. It wasn’t just the heat of the moment.”

  
Cas let his head fall back and Dean kissed his bared throat. “I love you, Cas.”

  
“I never stopped loving you, Dean.”

  
Dean wrapped his arms around Cas. “I know…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is it until Monday. Lightning took out my modem at home, so until the cable company can get to it, I'm down. Hopefully, this smutty goodness will keep y'all happy until then. 
> 
> Good luck to all the Gishers!!!


	13. Call of the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets bad news and good news. Cas is there for both.

**Sunday**

  
Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, Dean awoke. At first, he wasn’t sure what woke him. Then the whispery feel of fingers on his back let him know Cas was awake. He made a contented humming sound. “By my calculations, we have two more condoms to use,” Cas said, his voice husky with sleep.

  
“Yep. But you get to buy the next box.” Cas murmured his assent. Dean could feel Cas’ erection between the cleft of his ass. How had he become the little spoon? Cas worked him open. It didn’t take much since it had only been a few hours. Cas lifted Dean’s thigh and took him from behind. Dean could feel Cas’ teeth raking over his shoulders. Their bodies moved slowly against each other. They came with soft gasps and then Dean fell back into a deep slumber.

  
“Cas.” Kali’s high pitched voice woke Dean. He sat up. Kali was on Cas’ side of the bed instead of his. She was patting his face with her hand. Knowing Cas was kind of grumpy in the morning made Dean feel a little apprehensive. He was truly shocked when Cas took her hand and pretended to bite her fingers. He made the appropriate growling and noshing sounds and Kali was giggling.

  
He needed to get back into the habit of sleeping in pajama pants and if Cas was going to stay here, he’d have to wear some too. “Hey, Kiddo. Daddy’s going to get jealous.”

  
Cas turned to him. “Bumblebee is a child of exquisite taste. Don’t fault her for that.”

  
Dean’s answer was a swat with his pillow.

  
“Poop,” Kali said to Cas.

  
“Was she just commenting on my statement or does she have to…you know?”

  
“Poop,” Kali repeated, now with a hand on the seat of her pants.

  
“Kali, go to the potty. Daddy will be right there.” Kali turned and fled. Dean got up and snatched a pair of sweats from his dresser drawer. “Poop means poop. I think she is a little young to be calling you out on your bullshit. Give her a few years.”

  
Dean went down the hall and helped Kali with her morning constitution. When he came back to the bedroom, Cas was wearing a pair of Dean’s flannel sleep pants and they were riding very low on Cas’ hips. Dean was taken unawares by the feeling of possessiveness that hit him in the solar plexus. Cas was wearing his pants, waking in his bed and marked with a few love bites that he’d given him. Cas looked up and his smile faded at the expression on Dean’s face. “What is it?”

  
“I just never want to share you with…anyone else.”

  
Cas headed cocked sideways. A slow smile lit up his face. “Ditto.”

  
Cas made pancakes and even found some chocolate chips to create a smiley face for Kali. “Cas, she can’t have chocolate in the morning. She’ll be zinging off the walls.”

  
“Dark chocolate has less sugar than the donuts you let her have yesterday,” Cas said matter-of-factly, while expertly flipping a pancake in the air much to Kali’s amusement.

  
“What are your plans for the day?” Dean asked somewhat innocently.

  
“I’ve got to take care of a few things on the boat…grab supplies…check some of the rigging. What are you doing?”

  
“I was going to work on the Impala.”

  
“Good. I’m glad,” Cas said sincerely.

  
While they cleaned the kitchen, a thought struck Dean. “Cas, after I left. Did my father…say anything…to you?”

  
Cas took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He didn’t stop wiping off the stove and didn’t look at Dean. “He went out of his way to avoid me, but sometimes…he spread rumors…a few things happened…”

  
“Like what?” Dean had never thought about how John would have treated Cas and it made him angry that he could be so selfish. He got to leave the man behind, but Cas was stuck in a small town with him.

  
“Sugar in my gas tank, lines cut on a few of the boats, the word fag spray painted on my mother’s house…I could never prove it was John, but I knew.”

  
“Motherfucker!” Dean was furious.

  
“Dean, it’s history. Don’t worry about it.”

  
Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist and rested his chin on Cas’ shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I left without even thinking that he would take it out on you.”

  
“You couldn’t have stayed, Dean. Not with the way his was.” They stayed like that for awhile, Dean quietly holding Cas. Kali finally made a fuss because they weren’t paying attention to her and Cas swung her up into the air. “What are you going to do with Bumblebee while you work on the car?”

  
“Mom is going to watch her.”

  
At the door later, Dean kissed Cas goodbye and whispered, “Come by tonight?”

  
“Sure. I’ll be here around five.”

  
Dean got a lot done on the Impala. He was waiting on the cosmetic stuff until after he got the engine going. He tinkered on her for several hours and called the parts place in Eugene to order what he needed. He locked up the garage and stopped on Bobby’s porch to say hello. The older man let him in and offered him a beer. “How you been, Son?”

  
“Good. Real good. Cas and I are seeing each other again.”

  
“I heard that. You get everything hashed out with him?

  
“I think so. He says he forgives me, but I still feel like I need to prove to him how much I’ve changed from that stupid kid.”

  
“A word of advice from an old man? Never stop proving to him how much you love him. Words mean a lot, but actions are what make someone want to stay with you.”

  
When he picked up Kali from his mom’s, she asked about Cas too. “We’re good, Mom.”

  
“Kali sure says his name a lot,” she said, brushing the wispy fringe of hair off Kali’s forehead.

  
“I’m kind of jealous. She’s head over heels in love with him already.”

  
“And how do _you_ feel about him?” She lifted an eyebrow inquisitively.

  
“I think I’m head over heels too,” he said with a shrug.

  
Mary put a hand on his cheek. “I’m so happy for you, Sweetheart. You two were meant for each other. I knew it back then and I’m even more sure of it now.”

  
Dean heated the frozen pizza and chopped up an apple for Kali to eat with her dinner. Cas would be here soon and he was anxious to see him. He turned off the oven and was heading to the window when a loud boom shook the house. He threw open the front door and saw that Cas had just pulled up. Cas was looking towards the west. Dean could see black smoke against the late afternoon sky. “What the fuck was that?”

  
“No sure. Too big for a boat.” Cas and Dean stood side by side on the porch looking at the smoke getting higher and thicker.

  
Dean’s cell began to ring. He looked at the screen and groaned. “We are fixing to find out.”

  
“Lieutenant Commander Winchester.” Dean barked into the phone.

  
Cas watched him intently while he responded in short, terse words to the caller. When he hung up, he looked haggard. “Oil rig explosion. I’ve got to go. Could you get Kali to my mom? I’m not sure when I’ll be back in.”

  
Cas squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry about Kali, Dean. Go. And please be safe.”

  
Dean nodded and ran upstairs to grab his gear. He kissed Cas goodbye and then Kali, who was in Cas’ arms. “I love you both.”

  
“I love you, Dean.”

  
Dean was aboard the Chinook within ten minutes. The crew was scrambling around him. Soon the big cutter was making her way down the river to open sea. Dean and Rufus stood by the radio operator and listened to the chatter. Apparently, one of the oil rigs just southwest of the Umpqua River inlet had their blowout protector malfunction causing a huge explosion. As of the last report, six people were dead and many more injured. The Chinook would be the first boat on the scene, but helicopters were in the air with medical personnel. Dean had his crew set up the deck as a temporary medical triage area. Dean could see the outline of the oil rig coming up fast. He had the cutter going at full speed.

  
His crew worked through the night rescuing the men and women on the rig and then into the night recovering bodies. He caught sight of Angi at one point, standing on the deck, her air tanks at her feet. She looked shell shocked. Dean put a hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”

  
“Yes, Sir. Just wasn’t prepared…”

  
Dean nodded and gave her shoulder a squeeze before walking back to the bridge. They recovered all the bodies and the injured were on board. Dean watched as news helicopters flew taking pictures as the flames still burned on the rig.

  
**Monday**

  
Exhausted, both physically and mentally, Dean watched the sun rise. He gave the order for the Chinook to head back to port. When he got close enough, he sent a text to Cas saying he was okay. Then he sent one to his mother telling her to drop Kali off at the house, so Missouri could watch her.

  
His phone pinged as the Chinook drew into her berth. It was from his mother. It stated, ‘ _I don’t have Kali._ ’

  
What? Dean called Cas. “Hello, Dean.”

  
“Cas, where’s Kali?”

  
“She’s with me.” Then his voice sounded muffled. “Yes, Bumblebee, it’s daddy.”

  
“Cas, I told you to take her to Mom’s. You didn’t have to stay with her last night.”

  
“It’s okay, Dean. We had pizza and apples and then we watched Toy Story. I love Mr. Potatohead. I can’t believe I’ve missed all these wonderful movies. Now, me and Kali are heading over to Balthazar’s place to have breakfast.”

  
“Huh?” Wait. What? “Don’t you have to take the boat out?”

  
“No, due to the explosion, we are staying in port today out of respect. We are having breakfast and then I have the rest of the day off.”

  
“Unfortunately, I don’t. With Captain Crowley still out of town, I’m running the show and we’ve got a lot to take care of. Missouri should be at the house soon. Can you hold on until she gets there?”

  
“She just pulled up. Call me later.”

  
“Okay. Love you.”

  
“Love you too.”

  
Dean handled all the clean up and the paperwork. By the time three rolled around, he was punch drunk. It would be an early night for him. All he wanted was to eat a hot meal, take a shower and sleep.

  
When he got to the house, Missouri’s car wasn’t in the driveway. He was home early, so maybe she took Kali to see his mother. He called Mary.

  
“Dean, are you okay? I heard about all those poor men.”

  
“I’m fine. Just tired.”

  
“I’m sure you are, Sweetheart.”

  
“Yeah, well I just got home. Are Missouri and Kali there?”

  
There was a pause. “No. Kali and Castiel were here about an hour ago. He said something about taking her to the office and then picking up something for dinner.”

  
“Cas has had Kali all day? Sweet Jesus. He’ll never want to see me again. She’s probably turned him against children forever…”

  
His mother’s soft laughter filled his ear. “Dean, relax. Castiel and Kali were so sweet together. He was pushing her around town in her stroller. Several people have come in this afternoon and commented on how natural he looks with her.”

  
“Right…well, let me try to find him. Talk to you later, Mom.”

  
“Dean, bring your boyfriend to the house for dinner on Thursday.”

  
“Yes, ma’am.”

  
Dean stared out his front window. Cas had Kali all day long. He felt sorry for Cas. Kali could be a handful to the most seasoned person. Cas was unprepared for Hurricane Kali. He called Cas.

  
“Hello, Dean.”

  
“Cas, where are you? And why didn’t you leave Kali with Missouri?”

  
“Are you mad?”

  
“No…no, I’m not mad. I just…you didn’t have to do that, Cas. Kali isn’t your responsibility.”

  
Cas’ tone was several degrees cooler when he responded. “Do you not trust me with your daughter, Dean?”

  
“What? God, no. Cas, no, it’s not that…it’s just that she’s a handful and you’re…you’re new to the whole parenting thing.”

  
“Then it’s time I learned, isn’t it?” Dean was relieved to hear Cas’ voice was warmer now.

  
“Where are you? I’m home.”

  
“Kali and I are down at our office. Why don’t you stop by and then we can go to dinner.”

  
“I’m wiped out, Cas. I just want to grab a bite, shower and sleep.”

  
“I’m sorry, Dean. Of course, I wasn’t thinking. You’ve been up all night. We will be home in a few. I’ll stop and get dinner from The Roadhouse. Go ahead and take your shower.”

  
Dean headed upstairs. The water felt amazing as it cascaded down his back. He rolled his head under the spray, releasing the tension. He dried off and put on a pair of sleep pants bearing the logo of the Dallas Cowboys. He’d only planned to lie down for a second.

  
“Dean? Dean, you need to wake up and eat something.” Cas’ voice sounded like it was coming from far away. “Dean, wake up.”

  
He blinked. Cas sat on the edge of his bed, his hand was rubbing Dean’s back. “Time is it?”

  
“It’s after eight.”

  
Dean sat up. “Eight? Kali?”

  
“Shhhh. Don’t worry about anything. Kali’s been fed, bathed and is asleep. I read her a story.”

  
“Ah, Cas, you’ve done so much with her today. You didn’t need to do all that. You should have got me up.”

  
“Why? You were exhausted, Dean. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of Kali.”

  
“You’re going to spoil me,” Dean said, pulling Cas down for a kiss. He tried to deepen the kiss, but Cas pulled back.

  
“Later. Now, you need to get some food on your stomach.”

  
Dean followed Cas downstairs and saw a plate on the table. A beer sat beside the baked chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. There was steam coming off the food. “I microwaved it before I came upstairs.”

  
“Thanks, Cas.” Dean shoveled the food into his mouth as fast as he could. He was starving. He realized he hadn’t eaten since yesterday’s lunch. When he finished his beer, Cas brought him another one. Cas insisted on cleaning up the kitchen and sent Dean back upstairs.

  
Dean stripped off his sleep pants and took their last condom out of the nightstand.

  
**Tuesday**

  
His alarm blared startling him out of a dream about Ken and GI Joe fighting over Barbie. GI Joe was driving the Impala and Ken was wearing a pair of panties. Once the alarm was silenced, he looked over at Cas. He remembered last night. The condom was still next to his pillow.

  
Quietly, Dean showered and shaved. He dressed in his uniform, stopped by Cas’ side of the bed and shook him awake. “Cas, you need to get up. It’s seven.”

  
“Five minutes,” came the grumpy reply.

  
“No can do. I’ve got to leave.” Cas opened one eye. “Fine.”

  
Dean kissed him. “I’m going to go see Kali. Missouri should be here in about ten minutes.”

  
Cas made a shooing motion with his hand and Dean left the bedroom. Kali was still asleep and Dean decided to leave her. He gave her a soft kiss on her forehead and vowed that he’d spend the entire night with her.

  
The doorbell pealed and Dean opened it for the nanny. “Good morning, Dean.”

  
“Morning, Missouri. Kali is still in bed, but I’ve got to get to work a few minutes early.”

  
“You go ahead. Your man is the sweetest thing. He made me give him lessons on taking care of Kali and then he packed her stroller and the extra car seat. You should have seen those two together.” She gave Dean a thoughtful look. “I’m so happy for you, Dean. He’s perfect for you.”

  
Dean blushed. “Thanks…” He looked up to see Cas coming down the stairs. He was rocking the whole sex hair thing and his scruff was dark against his skin.

  
Missouri whispered, “It don’t hurt that he looks like sex on a stick. If I was younger and he was straighter, I’d spread him on a cracker and eat him up.”

  
Dean snorted. “Missouri!”

  
“Well, it’s the truth.”

  
Cas came over to them. He kissed Dean and smiled at Missouri. “Good morning, Missouri.”

  
“Good morning, Castiel.

  
Cas walked Dean to his Jeep and they kissed again. “I’m staying at my place tonight, Dean.”

  
Panic coursed through Dean’s veins. “What? Why?”

  
“You need to rest and spend time with Kali. She missed you yesterday.”

  
“But…” Cas put his finger to Dean’s lips.

  
“I have a few things to take care of, Dean. Just relax. I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

  
“I love you.”

  
Cas wrapped his hand around Dean’s neck and pulled him in for another kiss. “I love you, Dean.”

  
Dean was still up to his ass in alligators when the administrative assistant paged his office and told him Captain Crowley was on the line.

  
“Winchester.”

  
“I leave the station and you let an oil rig explode.”

  
“Sorry, Sir.” Dean heard the humor in his captain’s voice. “When are you coming home, Captain?”

  
“I’ll be in this afternoon. I want you to hear something from me before the rumors begin to fly. I’ve put you in as station commander.”

  
“Huh? Me? But, Captain, you’re the station commander.”

  
“For about another week. I’ve been offered another command nearer to my dearest bitch of a mother and I’ll regret it for the rest of my…her life, but I’ve got to do it.”

  
“A week?”

  
“Yes. I need you to plan your own change of command ceremony. Utilize the admin staff. We can have it at The Roadhouse or you can throw something together in the operations building. Hire caterers…whatever you need to do. I’d help you, but I’ll be doing my out-processing and getting my house packed.”

  
“Yes, Sir.” Dean hung up the phone. He was in shock. His own command. A smile formed. He whooped and ran out of his office. Angi was making sure the air tanks were all full for the next run and he scooped her up and twirled her around.

  
She sputtered and looked at him like he was crazy. “What the fuck’s…”

  
“You better show me some respect, Petty Officer Myers. As of Friday, I will be your new station commander.”

  
“No way!” She grinned and hugged him. Then she quickly stepped back. “Sorry, Sir, just got caught up in the moment.”

  
He grinned. “Don’t worry about it. Is Benny on the PS?” Dumb question, where else would the man be? Angi nodded and grinned. “The LE is getting ready to leave for a patrol. Why don’t you catch a ride?”

  
He gave her a high five and took off for the dock. Chuck was untying the boat. He looked up when he heard the sound of Dean’s running footsteps. “Chuck, I need you to take me to the mouth of the harbor.”

  
“Yes, Sir.”

  
Dean jumped on board and took his place next to the helm. Chuck started the engines and they sped off. Dean was bursting to share his good news with Chuck, but decided to wait and tell both of his friends at the same time.

  
Chuck rounded the bend and Dean’s eyes swept the harbor. He pointed. Chuck nodded and hit the throttle. Within minutes, the LE pulled alongside of the PS. Chuck looked at Dean questioningly. “To what do I owe this honor?

  
A grin split Dean’s face. “You are looking at your new station commander. I will expect obedience and bribes of beer and whiskey.”

  
“What?” Both men said at the same time. Dean explained what was going on and his friends teased him about being too high in rank to associate with them, but he knew they were happy for him. The other crew members congratulated him too.

  
On his way home that evening, Dean stopped at the store and looked over their measly stock of wine. No champagne. He swung into The Roadhouse. Ellen looked up from behind the bar and smiled. “Where’s your boyfriend and Kali?”

  
“Kali is with Missouri and Cas is still out. I need a favor.”

  
“What?”

  
“I need to buy a bottle of champagne.”

  
Ellen squealed. “You are popping the question. That’s great, Dean. When? Where? You need for it to be romantic.”

  
Dean must have looked as scared as he felt because Ellen stopped her excited rambling. “No…I’m not…I’ve just been promoted…”

  
“Oh.” She frowned. “Let me go get a bottle. You want the good stuff or the really good stuff?”

  
“What’s the difference?”

  
“Fifty bucks.”

  
“I’ll save the really good stuff until…” He stopped. He almost said until he proposed. He wasn’t sure where that came from. Dating…being together…living together…but marriage? Would Cas even say yes?

  
Ellen handed him the chilled bottle of champagne and he gave her his credit card. He drove home and greeted Missouri and Kali. After his nanny left, he scooped up his daughter and ran upstairs. “I know I promised I spend the entire night with you, but we need to have Cas with us to celebrate. Don’t we?”

  
“Cas.” Dean tossed her on his bed and she bounced with a loud laugh. He undressed down to his boxers. In his closet, he picked out a nice shirt. Once he was dressed, he put Kali in a pretty pink dress and her patent leather shoes. He wrestled a small ponytail on top of her head and took her back downstairs. The champagne was still on the front seat of the Jeep.

  
The Angel II’s slip was still empty, as were most of the rest of the fleet’s. He stood looking downriver. It was twilight, so the boats should be coming in soon. Dean started seeing some on the horizon. One by one, boats drifted into their berths and the refrigerator trucks were loaded. The Loki II pulled into the slot next to the Angel II’s. Gabe looked over at him and he noticed the bottle of champagne in Dean’s hand. “You got a ring to go with that bottle of bubbly?”

  
Why did everyone think he was proposing? “I’m not proposing.”

  
“So, my little brother is okay to sleep with, but not to marry?” Luc’s voice came up behind him. When had the She-Devil docked?

  
“He is good enough to marry, but that’s not what this is about?” Dean was shocked by Kali reaching out her arms to Luc.

  
“Hey, Miss Kali. When are you going to have breakfast with me again?” She chortled and buried her face in Dean’s shoulder.

  
“I thought Cas took her to have breakfast with Balthazar.”

  
“We were all there,” Luc said, his eyes shifted to watch The Rose pulling into her slot. He took the rope thrown by the deck hand and swiftly knotted it on the cleat.

  
Balthazar jumped down and looked at Dean. He raised an eyebrow. “You proposing?”

  
“Jesus…I’m not proposing to Cas. When I do, it sure as hell won’t be on a dock with his nosy assed brothers.”

  
Balthazar snorted and turned to oversee the unloading of his catch. The Angel II and Sheba were the last two Novak boats to dock. Cas grinned at Dean. “What are you doing here?” He called out from the pilothouse.

  
“I’ve got some good news,” Dean yelled up to him and held up the bottle.

  
Dean watched Cas jump down to the deck and then to the dock. He wrapped his arms around both Dean and Kali. “I could get used to you two meeting me at the dock.” Dean thought of the history of men coming home from the sea to have their loved ones standing by waiting for a kiss.

  
“So, what’s the news?”

  
Cas whooped and spun them around when Dean told him his news. “Does this mean a promotion in rank too?”

  
“No, but having my own command is freakin’ awesome.”

  
“What does your awesomeness want to do to celebrate?”

  
Dean winked. “I’m sure we’ll think of something.”

  
“Maybe you can drink champagne out of my belly button?”

  
Luc snatched Kali out of Dean’s arms. “Not in front of the baby. Jesus Christ.” He took the little girl to where the crews were loading the trucks.

  
“I just want to lick you all over.”

  
“Deal. Let me go home, shower and grab a few things.” Cas kissed Dean goodbye and Dean went to take his kid back from the Novak brothers who were gathered around her and making her laugh.


	14. Time and Tide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are running smoothly, until the past comes back to haunt them.

Dean got home and put the champagne in the fridge. He fed Kali and got her bathed. They played on the floor until he heard Cas’ SUV pulling up in front of the house. “Almost bedtime, Cupcake. Daddy needs some alone time with Cas.”

  
“Cas.” She clapped her hands.

  
“I feel the same way, Princess.”

  
When he opened the door, the first thing he noticed was the scent of after shave. Cas didn’t normally wear the stuff. It was earthy and Dean liked it. Cas’ shirt was a dark blue chambray button down. Cas cleared his throat. “You going to invite me in?”

  
Dean realized he’d been staring at Cas and blushed. “Sorry…you just look and smell awesome.”

  
“Thank you, Dean. Balthazar sprayed me with cologne before I left. He knows I don’t wear the stuff.” Cas made a face and shrugged. “Must be something in the air, because they’re all acting weird.”

  
Kali waddled towards them and held up her arms for Cas to pick her up. He obliged and sat her comfortably on his hip. “Something smells good.”

  
“Missouri left some beef stew.”

  
Cas took Kali in the living room and sat down on the floor with her. She automatically started handing him some wooden puzzle pieces. He pointed to her pajamas. “You’ve already fed her?”

  
“Fed, bathed and got her ready for bed. I figured she would want to tell you goodnight. Speaking of…” Dean held out his arms. “…Kali it’s night night time.”

  
Her lower lip began to tremble. “No, Daddy…Cas.” She wrapped her little arms around Cas’ neck like he was going to save her from a fate worse than death.

  
Cas struggled to stand with a two year old clinging to him like an octopus. “Want me to read you a story, Bumblebee?”

  
“Story…Cas…Daddy.” The two men went upstairs and sat down on Kali’s bed. Dean made sure she was tucked in and Cas read her the story about the _Cat in the Hat_ , complete with sound effects.

  
Once Dean was sure she was asleep, he led Cas back downstairs. He found two champagne glasses leftover from the set of crystal he and Anna got as a wedding present. Cas opened the bottle of champagne with a resounding pop and poured the sparkling wine into the two flutes. He handed Dean his before picking up his own. “Congratulations, Dean. You deserved this and so much more.”

  
“I’ve got everything I’ve ever dreamed of,” Dean said softly, his eyes fixed on Cas’. They downed the champagne and Cas poured them another glass. By the time the champagne was gone, they were both a little lightheaded. Cas was giggling at Dean, who was trying to take his boots off and having some difficulty doing it. When Cas poured the last few drops into his glass he made a sad face. “Oh no.”

  
“Whatsa matter?”

  
“We drank all the champagne…none left for my belly button.” Dean frowned and picked up his flute. There were a few drops left in the bottom.

  
“Quick. Get naked.”

  
Cas stripped off his clothes and stood there in the middle of the living room buck naked. Dean stepped forward and ran his hands down Cas’ chest and over his belly. “You’re perfect, Cas.” Cas’ cock was starting to harden and Dean looked down at it. He ran his fingertip up the underside of it from base to the slit, now beading with precum.

  
“I’m just me…not perfect.”

  
“Perfect for me,” Dean said, kneeling and pulling Cas down with him. Dean pushed Cas down until he was laying on his back. He took the flute and poured the few drops into Cas’ navel. Cas chuckled as the cold liquid overflowed and ran down his sides. Dean dipped his tongue in and lapped it up. Then he nuzzled Cas’ bush before licking the head of his cock. He pushed his tongue into the slit and tasted Cas. Mixed with the taste of the champagne, it was almost sweet.

  
Dean’s buzz disappeared as he concentrated on making love to Cas’ cock. He reached down to his own erection straining against the zipper of his jeans. Cas touched Dean’s chin, forcing him to look up. “Come here.”

  
Dean crawled up Cas’ body. “Cas…” Cas cut him off with a kiss. The kiss was explosive and Dean moaned into it. He couldn’t live without this…without Cas’ touch…without Cas’ mouth on his. Cas was reaching for Dean’s waist and with a flick of his wrist, he had them unsnapped and unzipped. Without taking his lips from Dean’s, Cas shoved Dean’s jeans down to mid-thigh, enough to free his cock and wrap his hand around it. Dean felt like he couldn’t catch his breath and he pumped into Cas’ fist. “Cas…need you…want you.”

  
“Fuck me, Dean,” Cas said before dragging Dean in for another kiss.

  
“Upstairs…”

  
Cas growled and sat up. “Fuck.” He stood and pulled Dean to his feet. Dean’s hands gripped Cas’ hips and pushed his cock against Cas’.

  
“Love your cock…so beautiful…” Dean murmured, nipping at Cas’ lower lip.

  
“Upstairs,” Cas said, letting his head roll back, exposing his neck to Dean’s teeth.

  
“Upstairs,” Dean repeated. He pulled his pants up so he could walk and let Cas go in front of him. Cas was halfway up the steps when Dean tackled him from behind. He spread Cas’ cheeks and ran his tongue over Cas’ pink hole. Cas moaned and shifted to find purchase on the wooden stairs. Soon, he was on his knees and Dean was fucking him with his tongue. The noises Cas was making would put a porn star to shame.

  
Dean’s knees couldn’t take the wood anymore, so he kissed each cheek and wiped his face with the back of his hand. Cas turned around to look at him. Dean’s smile was feral. “Hurry, Cas.”

  
Cas stood on trembling legs and stumbled up the few remaining stairs. Dean shut his door behind them and pulled his shirt over his head. He shoved his pants and boxers down.

  
When he looked up, Cas was staring at him, his hand stroking his cock. His eyes were almost black with lust. Dean finally got his pants off and pushed Cas down onto the bed.

  
The sex was almost savage. They bit and scratched each other, both fighting for dominance. Dean’s fingers were buried inside of Cas and Cas was fucking himself on them while he sucked and bit at Dean’s nipples hard enough to bruise. “Fuck me, Dean. Now.”

  
Dean groaned as he picked up the last condom. He quickly rolled it down. Cas was up on his knees, hands on the top of the headboard. Dean positioned himself behind him and pushed in. The sight of his cock disappearing into Cas’ waiting body almost made Dean come then and there. Cas was panting and trying to push back to take Dean deeper. Dean had to grip his hips and hold him still. “Easy, Babe…”

  
“Can’t…need you to fuck me…”

  
He eased in a little more, but Cas was not interested in his slow entry. He was bucking and Dean gave up trying to be gentle. He slammed his hips against Cas’ ass and Cas hissed, “Yessss.”

  
Dean pounded into him at a furious pace, both men dripping with sweat and grunting from the exertion. “Want to you to come on my cock, Cas.” Dean reached around and wrapped his hand around Cas’ fist. Together they stroked Cas to completion. He cried out as he emptied himself on the headboard. It felt like Dean’s cock was in a hot, wet vice. He slammed into Cas again and again, the heat in his belly driving him on. His hands were digging into Cas’ skin. “Cas…fuck…Cas…Cas.” Dean’s muscles seized as his orgasm washed over him, leaving him wrung out. He rested his forehead on the back of Cas’ neck. Cas was trembling and Dean rubbed both his arms. “You okay? Did I hurt you?”

  
Cas shook his head. “No, Dean,” his said softly. They stayed like that for a few more seconds, Cas’ arms holding the headboard supporting them. Dean was softening and he needed to pull out. Cas hissed and Dean winced when he saw how red and swollen Cas’ hole was. He dropped down to his hands and knees and ran his tongue over it, trying to soothe any pain Cas may be experiencing. Cas gasped, “Dean!”

  
“Shhhhh, let me take care of you, Babe.” Dean kissed and licked his way up Cas’ spine. “I love you, Cas.” It was hard to believe before Cas, Dean wasn’t into rimming at all, but he wanted to do it for Cas. It was a turn on for him.

  
“I love you, Dean.”

  
Dean eased away eventually and allowed Cas to lay down. Dean reached for his boxers and used it to wipe Cas’ cum from the headboard. Then he curled up next to Cas. He glanced at the clock and realized it was only nine o’clock. He chuckled.  
“What’s so funny?” Cas mumbled from his pillow.

  
“It’s only nine and we’re in bed. I feel like a fuckin’ old man.”

  
“You don’t fuck like one,” Cas said, patting Dean’s ass.

  
“I’m thirsty. Want anything from the kitchen?”

  
“Water.”

  
Dean kissed Cas and got out of bed. “Be right back.”

  
He was walking back towards the stairs when he heard the opening bars to CCR’s _Bad Moon Rising_. That was one of Cas’ favorite songs. He walked over to Cas’ jeans and saw the light from his cell’s screen in the dim light. He picked it up and he told himself he wasn’t being nosy…the screen said ‘Will’. Dean sneered at the phone like it was an extension of Cas’ ex.

  
It stopped ringing and Dean thought about tossing it back down by Cas’ clothes, but then it started to ring again. He ran up the stairs and threw it on the bed. “Will’s calling.”

  
Cas sat up and stared down at the phone. He looked up at Dean. “I don’t need to answer it.”

  
“You can if you want to. This is the second time he’s tried, sounds like he really wants to talk to you.” Dean knew he sounded sullen, but damn it, Cas was his.

  
“Dean, I never loved him.”

  
Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. He felt like a shit. He was acting like a shit. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  
Cas took the phone and put it on the nightstand. “Come to bed, Dean.”

  
He crawled under the covers and handed Cas a bottle of water. They drank in silence for a few moments. “I’m trying not to even think about him…”

  
“I can’t help you with that, Dean. No more than you can help me stop picturing you…married. We can let the past eat away at what we have or we can bury it.”

  
Dean nodded. “I don’t want anything coming between us, Cas.”

  
“Then don’t let it.”

  
Dean listened as Cas’ breathing became deep and even. He shouldn’t be jealous of Will. He wasn’t in the picture anymore.

  
**Wednesday**

  
When the alarm sounded the next morning, both men got up and showered. The soapy handjobs added a few minutes to Dean’s normal routine, but he didn’t care. They shaved side by side and Dean let himself imagine them five years from now…ten years from now. Cas ran downstairs to fix the coffee while Dean got Kali up and into the bathroom. Her pull-up was dry and he praised her with lots of loud kisses to her face.

  
Once they got downstairs, Cas handed Dean his coffee in his travel mug. He took a sip and grinned. It was just how he liked it. He put Kali in her highchair and Cas poured Apple Jacks onto her tray. Cas took his own travel mug and kissed Dean before dropping a soft kiss to Kali’s head. “See you tonight?”

  
“Yeah. I’ll figure out something for dinner.”

  
“Okay, bye, Dean. I love you.”

  
“Love you too. Be careful.” Dean watched Cas walk to the door. He opened it just as Missouri was coming up the walk.

  
“Good morning, Castiel. It’s a lovely morning, isn’t it?”

  
“It is. Have a good day with the little princess.”

  
Missouri shut the door. She looked up at Dean with a knowing smile. “What?”

  
“It’s just nice to see you two together. I can feel the love in this home.” She sat her knitting bag down and stooped down to say hello to Kali. Dean grabbed his brief case and hat.

  
“See you tonight.”

  
Dean’s morning was crazy. He arranged for caterers from Eugene, had his men take everything out of the operations building and get it cleaned. Tables and chairs were rented and would be delivered Friday morning. Invitations to several of the other stations down the coast were sent out via email. By lunch, he was tired and just wanted everything to be over.

  
Angi, Chuck and Garth met him at his Jeep at noon. The Roadhouse wasn’t too crowded and they got a table by the bar. Chuck was telling a dirty joke when all of a sudden he stopped mid-sentence. His eyes fixed on the door. Dean turned. A nice looking guy was standing at the entrance. He looked around and then made his way to the bar. Ellen gave him a smile like she knew him. “Who is that?” Dean asked around a bite of his cheeseburger.

  
Chuck looked almost green. “Chuck, what’s going on?” Dean put his burger down on his plate.

  
“It’s Will.”

  
Dean’s eyes flew to the bar. He was sitting on one of the bar stools talking to Ellen. Ellen caught Dean’s stare and she excused herself. She rounded the bar and was almost to Dean, but Dean had stood up. His fists were clinched at his side, his chair scraped across the wood floor loudly. Angi and Chuck stood too. “Dean, don’t cause a scene,” Ellen said softly. “Castiel doesn’t know he’s here. He told me he wanted to see how Castiel was doing for himself. He drove up this morning from Portland.”

  
“Tell him Cas is fine and that he needs to leave town,” Dean snarled, his voice low.

  
“Dean, sit down and finish eating,” Angi, ever the voice of reason, said quietly.

  
“Angi’s right, Dean. You need to eat your lunch and leave this alone,” Ellen said, her tone cool and no nonsense.

  
Dean ran his fingers through his close cropped hair. “Fuck, Ellen…I can’t let this guy waltz in here and…and…”

  
“And what, Sweetheart? Steal Castiel away from you? Don’t you have more faith in Castiel than that?”

  
Dean looked down at the floor and then back up at the man at the bar. Reluctantly, he sat back down. He didn’t eat another bite. He kept his eyes on Will. The man was the complete opposite of Dean in looks. He was blonde and short…maybe only five-six or so. His face was pale and unmarked by freckles. When they left to head back to the station, Will was still at the bar.

  
He couldn’t believe this was happening. This morning, it had been like Dean and Cas were really together. They already had a morning routine. Cas kissed Kali goodbye…like she was his already. He couldn’t let anyone destroy what he’d tried so hard to put back together.

  
Back at his office, he went from despair to anger and back again. He couldn’t just sit by and let Will get Cas alone. Dean’s intercom buzzed. “Lieutenant Commander, your brother is at the gate. Shall I let him in?”

  
“Yes. Thank you, Ensign.” What was Sam doing here at…he checked his watch…three o’clock. Dean got up and walked to the front of the building to meet his brother.

  
Sam’s car parked in the visitor’s slot and he got out. “Dean, I had to hear about your promotion from Mom. What the fuck, man?” Sam grabbed Dean in a bear hug and lifted him off the ground.

  
“Put me the fuck down, Asshole,” Dean growled, but there was no heat behind the words.

  
Dean led him back to his office and he told Sam all about the promotion. “I’m so proud of you, Dean. Is Castiel going to be your date to the fancy change of command party?”

  
“Fuck.” Dean forgot to mention it to Cas. Spouses and dates were to wear formal dresses or tuxedos, since the servicemen and women would be in their dinner dress whites. “I forgot to tell Cas he needed to get a tux.”

  
“Dumbass.”

  
“Bitch.”

  
“Jerk.” Sam smirked at him. “I actually had a reason to see you today.” He pulled a white envelope out of his breast pocket. “Remember the land Dad owned?”

  
“Sam, I don’t want to…”

  
“The taxes are due on it.”

  
Dean took a deep breath. “How much?”

  
“Only two hundred and three dollars.”

  
Dean opened his briefcase and pulled out his checkbook. “That’s all?”

  
“Dean, it’s not the money. We need to do something with the land.”

  
“I don’t care what you fuckin’ do with it, Sam. I want no part of anything that was his.”

  
Sam exhaled loudly. “Look, Dad bought that land out from under Castiel. He’d just bought the narrow strip of land where he docks his houseboat. He was saving up to buy the property next to it, but Dad found out about it from one of his cronies from the county courthouse.”

  
Dean was stunned. He knew his father was pissed at him and Cas, but that was low even for him. “Mom said he was going to open a hunting camp.” Now that he thought about it, it sounded stupid. His father hated hunting.

  
Sam snorted. “Right. He may have had her fooled, but he only bought it out of spite.”

  
Why hadn’t Cas mentioned it the other day when he was talking to Dean about the things his father had done to Cas?

  
Dean rested his forehead on his clasped hands. Sam sat silently letting him think. Eventually, he looked up. “How much have you paid in taxes on it since Dad died?”

  
“I’ll have to look it up…maybe a little over two grand.”

  
“Offer it up to Cas for what you’ve got in it. Nothing more. It should have been his.”

  
“I agree. I just needed your go ahead. I’ll draw up a deed.”

  
“Thanks, Sam.”

  
Dean rushed home from work and got Kali. He had a plan. When he got to the docks, the boats were just pulling in. He glanced around and didn’t see Will. “That’s good, Princess.”

  
They sat and waited and soon the docks were bustling with activity as the refrigerator trucks lined up for the day’s catch. The She-Devil was the first Novak boat to pull in. Luc saw him and called down. “This becoming a habit, Winchester? Waiting for my baby brother at the docks. People made begin to talk.”

  
Dean smiled. “Just waiting for my man to come home from the sea, Luc.”

  
The oldest of the Novaks roared with laughter and jumped down onto the docks. He stepped up to touch the tip of Kali’s nose with his fingertip. “Hello, Princess Kali.”

  
“Will is in town,” Dean said without preamble.

  
Luc froze. “What? Does Castiel know?”

  
“No. He got here this morning. Luc, I know…Cas told me he didn’t love him, but…”

  
Luc looked at Dean with compassion and Dean felt closer to the man than he’d ever felt. “Dean, he couldn’t love Will. It ended badly. You know the story.”

  
“Yeah, but…”

  
“No buts. Don’t let him being here fuck things up. You pull this possessive shit and go in with guns blazing, you’re going to piss Castiel off. Will knows where he stands with Castiel. My brother made it plain enough from his hospital bed. Just be by his side, but for God’s sake, don’t play the jealous boyfriend card. Lord knows why, but my brother loves you. Only you.”

  
Dean blinked a few times and then nodded. “Thanks, Luc.”

  
He heard the sound of engines and looked up. The Angel II and The Rose were tossing lines to the docks. Cas saw him and grinned. “I’m going to get used to this, Winchester,” he called down from the pilot house.

  
Dean hung out while the boats were offloaded and the tally sheets filled out. Dean was happy Will never showed up at the docks, but he knew his luck wouldn’t hold. Cas finished for the day and walked over to them. He kissed Dean and then Kali. “I need to go home and shower.”

  
“I’ll come with you.”

  
Cas’ brow furrowed. “There’s no need for that, Dean. I’m just going to shower and pack some clean clothes for tomorrow.”

  
“Cas, Will’s in town.”

  
“Damn.” Cas closed his eyes. “Have you seen him?”

  
“Yeah.”

  
Cas stared at Dean intently. “Dean…”

  
“Don’t worry. I didn’t say anything. I won’t say anything. He’s your past and I…I trust you to…take care of it.”

  
Cas’ smile was warm. “Thank you, Dean.” He clasped Dean’s hand. “Is that why you wanted to come with me, in case Will is there?”

  
“I said I trust you to handle it…and that’s the God’s honest truth, Cas, but I’m only human. I want him to see me by your side.”

  
Cas nodded. “Come on then. I guess I can’t put this off any longer.”

  
They decided to ride together and left Cas’ SUV at the docks so they wouldn’t have to change out the carseat. “Dean, you have to understand that I cared for Will. He helped me through a rough time.”

  
“Yeah, I got that.” It didn’t mean Dean had to like it.

  
“I’d hoped after things settled down after the accident…I’d hoped we could be friends. That’s all it will ever be, Dean. Can you accept a friendship between Will and I, if it comes to that?”

  
Dean glanced over at Cas. If he said no, he knew Cas would accept his answer and not pursue a friendship with his ex, but Cas might eventually harbor resentment. Dean nodded, his lips tight. He really had no choice.

  
Cas took his hand in his, interlacing their fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry your pretty little heads about Will.


	15. Captains Courageous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas face the past together. Dean looks ahead to his future.

Dean saw the unfamiliar vehicle parked by the dock. His hand in Cas’ felt clammy. “He’s here,” Cas whispered.

  
“Cas, you don’t have to see him. We can turn around and I’ll take care of it.”

  
“No. I’m okay.” Dean parked the Jeep next to Will’s red Miata. Dean smirked at it. The Impala would eat that little car for dinner. Will was leaning against the railing of the dock and he straightened when he saw Cas get out of the car. Dean opened the back door to get Kali out, but Cas beat him to it. He stood aside and let Cas unbuckle her. Cas was the one that picked her up and sat her on his hip. Dean walked at his side.

  
Will looked at Dean briefly and then turned his attention to Cas. “Castiel…you look good.”

  
“Thank you. Will, this is Dean and his daughter, Kali.”

  
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Will said stiffly and Dean felt a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. He hadn’t been Cas’ favorite person. Will probably heard a lot of bad shit. From Cas, as well as the rest of the Novak clan.

  
“I’m doing my best to make up for what you probably heard,” Dean replied. Kali began to get fussy. Dean knew she was picking up on the tension. Cas patted her back and made a cooing sound.

  
Will turned back to Cas. “I tried to call you last night and when you didn’t answer, I got worried,” he said quietly.

  
“I’m fine, Will. I’m sorry I didn’t answer. I was…busy.”

  
Will winced like he knew what Cas had been busy with. “I shouldn’t have come.”

  
He stepped off the dock and made a move to walk past them. “Will, please…” Cas started.

  
“Castiel, I love you enough to want you to be happy…even if it’s not with me.”

  
Cas’ eyes were bright with unshed tears and Dean wanted to take him in his arms. Instead, he touched Will’s arm. “I love him. And I will spend the rest of my life making up for the pain I caused him.”

  
Will nodded curtly. “You do that. You hurt him again and you won’t be able to find a place to hide from me.”

  
Dean’s mouth twitched. This guy was about six inches shorter than Dean and a writer, while Dean had combat training. Did he really think he could take Dean? But a part of Dean admired him.

  
“Will…” Cas began, but Dean shook his head.

  
“No, Cas. Will has the right.” Dean turned back to Will. “I won’t hurt him…and look, Cas…Cas cares about you. I hope you know that.”

  
Cas’ face was awestruck as he looked at Dean. Will raised his chin and straightened his shoulders. “I…thank you…Dean. I wish you both the best.” He began walking to his car.

  
Cas looked sad and it was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, but Dean took Kali and nodded towards Will. “Go tell him goodbye, Cas.” Cas’ smile told Dean he’d done the right thing and Cas ran after Will. He reached him just as the other man was opening his car door. Dean couldn’t hear what was being said and when Cas hugged Will, Dean knew he had never had anything to worry about.

  
“Cupcake, I’m going to marry that man.” He hugged his daughter tight and walked down the dock towards the houseboat. He stood on the front of the boat with Kali to watch the water. He wanted to give Cas his privacy.

  
He heard the Miata’s engine fade away, but he waited for Cas to come to him. He heard Cas’ footsteps on the deck of the boat and then Kali said, “Cas.”

  
Dean smiled when Cas’ arms wrapped around his waist. “I love you so Goddamn much, Dean Winchester.”

  
“I love you too, Cas.” Dean leaned back into Cas. “Things go okay with Will?”

  
“I hurt him deeply, Dean. He says he still loves me, but he said he wants us to be happy. I don’t think he’s ready to be friends yet, but maybe someday.”

  
Dean turned into Cas’ arms and kissed him. “Grab your stuff, I’m starving and I know Miss Priss here is.”

  
Kali toddled around the living room area while Cas packed some stuff. While he was waiting, Dean looked out at the woods surrounding Cas’ property. It would belong to Cas soon.

  
He wandered into Cas’ bedroom while Cas was in his bathroom. On Cas’ dresser was a wooden box. Dean opened it and saw Cas’ high school ring. He pocketed it.

  
Once they were in the Jeep heading back towards town, Dean dropped his bombshell. “Hey, Cas, you wouldn’t happen to own a tux, would you?”

  
Cas snorted. “Why, yes, I wear it on Fridays. The fish love it.”

  
“Sarcasm doesn’t become you, Asshat.”

  
“What would I need a tux for?”

  
“You are my date for the change of command ceremony on Friday. You need to wear a tux.”

  
“Fuck, Dean….”

  
“Fuck,” came a small voice from the backseat.

  
“Way to go, Babe,” Dean said in a stage whisper.

  
“Sorry…God, with your mouth, how do you keep her from cussing like a sailor?”

  
“If you ignore it, she forgets. The secret is not making a big deal about it.”

  
Then Cas remembered what he was angry about. “It’s Wednesday night, how in the hel…heck am I supposed to get a tux before Friday?”

  
“Well, I asked Mr. Google and he said there is a tux shop in Eugene. You’ll have to rent one and we’ll see about buying you one later.”

  
“Why would I need to buy a tux, Dean? It’s not like we have a lot of formal events in Winchester Bay.”

  
“You belong to the station commander now. There will be a lot of things you’ll have to attend with me. Not just here, but other stations’ events too. Change of Commands, Hail and Farewells, funerals, retirement ceremonies…weddings…yada, yada, yada.”

  
“I belong to you now?” Cas said with a lifted brow.

  
“You know what I mean, Cas. We’re together now and you’ll have to attend certain events with me.”

  
Dean explained all his duties as the new station commander and Cas listened intently, asking an occasional question here and there. Once home, they tossed some grilled cheese sandwiches together and made tomato soup from a can.

  
That night, their lovemaking was tender and slow. Dean remembered to put on sleep pants and tossed a pair to Cas. He made Cas be the little spoon.

  
**Thursday**

  
Cas was still grumbling about missing a day’s fishing to drive to Eugene for a tux. Dean gave him head in the shower to make up for it. Cas still had to go to the docks and get his crew ready for the day. They both left at the same time. Missouri stood at the door holding Kali while the little girl waved to both of them.

  
Dean and Captain Crowley met most of the day, going over change of duty paperwork. He asked the captain if he could leave at two to take care of some personal business and since everything else was under control, Crowley waved him away. He called Missouri and told her he’d be late. Then he called Cas.

  
“Hey, Babe. You get your tux?”

  
“Yes, it’s powder blue, I hope that’s okay.”

  
Visions of an eighties prom danced in Dean’s head. “Uhm…Cas…please say you’re joking.”

  
“I’m joking.”

  
“God, you’re a bastard sometimes.”

  
Cas just laughed.

  
“Where are you now?”

  
“I’m at the houseboat. I haven’t been here for a few days and I have a few science projects growing in the fridge. You heading home at the normal time?”

  
“Uhm, no. I’ve got to work a little late tonight…getting things ready for the thing tomorrow night…you know? I cancelled dinner plans with Mom. I told her we’d come by Sunday.”

  
“You want me to go relieve Missouri?”

  
“That’s alright, I already asked her to stay later.”

  
“You want me to come over tonight?” Cas sounded hesitant.

  
“Of course, why wouldn’t I?”

  
“No reason…just give me a call when you get ready to leave the station and I’ll meet you at the house.”

  
“Okay, love you.”

  
“I love you too, Dean.”

  
The trip to Eugene took Dean two hours. It took another twenty minutes to find the store he was looking for. He spent most of the ride back on his phone making arrangements. Three hours later, he was calling Cas. “I’m leaving the station.” The truth was, Dean was a mile outside of town. Dean got to the house before Cas. Missouri had fed Kali and she was in a pair of bright orange pajamas bearing a picture of a tiger on the front of it.

  
Missouri touched his arm as he walked her to the door. Her eyes widened. “When are you going to ask him?”

  
“Ask him what?”

  
“Boy, don’t play dumb with me.”

  
“If you’re so smart, tell me…is he going to say yes?” Dean was joking around…only he wasn’t. He’d had second thoughts on the long drive back to Winchester Bay. Had he proved himself to Cas? Did he need to wait a little longer? Marriage was a huge fuckin’ deal.

  
The older woman patted his cheek. “You already know the answer to that question.”

  
Dean tried to smile, but he knew it came out as more of a grimace. “Sure.”

  
“You’re scared.” Her voice held pity and it pissed Dean off.

  
“I’m not freakin’ scared.”

  
“You can’t lie to me, Boy. You’re scared and that’s okay. Marriage is a big step. You and Castiel were meant for each other. I’ve seen your home filled with light and warmth. Now, you better tell me when you’re going to ask him.”

  
“Tomorrow night.”

  
Cas pulled up as Missouri was driving away and she honked her horn. Cas honked back before getting out of his SUV. He ran up the sidewalk and kissed Dean. “You are so lucky I love you. Being fitted for a tux is demeaning. Some little old lady felt me up.”

  
“Do I need to go defend your honor? Challenge her to a duel?”

  
“Bite me.”

  
Dean snagged his arm and pulled him in for a hug. “Maybe later…after Kali goes to bed.”

  
Much later, after Kali was asleep and the nightly news played in the background, Dean lay on the couch with his head in Cas’ lap. Cas’ fingers were combing through Dean’s short hair. Dean had a question to ask…one that he really didn’t want to know the answer too. “Cas?”

  
“Hmmm?”

  
“What happened the night of your accident?” Cas’ fingers froze and Dean heard him inhale and blow the breath out slowly.

  
“I was stupid.”

  
Dean didn’t speak. He just waited.

  
“I heard someone say you got married…to a woman.” Dean squeezed his eyes shut because he could still hear pain in Cas’ voice. “I bought a bottle of tequila on the way home that night. Will had made dinner. He’d just finished his book and he wanted to celebrate.”

  
Dean reached out and took Cas’ hand. He brought it to his lips and kissed each knuckle.

  
“I started drinking…and Will…needless to say, he wasn’t pleased. He tried to get me to tell him what was wrong…I…I…don’t know how we wound up in bed…he was angry…I was…I felt like my heart was being shredded…”

  
Dean didn’t want to imagine Cas and Will together. “Go on,” he whispered.

  
“I called out your name…when I…” Dean cringed, not only for Cas’ shame, but Will’s obvious pain at Cas’ mistake.

  
“Will started packing…I should have tried to stop him…tried to fix things.” He gave a bitter laugh. “Like I could have fixed that… While he was getting his things together, I got dressed and took my keys. I needed to get away from him. I couldn’t stand to see the pain I’d caused. I was too drunk to stand, let alone drive. I barely made it a mile. I woke up in the hospital.”

  
Dean sat up and pulled Cas into his arms. “I’m so sorry, Cas.”

  
“He came to see me.” Cas gave Dean a wry smile. “He came in and said he’d forgiven me and wanted to stay and make our relationship work. He promised to take care of me and make me forget you.”

  
Dean continued to hold Cas, stroking his face, staring into his eyes. “I told him that I’d never love him and he needed to go back to Portland. I was cruel. I said some hurtful things.”

  
“Shhhh, we don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

  
“I wanted him to hate me. I thought he wouldn’t hurt so much if he hated me.”

  
Dean kissed Cas lightly…chastely.

  
“I apologized to him today.  I was a bastard and I had to make him believe it was nothing he'd done.”

  
“Water under the bridge, Cas. We make mistakes and we learn from them. I hurt you…and you will never know how grateful I am that you gave me another chance.”

  
Cas nodded. “I guess love is like that…you can forgive someone just about anything.”

  
Dean stood up and clasped Cas’ hand. He gave him a tug. “Come on, let’s go to bed. You need to get some sleep.”

  
They quietly undressed and brushed their teeth. Dean pulled out a pair of sweats to sleep in, but Cas took them and tossed them on the dresser. “You won’t need those for awhile.”

  
“Cas, we don’t have to…”

  
Cas slid his hand to the back of Dean’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Dean’s blood seemed to hum through his veins and his cock began to swell. “Cas…” Dean groaned, “…I didn’t pick up any….”

  
“A tux wasn’t the only thing I got in Eugene,” Cas murmured.

  
“Thank God,” Dean said, relieved.

  
Dean tugged Cas towards the bed and they crawled under the covers. He drew Cas into his arms and took his mouth in a searing kiss. Their hands explored each other in the darkened room. He felt Cas’ erection pressing against his thigh. Dean rolled them over so Cas as lying on top of him, his legs straddling Dean’s hips. Their kisses were wet and hot. Dean’s hand ventured to the nightstand and felt around until he found the lube. Not breaking the kiss, he reached his hand, now coated with the slick gel, behind Cas and parted his cheeks. He rubbed the lube around Cas hole before pushing one finger inside of his lover. Cas moaned into Dean’s mouth and rubbed his cock along Dean’s length.

  
Their breath was coming in small gasps now. Cas was sucking on Dean’s tongue, drawing it deeper into his mouth. Dean had three fingers in and Cas was rutting against him. “Easy, Babe…I want to be inside you when I come.”

  
“Then hurry,” Cas whispered.

  
“Condom?” Dean said huskily. Cas growled and leaned over to the side of the bed. Dean heard a rustling sound. Cas hurriedly rolled the condom onto Dean’s length.

  
He lifted his body up so Dean could guide his cock to Cas’ entrance. Cas let his body sink down, impaling himself on Dean’s hard shaft. He lifted up and sank down, over and over…riding Dean’s cock hard and fast. Dean’s eyes roamed over Cas. The man was beautiful. His head was thrown back and his back was arched as he fucked himself on Dean’s dick. His cock slapped Dean’s belly every time Cas sunk down onto him. “God, Cas…that’s it, Babe….fuck me…ride my cock.”

  
“Touch me, Dean….please.”

  
Dean wrapped his fingers around Cas’ cock and pulled on it, jerking it just as hard and just as fast as Cas was riding him. “Come for me, Cas. That’s it, Baby…come on…”

  
Cas shuddered and he grunted as hot semen painted Dean’s belly and chest. Dean thrust his hips up and into Cas. Before, he’d been content to let Cas control the pace, but he needed to come. His heels dug into the mattress and he pounded into Cas. Seconds…minutes…Dean lost all sense of time. His orgasm shook his body…

  
**Friday**

  
“Let me get this straight, Winchester…” Captain Crowley had his feet up on his desk, hands clasped over his stomach. “…you want to take a United States Coast Guard cutter out…at night…with a crew…to propose to your boyfriend?”

  
Dean looked down at his boots. “It was a dumb idea, Sir.” Dean saluted and turned to go, his tail between his legs. The captain probably doubted his decision to leave the station in Dean’s hands now.

  
“Winchester.” Dean froze in the doorway, not daring to turn around.

  
“Other than Novak, there will be no civilians on board. Do I make myself clear?”

  
Dean grinned. “Yes, Sir. No civilians on board. Got it, Sir.”

  
“And Winchester.”

  
“Yes, Sir?”

  
“He says no and you will owe the US government gas money.”

  
“Yes, Sir.” Dean went into this office and high fived Benny, Angi, Garth, Chuck and Kevin, who’d been listening from across the hall.

  
By the time Dean had made all the arrangements, he figured everyone in Winchester Bay knew what was going on but Cas.

  
Captain Crowley released everyone from duty at three since the ceremony would be starting at five sharp. Dean checked on the caterers before he left. Cas had taken the boat out for a half day and he told Dean he’d meet him at the house at four. Dean got home to a fussy baby. “She been like this all day?” Dean asked, rubbing her back.

  
“No, just since we got back from The Roadhouse. Your mother drafted my help with the decorations and Kali missed her nap.”

  
“Decorations? I told Mom and Ellen to keep it simple.” Dean paced, Kali’s head on his shoulder. “He can still say no…”

  
“You hush. That man loves you. He loves your child.” Missouri’s words didn’t calm the huge flock of butterflies in his stomach. “Now, give me back our baby girl, so I can get her over to your mother’s house. We’ll put her down for a late nap. We want her in good spirits for the party.”

  
Missouri left with Kali and Dean went upstairs to lay out his uniform. The white dress mess uniform was still sealed in the dry cleaner’s plastic. The last time he wore it was at his Hail and Farewell in Key West. He opened the teakwood box on his dresser and took out his medals. He carefully pinned them on the left side of his jacket. He attached the epaulets to the shoulders. He looked at it, flicking off a piece of imaginary lint. There was a small part of him that wished his father could see the man he’d become. His son, the fag, had done pretty damn good for himself.

  
“You going to stare at it or wear it?” Cas’ voice startled him. He spun around. “I knocked, but you must not have heard me.”

  
Dean took in Cas work clothes, jeans and a t-shirt. Cas really did something for a pair of faded jeans. The black tux was on a hanger slung over his shoulder. “I love you, Cas.”

  
“Hey…I love you too. What’s wrong?”

  
“Nothing. Just a little nervous about tonight I guess.” Let Cas assume it’s for the change of command ceremony and not the ring box in his pocket.

  
“I guess it’s not every day you get to put on a spiffy uniform and accept the key to a Coast Guard station.”

  
“I don’t get a key…well, I get a bunch of keys, but not a special gold key or anything.”

  
Cas chuckled. “Hurry up and get dressed. I want to see you in that virginal white uniform, so I can imagine what I’m going to do to you in it later.”

  
“You developing a uniform kink, Cas?”

  
“Maybe. You’ll just have to wait and see.” Cas hung up the tux behind the bathroom door and began to strip off his clothes. He gave Dean a come hither look and disappeared into the bathroom. Dean looked at the clock by his bed and groaned. He didn’t have time to play. He could take another shower though.

  
Dean stood at the mirror, adjusting his cummerbund and bowtie. Cas came up behind him, already in his tux. Cas’ blue eyes were smoldering. They did take a shower together and Cas got both of them worked up, but Dean was insistent that he couldn’t be late and left Cas hard in the cooling shower.

  
Cas kissed the back of Dean’s neck and whispered huskily, “I hope this thing is fast because I might not be able to resist taking off that uniform, Lieutenant Commander Winchester.”

  
Dean shot his cuffs and turned. He kissed Cas lightly on the lips. “You’ll just have to keep your hands to yourself tonight.”

  
They arrived early since Dean was overseeing everything. Dean formally introduced Cas to the captain.

  
“Novak, I’ve got a lot of respect for you and your brothers.”

  
“Thank you, Captain Crowley. I wish you well at your next assignment.”

  
Leaving the two of them making small talk, Dean walked around checking in with the caterers and making sure the bar was stocked.

  
Once the ceremony itself kicked off. Captain Crowley stood at the podium. “Station’s Company, Attention!” All those in uniform stood at attention. Cas stood next to Dean, hands at his sides.

  
“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Please remain standing for the presentation of Colors and our National Anthem.” The Color Guard walked down the center aisle and mounted the Colors beside the podium. Dean saluted the flag, as did all the other servicemen and women.

  
Captain Crowley introduced some of the visiting brass and then the National Anthem began to play. When the final notes tapered off, the captain said, “Please remain standing for Chief Warrant Officer Matt Franklin, Chaplain of the Thirteenth Coast Guard District, who will now offer the invocation.”

  
The chaplain took the podium and said a prayer for the nation, the Coast Guard and the station. Then he prayed for Captain Crowley and Dean. When he took his position behind the captain, Crowley thanked him. “Honored guests, you may be seated.”

  
Cas sat, but Dean remained standing at parade rest. With a nod from the Captain, Dean marched to the podium. “Welcome to this evenings change of command ceremony for the United States Coast Guard Station Umpqua River. I am Captain Fergus Crowley.”

  
“The Change of Command Ceremony is a long standing Coast Guard tradition, and is the formal process by which a new Commanding Officer relieves the previous Commander of responsibility for a unit. The ceremony offers guests an opportunity to gain appreciation for the military character of the Coast Guard, as well as observe the authority and total responsibility of the Commanding Officer. Moreover, the position of Commanding Officer requires great trust and unwavering loyalty from the crew, and the Ceremony ensures that all hands recognize the transfer of command and render proper obedience to the new Commanding Officer.”

The men and women of the station marched down the aisle in straight lines and turned about face to stand at parade rest. Captain Crowley spoke again. “The Personnel Inspection by the present and future Commanding Officer is a traditional element of the Change of Command Ceremony. The process of relieving command is a complex and comprehensive one. The responsibility and accountability of all elements of the command includes assigned personnel. The honor of “Trooping the Line” carries with it the added dimension of assuring proper appearances and military bearing of the units personnel prior to the transfer of Command.”

Together, Dean and the captain stepped forward, facing their troops. “Prepare for inspection.”

As a unit, they snapped to attention. “Lieutenant Commander Winchester, will you accompany me on an inspection of the troops?”

Petty Officer Turner took a step forward. “Station personnel are ready for inspection, Sir.”

Dean and the captain strode down one side of the troops and then back up the other. Dean announced, “Parade rest,” and the troops settled into the more relaxed stance.

The admiral of the thirteenth district walked forward and faced Crowley. “It is my distinct honor to introduce the incumbent commanding officer, Captain Fergus Crowley, who will now offer his farewell remarks and read his orders.” The admiral handed the captain his official orders and the captain took the podium. While Crowley said his goodbyes and read his orders, Dean’s eyes found Cas’. Cas looked a bit shell shocked. Dean supposed to someone who wasn’t used to the all pomp and circumstance of a military ceremony, it could be overwhelming. Cas sure looked fine in that tux though and Dean could almost feel the weight of the ring in his pocket.

The admiral nodded and handed Dean his orders. He took them to the podium and read them aloud. When he was done, Dean faced the admiral. “Sir, I request permission to relieve Captain Crowley as commanding officer of the Coast Guard Station Umpqua River.”

“Very well, permission granted.”  
Dean turned to face Crowley and saluted him. “I relieve you, Sir.”

Crowley returned his salute. “Very well, I stand relieved.”

Dean turned back to the admiral. “Sir, I have properly relieved Captain Crowley, as the commanding officer of the Coast Guard Station Umpqua River.”

“Very well.” The admiral turned to address the room. “Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce your new commanding officer, Lieutenant Commander Dean Winchester.”

The rest of the ceremony was a blur to Dean, but soon enough he took his place next to Cas and the meal was served. Cas hadn’t spoken a word. Dean finally leaned over. “You’re beginning to look constipated, Cas. Snap out of it.”

Cas gave him a tentative smile. “I’ve just never…I couldn’t begin to imagine…Dean, I am so proud to be…” Cas stopped like he’d drawn a blank.

“I’m still me, Cas. You’ve seen me naked.”

Rufus, who was sitting across from him, coughed. “Unbecoming.” Cough. “an officer.” Cough, cough.

Dean grinned. “Well, he has.”

Rufus looked up at the ceiling. “Lord, give me strength.”

Dean made Cas drink a cocktail to settle his nerves. Cas got flustered every time another visiting member of the brass came to talk to Dean. Finally, Dean said screw protocol and took Cas’ hand under the table. He rubbed his thumb over Cas’ knuckles. “Easy, Babe, just imagine them all in their underwear. That’s what I do.”

Finally, it was over and Dean stood at the door saluting each military member and shaking hands with the civilians. When the last person walked by them, Cas sighed. “Is it over?”

“Yep.”

“Thank God. Let’s go home.”

“Well, there is one more step.”

Cas growled. “What now?”

“I…uhm…have to go aboard the Chinook and officially take command of her.” Okay, so he was making up shit as he went. He led Cas across the lawn and up the gangway. The crew, still in their white uniforms stood at attention when Dean boarded. Dean gave a small nod to Rufus and took Cas up to the bridge. Everyone was in their places. “Come on, I’ve got to go to my office for a second.”

Cas followed Dean down the ladder to below decks. He was to the door of his office when the engines thrummed to life. Cas looked around in confusion. “Did someone start the engines?”  
“Sounds like it. Maybe maintenance is doing some routine repairs or something.”

“At eight o’clock at night?” Cas looked doubtful. Dean felt the familiar shift as the cutter left her berth. He prayed Cas wouldn’t notice. He had to create a diversion. He pulled Cas into his office and laid a kiss on him. Cas squeaked, but quickly got into it. When they broke apart, Cas laughed softly. “Why, Lieutenant Commander, what would your men say?”

“That I’m the luckiest man alive,” Dean said seriously.

Cas’ smile faded. “Oh, Dean…”

“I am, you know? I love you so much, Cas.”

The ships bells interrupted Dean. He took Cas hand. “Come on.”

“Is it time for the ceremony?”

“Something like that,” Dean said noncommittally.

Dean walked out of the hatch first. The deck was deserted and strings of twinkling lights were all along the railings. “Dean? What’s going on?”

Dean didn’t answer. He just pulled Cas to the bow of the boat. She was cutting through the water and Dean could feel the light spray on his face. He took a deep breath, brought the ring out of his pocket and dropped to one knee. Cas stared down at him, pale in the dim light of the quarter moon. “Cas, I know it hasn’t been long since we…since I found you again. But…but you are the only man I could ever love. I want to spend the rest of my life proving to you how much I love you. Will you marry me?”

He saw the single tear glistening on Cas’ cheek. Cas nodded. “Is that…was that a yes?” Dean’s stomach churned. Cas nodded again. Dean stood up and pulled Cas’ face to him. There was a bit of desperation behind the kiss, but Dean didn’t care. Cas said yes…well, technically, he hadn’t said anything. Dean pulled back. “Cas?”

Cas held out his left hand. “I…I think…you are supposed to give me my…ring…now.” Dean grinned and slipped the simple band on Cas’ finger. It fit perfectly, thanks to his old high school ring. A cheer erupted and Cas and Dean looked back. The crew including Dean’s closest friends, all dressed in crisp, white uniforms, stood on the railing.

Dean called up to Rufus. “Petty Officer Turner, take us home.”

“Aye, Lieutenant Commander, taking her home.”

Cas and Dean stood at the rail as the boat turned around a harbor buoy and headed back to port. Cas was looking down at his hand. “I can’t believe you did all this. This was supposed to be your night, Dean.”

“It is my night. I have everything I’ve ever dreamed of…right here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't panic. It's not over. I made this chapter a little longer because my daughter just got home from the Middle East where she's been stationed with her K9 partner for the last six months. I will be spending the next three days just being with her. I will post again on Monday. Think happy thoughts.
> 
> I love you guys!


	16. Heart of the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are officially engaged...now what? Will Dean's doubts ruin what they have or will it be smooth sailing from here on out?

Dean drove Cas to The Roadhouse. The parking lot was full and music could be heard.

“Dean, as much as I love this place, I really want to go home and celebrate with you.”

“We are going to celebrate, Cas. There are a lot of people who wanted this for us and I couldn’t leave them out. We have the whole weekend to celebrate together.”

Cas didn’t look convinced, but Dean took his hand and led him into the bar. Dean was taken aback by the decorations and the number of guests. He’d put Ellen and his mom in charge of the small family party to celebrate their engagement. It looked like most of the town was here. Fishing families, merchants, the priest, the police and fire departments…Dean was overwhelmed. Cas was stunned.

Streamers and bouquets of flowers adorned the bar, the lights, and the tables. A few local musicians were on the small stage strumming guitars. There was a small buffet of hors de oeuvres and the beer and wine were flowing.

When they were noticed, all the noise stopped for a split second and then everyone cheered. Dean grinned and held up Cas’ hand pointing dramatically to the ring. Dean’s eyes were drawn to his mother. She was beaming and her eyes were damp. She came to them and hugged first Dean and then Cas. “I love you both so much.” There were tears on her cheeks and Dean wiped them away with his thumb.

“You were supposed to keep this simple, Mom,” Dean chastised gently.

“Leave her alone, Dean Winchester,” Ellen cut in “…Jess’s parents handled Sam’s wedding. It’s your mother’s turn to put yours together.”

“Does this make Dean the bride?” Cas asked innocently.

Dean shot daggers at him. “You shut up.”

To Mary, Cas smiled. “I’m honored that you did this for us, Mary…Mom.”

Mary grabbed Cas in a huge hug and her tears flowed freely. She couldn’t speak and Dean rolled his eyes. “Now you’ve done it.” Ellen cuffed him on the back of his head.

Suddenly, Dean and Cas were engulfed by the Novak brothers. There were hugs and a few slaps to the back. Sam and Jess joined the foray and the party officially started. The arrival of the men and women from the Coast Guard Station heralded the opening of champagne and many toasts to the happy couple.

Cas was the one to find Kali held securely in Jo’s arm. “Hey, Bumblebee.” She held out her arms to Cas and Jo released her to him.

“I guess she’s going to be yours now,” Jo said in a whisper.

After kissing Kali’s forehead, he looked down at Jo. “I guess so. Does it bother you?”

She met his eyes. “No, not really. I used to have the biggest crush on Dean and imagined I’d be the one giving him children one day. He never saw me that way though. It was always you. I know that now. I’m happy for you and Dean. Really.”

“Thank you, Jo. You know, Victor has always had a thing for you.”

“What?” Jo was blushing and stared across the room at the police chief.

“He would never say anything because of the age difference, but the feelings are there, Jo.”

She stood on her tiptoes and gave Cas a kiss on his cheek. “What did Dean do to deserve someone like you?”

Cas looked at Dean, who was in a conversation with some of his men and women. They cut a beautiful picture in their dress uniforms. Cas smiled. “He just loves me.”

“God, y’all are disgustingly happy. I want to barf,” she said with a snort. Cas laughed with her.

Kali got passed around by her soon-to-be uncles until she fell asleep on Dean’s shoulder as the clock struck eleven. “She’s had enough excitement for one night.”

“Take her home. You and Cas go home and plan for your future,” Mary said to her son. Her smile was indulgent.

Kali never woke as Dean got her into her pull-up and her pajamas. Cas turned on her nightlight and kissed her cheek.

“Cas, are you prepared for this?”

Cas looked genuinely confused. “Prepared for what?”

“Being her dad.” Cas frowned and then stepped into Dean’s personal space.

“I’ve fallen in love with her. I think I started thinking of her as mine when you had to leave her with me. I knew nothing about taking care of a child, but she was yours and I felt so protective of her. The first time she said my name…” Cas turned his head away from Dean’s green gaze.

“I know. The first time she said ‘daddy’, I couldn’t imagine my life without her. Now, when I see you with her…I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

In Dean’s bedroom, he lit the candles and turned to Cas. “Come here.”

Cas settled into his arms. “Have I told you how fucking hot you look in that uniform?”

“Once or twice,” Dean answered with a chuckle.

“Good, but you’d look even hotter out of it.”

They undressed each other slowly. Items of the formal clothing were cast aside until they stood naked and aroused. Candlelight flickered over their bronzed skin. Dean’s hands couldn’t settle on one spot of Cas’ skin. Cas mouth was hot on his neck, his hands gripping Dean’s waist. Their arousal leaked down their shafts and Dean began to stroke them. The friction and the hot slick precum caused him to moan. Cas was rolling his hips, obviously wanting more.

“Need you in me, Dean.”

“Want you so bad.” Cas tried to pull Dean to the bed, but Dean dug his heels in. “Stay here.”

Cas watched Dean get the supplies out of the nightstand. Then he guided Cas to the dresser. He placed Cas hands on the wooden surface and looked over Cas’ shoulders into the mirror. Cas was staring back at him. “I want to watch us…watch you…” Cas’ mouth opened slightly as he registered what Dean was saying. He nodded slightly.

Dean opened the lube and poured it liberally over his fingers. Eyes never leaving Cas’, he prepped his lover…his fiancé. As he picked up the foil wrapped condom, Cas’ hand covered his. “I’m safe…and I know you are.”

The condom lay untouched as Dean eased into Cas’ body. He watched Cas’ face as he filled him inch by glorious inch. The flames from the candle at the end of the dresser were reflected in Cas’ eyes, now dark with lust. When Dean’s hips rested against Cas’ ass, Dean paused to kiss and suck on the skin at the back of Cas’ neck. “So beautiful…”

Cas let his head fall back onto Dean’s shoulder and then Dean began to move. Cas’ legs were spread to allow Dean to get the perfect angle and Dean pounded into the other man over and over. “Watch us, Babe.” Cas lifted his head and met Dean’s eyes. Dean poured every ounce of love he felt for Cas into his gaze. Cas made a soft sound with each thrust. Dean loved how Cas’ face became blissful as he got closer to his own orgasm. Dean was pretty damn close himself. He sucked at the skin on Cas’ shoulder and drove into Cas again and again. The sound of skin slapping against skin was so erotic that Dean couldn’t stop with his steady stream of encouragement. “Baby…fuck…so tight…love you…want to come inside you…need you…feels so fuckin’ good…Cas…Cas…” He looked at his hand now covered by Cas’. The titanium ring sparkled with three small diamonds. “Mine…you’re mine.”

“Always.” It was more of a sigh than a word.

Dean reached around and cupped Cas’ sac. “Come with me, Cas.” Cas took his cock into his fist and stroked it hard and fast. Dean rolled his balls and fucked into Cas’ tight heat. “Now…Cas…Cas….” Dean cried out as he filled Cas. He felt lightheaded and leaned heavily on Cas. Cas was coming. His semen painted the surface of the dresser with streaks of thick cum. Their breathing was loud and erratic. Neither wanted to move…Dean didn’t even think he could move. “Love you.”

“I love you, Dean.” Dean smile was soft and Cas’ answering one was filled with satisfaction. “Always will.”

Dean felt his softening cock slip out of Cas and he reluctantly stepped back. He saw his cum at Cas’ fucked out hole, slowly leaking down Cas’ thighs. Cas was his now. Nothing or no one was ever going to keep them apart again.  
As they lay entwined in bed a short while later, Dean asked, “When do you want to get married?”

Cas mumbled something that Dean couldn’t understand. Dean bit down on the lobe of Cas’ ear and his fiancé growled. “Ow.”

“Were you going to sleep?”

“Yes.”

“No, we need to decide on a few things,” Dean said impatiently.

“Talk tomorrow…” Cas’ words drifted off and then Dean heard the tell tale sound of a yawn.

“Ass.” He pulled Cas to him and closed his eyes.

**Saturday**

Over a breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon, Dean got the answers he wanted. The wedding was set for the first weekend in September, five weeks away. It didn’t give his mother much time, but he and Cas agreed on a small ceremony. Dean had to ask if Father O’Brien was allowed by the Catholic church to perform their wedding, if not, Dean would ask the Chaplain Franklin.

After they’d cleaned the kitchen and dressed Kali, the talk of the wedding turned to the honeymoon. “I’ll be able to take a week’s leave and we can go anywhere you want.”

“Salmon season will be starting up, Dean. I don’t think I can take a whole week then. Why don’t we do a weekend and then we’ll plan a vacation over the Christmas holidays. Maybe someplace warm.”

“A weekend? What kind of honeymoon can we have in a freakin’ weekend, Babe?”

“Dean, it’s not like I’m taking my virginal bride somewhere to consummate our marriage. We’re all but co-habiting now.”

“I’m not the bride,” Dean said petulantly.

“And you’re damn sure not virginal,” Cas retorted. “We can go to Portland or Seattle…get the honeymoon suite at a fancy hotel and never leave our room.”

“Fine. But I get to plan the vacation this winter.”

“Yes, Sir…Lieutenant Commander Winchester…Sir.”

Dean felt a wave of lust. He looked at Kali and sighed.

“I’ve got to get a move on it,” Cas said, standing and taking his plate to the kitchen.

“What? Where are you going?”

“Out.” At Dean’s face, Cas sat back down. “Dean, I missed Thursday. I need to get out there today.”

Dean, well aware of the life of a fisherman…especially a boat owner, knew he was being overdramatic. “I know…I just thought that we’d spend our day together.” He took Cas’ left hand and ran his finger over the ring he’d put there.

“Dean, if I’d known you were going to propose, I would have taken the day, but I’ve got a crew waiting for me.”

“I know. It’s okay.” And it was. Dean had things to keep him occupied. After Cas left, Dean packed up Kali’s things and went to Bobby’s. He flipped on the garage and stared in awe. The Impala was gleaming. There was a note taped to the windshield.

**_Dean,_ **

**_With your new life starting, I just wanted to give you a little help. Consider it my early wedding gift._ **

**_Bobby_ **

Dean took the keys that he’d hung on a nail next to the workbench and got in the driver’s seat. He turned the ignition and she roared to life. Dean grinned. Kali was staring at him from her stroller. “Princess, your chariot awaits.”

Carseat installed, Dean pulled out of the garage and headed for the docks. He knocked once on the harbor master’s office door before letting himself in. Bobby looked up. The gruff older man frowned at the interruption. Once he realized who it was, his mouth softened. “There’s my fairy princess.”

“Grampa,” Kali said, holding out her arms. Bobby’s eyes flew to Dean’s.

“We may have been practicing a bit,” Dean confessed shyly.

Bobby took the little girl and spun her around. Then he let her stand on his desk. “Saw Castiel pulling out this morning.”

“Yeah, he said if he’d known I was going to propose, he would have taken the day off.”

“But then he wouldn’t have been swept off his feet by your grandiose proposal.” Bobby made a funny face at Kali and she giggled.

“Right?” Dean gave him a cocky grin. “As proposals go, I think I’d give it a ten.”

“Your daddy is going to be hard to live with now, huh, Princess?”

Kali patted Bobby’s scruffy beard.

“I wanted to come by and thank you for the Impala. You have no idea…” Dean felt a knot in his throat and couldn’t go on. Bobby squeezed his shoulder. He understood how grateful Dean was. He didn’t need the words.  
“Y’all set a date yet?”

“September fifth.”

“Start of Salmon season. Won’t have much of a honeymoon,” Bobby lamented.

“I know. I’m going to talk to him about hiring a captain for the Angel II, so he won’t be tied down to the boat. I don’t want to worry about him out there this winter. He can focus on getting the house built. I’ve only got seven more years until I can retire and chances are I won’t be reassigned from Umpqua River Station, but even if I do, we can move back here after retirement.”

Bobby was giving him a strange look. “What?” Dean asked.

“Have you talked to Castiel about your plans for the future?”

“Not yet. Why?” Dean could see something like disappointment in Bobby’s face.

“Dean, if Castiel asked you to leave the Coast Guard, would you do it?”

Dean laughed. “Cas wouldn’t ever ask that.”

“Just something to think about.” Bobby said.

The phone on Bobby’s desk began to ring and Dean picked up Kali. “I’ll let you get back to work. Thanks again, Bobby.”

Bobby waved as the picked up the phone. “Winchester Bay Harbor Master.”

Dean closed the door behind them. Their next stop was his mother’s bakery. Mary came out and gushed over the Impala like he knew she would. Sam and Jess were in the backyard with the twins when Dean pulled up at their house. Jensen and Jared took Kali’s hands and dragged her over to their swingset. Dean made himself at home on their patio.

“I’m so happy for you, Dean,” Jess said.

“Thanks.” Dean watched the three children playing. “How do you think Cas would react if I asked him to give up fishing?”

Sam and Jess looked dumbfounded. It was Sam that finally spoke. “What? Castiel give up the Angel II? Seriously, Dean? Please tell me you aren’t that so stupid.”

“What he said,” Jess commented.

All afternoon, Dean thought of what Bobby and Sam said. His plans seemed sound this morning, but now…not so much.

As it got closer to the time when the fleet came back to port, Dean drove to the docks and parked. Windows rolled down, an old cassette playing AC/DC, he watched as the dock came to life. From his vantage point, Dean could see the boats as they came up the pass. The Novak fleet came into port one after the other and Dean figured they’d all been working the same area. He waited until the Angel II was pulling into her berth before he got Kali out of her carseat. As he walked down the wooden dock, men from other boats called out to him and he waved. Balthazar took Kali from him and boarded his boat with her. Dean just shook his head and kept walking. Cas was looking over a clipboard when Dean jumped on board. “Have a good day, Babe?” He leaned in for a kiss and got a lot of catcalls from Cas’ crew and the surrounding boats.

“Not bad.” Cas looked around. “Where’s Kali?”

“Your brother kidnapped her.”

“Which one, I have four, Dean.”

“Balthazar. We’re grilling hamburgers tonight. Hope you’re hungry.”

“Always.” Cas moved away from Dean to take care of his business and Dean stepped off the boat onto the dock again. He made his way to The Rose. Balthazar was in the wheelhouse and Kali had her little hands on the helm. He took his phone out and snapped a quick picture. Cas’ brothers had taken Kali as their own and he couldn’t be happier. He and the older man talked about fishing regulations until Cas called out to him. “Shake your ass, Winchester. I’m starving.”

“Demanding, isn’t he?” Balthazar said snidely, handing Kali over to Dean. “Is he like that in the bedroom too?”

“Not going there with my future brother-in-law,” Dean quipped.

They walked down the dock and Cas stopped when he saw the Impala. He grinned at Dean. “She’s beautiful.”

“Want to take her for a spin?”

“Hell, yes.” Cas walked to the passenger side as Dean opened the back door to put Kali in her carseat. Before he could get the first buckle done, Luc came up to them.

“Why don’t you let us take her for a couple of hours? If I remember correctly, that backseat got a lot of action.”

Dean blushed. “That’s okay…we’re just…going to ride…around…you know…eat…hamburgers.”

Luc chuckled. “I guess I planted an idea. Get out of the way and let me get the carseat.”

Dean’s eyes followed Luc as he took the carseat and Michael carried Kali over to one of the SUVs. He got into the car. Cas was looking at him quizzically. “What was that all about?”

“Uhm…I think Luc just gave me his blessing to take you parking.”

“Parking? Like when we were…”  
“Yeah.” Dean grinned and the sleek, black car roared out of the parking lot. It seemed like his baby remembered the drive up to the make-out spot. Once he parked the car facing the fast moving river, Cas chuckled.

“Dean, we aren’t teenagers anymore. Fucking around in the backseat of a car isn’t my idea of a good time. Give me a nice, soft mattress any day.”

“Where’s your sense of adventure, Cas?”

Dean opened up the car door and the sound of the river reached his ears. The sun was dipping on the horizon, but it was still light out. He waited for Cas to exit the car and pushed the man against the hood. “I can’t wait to make you mine,” he whispered into the shell of Cas’ ear. His tongue snaked out and licked it and was pleased when Cas shivered.

He pulled back so he could look into Cas’ eyes. “Do you ever see yourself doing anything else…besides fishing?”

Cas tilted his head. “Like what?”

“I don’t know…write a book, open your own business or maybe even…go to school…get a degree.”

Cas laughed. “Fuck, Dean, I’m way too old to go to college. Fishing is what I know. I love it…love knowing my brothers and I are successful. Why? Do you ever think about doing something else?”

Dean shook his head adamantly. “No…no…I was just curious. I mean…if you wanted to…you know I’d support you in whatever you decided.”

“I know that, Dean, but I’m happy with my life. If it isn’t broke, why fix it?”

He took Cas’ hand and brought it to his mouth so he could kiss Cas’ knuckles. “No reason to, I guess.”  
Dean had to be satisfied with Cas’ answer. He couldn’t change him into what he wanted. The sea was in Cas’ blood, just as it was in Dean’s. He knew what he was getting into going in. Cas did too.

Dean brought his lips down on Cas’. As it deepened, Dean clung to Cas’ hips. Soft whispers and sighs could barely be heard over the sound of the rushing water. Without taking his mouth off Cas’, Dean reached down and opened the back door. Cas was giggling when Dean finally pushed him inside. “This is so high school.”

“Shut up. This is going to be awesome.” Dean pulled his shirt off before joining Cas. Dean was doing some serious seduction, his hand down Cas’ unzipped jeans and his mouth on Cas’ nipple when the sound of a siren being turned on and off startled them both. Their heads popped up over the seat and Dean groaned. Victor was walking towards them, his police car was parked with blue lights flashing.

“You both better be decent by the time I get over there,” he called out.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean snarled. He heard a small huff of laughter from Cas. “Don’t you dare say I told you so.”

“Me? Why would I say something like that?” Cas’ said sarcastically.

Victor stood just outside the back door. His hands were on his utility belt and he looked every inch the small town police chief. “Hey, Vic. Cas and I were just admiring the view…of the river…”

“Right. Like I’d believe that.” He snatched Dean’s shirt off the top of the Impala and held it up. “You always go sightseeing topless?”

“We are very sorry, Victor. We’ll just get dressed and go home…to bed…won’t we, Dean?”

“Sure. Because everyone knows Vic can ruin a wet dream.”

Victor exhaled slowly. “Winchester, don’t make me slap handcuffs on you.”

“Kinky.”

Victor finally broke into a grin. “Get your asses home before I call dispatch and tell them y’all were up here. It’ll be all over town before morning.”

“Asshat,” Dean said, grinning. He got out of the backseat and took his shirt away from Victor. Cas followed, tucking his own shirt into his jeans.

On their way back to town, with Victor’s cruiser right on their tail, Cas called his brothers to find out where Kali was. “She’s at Michael’s place.”

Dean turned and drove out to the large log cabin east of town. Four of the SUVs were in the driveway. Kali was playing on the floor with a pile of poker chips. Dean shook his head. “Poker chips?”

“Not like we keep Legos and dolls lying around,” Gabe said from his seat on the couch. Cartoons were on the massive plasma TV. Luc and Michael were sitting on the floor with his daughter and Balthazar was cleaning up a bowl of spaghetti-os off the coffee table.

Luc looked up at Cas. “Guess what they say about older men lasting longer is a lie. You two weren’t gone long. Dean a little quick on the draw?”

“Kiss my ass, Luc,” Dean snarled without much venom. “Victor showed up and made us leave.”

The four brothers laughed long and loud, much to Dean’s embarrassment.

Much later, after sex in Dean’s bed, he finally brought up the subject of the land. “I’ve had Sam put your name on the deed to the land next to your houseboat. I was going to wait and give it to you when we got married, but I thought…if you wanted to…we could build a house up there.”

Cas, still riding the high from Dean’s lovemaking, sat up. “Dean, what? God, you are so…fucking…perfect.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, I am. Adorable, smart, sexy, amazing in the sack…”

“Okay…” Cas shook his head. “…conceited, stubborn…”

They spent the next half hour talking about their dream house.

**Five Weeks Later...**

The next five weeks passed quickly. With their work schedules and meetings with the architect in Eugene, they didn’t have a lot of spare time to plan the wedding. Mary came through with phone calls and all the arrangements. As the day got closer and the hours wound down, Dean began to get more and more nervous. Doubts surfaced and they fought. Cas even spent a few nights on his houseboat. Dean was miserable and he made everyone around him crazy.

He knew he was worrying about stupid things, but he couldn’t help it. On the night of one such fight, Dean sat in his living room alone. Kali was asleep and he was on his fourth beer. The doorbell rang. Frowning, Dean threw open the door. He’d hoped it was Cas. It wasn’t.

The Novak brothers, minus his fiancé, stood on his porch. They didn’t look happy. “What do you want?” He purposefully blocked the entry so they couldn’t come in the house.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Gabriel said, getting right up in Dean’s face. It wasn’t even close to intimidating since he had to look up at Dean. “Cas is storming around biting everyone’s head off and he says you are being a demanding prima donna.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Prima donna? Prima donna? Well, he’s being a douche.”

Luc shook his head. “Sweet Jesus, they are both bridezillas.” Michael actually snorted at his brother’s words. Balthazar just raised his eyebrows and gave a curt nod in agreement.

“I’m going to ask you again, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Gabe shoved at Dean to the side and before he could recover, all the brothers were in his living room.

“Nothing,” Dean spat out.

Michael, ever the peacemaker of the family, raised his hands in a placating manner. “You have raised concerns with Cas about him going out to fish. You have asked him repeatedly if he is ready to be a father to Kali. You have driven him and everyone in your orbit crazy on making sure the house plans are perfect…when in fact, they were perfect two weeks ago. You are fighting over the stupidest things and we are tired of it.”

“Great. I’m the fucking bad guy. Let me tell you, Cas is no freakin’ angel. He’s stubborn and…and…” Dean stopped as he faced four stony faces, all with their arms crossed.

Balthazar spoke. “Yes, he is stubborn and no, he is definitely not an angel, but for Christ’s sake, Winchester, he loves you to distraction. He loves Kali like she is his own. He wants to marry you. He wants to spend the rest of his life making you happy. He thinks you want him to give up fishing….” At Dean’s look, Balthazar’s shoulder’s squared. “And you do.”

The silence was palpable. Dean looked away, blinking rapidly. Gabe flopped down on the couch. “Holy shit. You want him to quit fishing…so what…he can be a housewife…househusband…the perfect officer’s spouse?”

“Yes! No…I don’t know. I just…I can’t lose him. What if something happens out there? What if a storm hits and he can’t get in fast enough? What if…”

“What if you are called out in a storm, Dean? What if you are called to the Middle East? What if you get hit by a freaking bolt of lightning? Don’t you think Cas has thoughts like that too? Don’t you think he worries about you?”

“It’s not the same…” But Dean knew it was the same. It was time to lay his demons to rest. He bit his lip. “I’ve been stupid.”

“Ding…ding…ding…he gets it on his first try,” Gabe called out enthusiastically.

“In less than 48 hours, you are marrying our little brother. You better straighten your ass up, Winchester,” Michael said sternly.

Dean nodded. He watched the four men march out of his house. He picked up his phone and dialed. It was time to eat crow.

“Dean.”

“Cas…look…I’ve been a dick.” He got silence. Cas wasn’t going to make this easy on him. “I’m sorry. I love you and I won’t ever question your judgment again.”

“Bullshit.”

“Cas…”

“Dean, you will always question my judgment and I can live with that. You are a stubborn, arrogant jackass…but I love you. I love you so much it hurts.”

“Giving up fishing would change you and then you wouldn’t be the man I fell in love with. The house is perfect just the way it is. We’ll call the architect in the morning and tell him to bid it out. And…I do know you love Kali and want her…” Dean closed his eyes and searched his mind for anything else they’d fought about.

“Can I come home?”

“Please.” Dean sat on the couch and waited. There wasn’t anything that could happen that they couldn’t make it through. He knew that. He was getting married on Saturday. Yes, they were going to fight, but he’d gotten the big stuff, the doubts, out of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updates. 
> 
> I had a wonderful visit with my daughter, now she is on her way to a special assignment in Philadelphia with the Secret Service. I'm so proud.
> 
> Just one chapter left and then I'm starting it over from Cas' POV.


	17. Riding the Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their wedding day arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go to YouTube and search for Coast Guard Weddings with Saber Arch. You will get a visual of what happens after the ceremony. It is really cool.

Mary assured Dean for the millionth time that everything would be perfect. Missouri touched his arm and told him that everything would go like clockwork. Ellen slapped him on the back of his head and told him to shut his cakehole and just show up. Dean was a nervous wreck. Cas wasn’t picking up his Goddamn phone…Luc was answering it every time he called and telling Dean that Cas wasn’t leaving him at the altar.

He wasn’t sure how his mother pulled it off, but the Chinook was tied up at the end of the harbor docks, decorated with yards and yards of white and blue ribbon. The deck was covered with rented chairs and at the bow stood Chaplain Franklin. Dean stood at the bridge watching as guests took their seats. Father O’Brian couldn’t perform the ceremony, but it didn’t stop him from being there. Dean looked at his watch. Sam smirked at him. Dean had to admit, his brother looked great in his tux. Garth, Benny and Chuck stood next to him in their dress whites. Dean knew they looked really impressive with their ceremonial sabers hanging from their belts.

Mary entered the bridge. “It’s time, Sweetheart.”

Dean nodded stiffly. Mary took his hand. “He’s here. Don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t worried,” Dean lied. Sam laughter echoed on the metal walls. Even Benny and Chuck laughed. Garth nodded sagely, like he really believed Dean.

They walked down the aisle and took their places next to the chaplain. Dean looked out on the sea of faces. The men and women under his command were scattered throughout friends and family. Missouri held Kali in the front row. His little girl was dressed in a white lace dress with black patent leather shoes.

Movement on the dock caught Dean’s attention and he broke into a smile as the five Novak brothers made their way up the gangplank. Cas was last. He was dressed in his new tux. His brothers were also wearing tuxedos. As each of the brothers made their way up the aisle and took their places, they gave Dean a nod, or a smile, or, in Gabe’s case, crossed eyes and funny face.

Cas took his place by Dean’s side and they shared a soft smile, their eyes locked on each other until the chaplain got their attention. 

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Lieutenant Commander Dean Aaron Winchester and Castiel James Novak.”

Dean could barely keep up with what the chaplain was saying. He was so nervous and proud to be standing in front of all these people…marrying the man of his dreams.

“Lieutenant Commander, would you like to say your vows now?” 

He cleared his throat. “Cas, I promise to honor the commitment we make today, whether I am far from home or wrapped in your arms. I acknowledge and honor the sacrifice you make by choosing a partner who serves his country. I am so lucky to have found you…again…and I promise to do what I can every single day to make you feel my admiration and love.”

“I will do everything I can to stay safe when I am away from you because I understand that I have a responsibility not just to my country, but to our life together. Every moment we are apart, trust that I am thinking of you and counting the moments until we can be back together.”

Cas’ eyes were red with unshed tears. Chaplain Franklin smiled at Dean and then turned to Cas. “Castiel, would you like to say your vows now?”

“Dean, I promise to honor the sacrifice you are making for the sake of our country. I will abide by our commitment today even when we are far apart. I will show my love for you whether we are oceans apart or in the same room. I will cherish the time we have together and make it my duty to make you feel my love when we are away from each other.

“I will do everything in my power to stay safe at sea so I will always be able to come home to you. I vow that there will never be a day when you will not feel my love for you. You have my word that I will love and cherish Kali as my own. I promise to always adore, honor and encourage you for the rest of our lives.”

Chaplain Franklin turned back to Dean. “Do you, Lieutenant Commander Dean Aaron Winchester, take Castiel James Novak to be your husband, to cherish in friendship and in love today, tomorrow and for as long as you both shall live? To trust him, to honor him, to love faithfully, through the best and worst of times and if you should ever doubt to remember your love for each other and the reason why you stand here with him today?”

“I do,” Dean’s voice was clear and strong.

“Do you, Castiel James Novak, take Lieutenant Commander Dean Aaron Winchester to be your husband, to cherish in friendship and in love today, tomorrow and for as long as you both shall live? To trust him, to honor him, to love faithfully, through the best and worst of times and if you should ever doubt to remember your love for each other and the reason why you stand here with him today?”

“I do,” Cas hand shook as he took Dean’s hand in his.

The chaplain took their rings and held them aloft. “The wedding ring is the outward and visible sign of an inward and profound bond which unites two loyal hearts into one endless love. It is a seal of the vows Dean and Castiel have made to one another. Bless these rings, that Dean and Castiel, who give them, and who wear them, may ever abide in thy peace. Living together in unity, love and happiness for the rest of their lives. By the powers vested in me by the United States Coast Guard and the State of Oregon, I now pronounce you married. You may kiss your husband.”

A loud sigh could be heard as Dean leaned in and met Cas’ lips. Then the applause broke out. Dean looked up and grinned. His eyes met his mother’s teary ones. Her smile was radiant. 

There were Coast Guard personnel at the end of the rows next to the aisle. As Dean and Cas took their first step as husbands, they stood and drew their sabers. The silver blades glinted in the sun as they made an arch with the ceremonial weapons. Cas looked at Dean in amazement. Dean winked. “Cool, huh?”

As tradition ruled, hand in hand, they walked to the first pair. The men lowered their sabers with perfect timing and Dean stopped and kissed Cas. The sabers were raised slowly and they moved to the second pair, again the sabers were lowered. Dean smiled and kissed a confused Cas. Dean whispered, “Just follow my lead, Babe. As they came to each pair, the sabers were lowered and Dean kissed Cas. At last, they reached the end of the aisle and Cas turned around to see the raised sabers.

Dean turned them so they faced the men. Kevin, looking incredibly young in his dress uniform, called out a command and the men lowered their sabers as one and sheathed them. Those still seated clapped and cheered.

The reception was at The Roadhouse and it was festooned with balloons, ribbons and flowers. A beautiful four tier wedding cake sat on a small table in the center of the dance floor. Dean broke away from Cas so they could both greet and talk to their guests. He had to admit, his mother knew how to throw a wedding. Everything was perfect. Sam jumped up on the small stage and picked up a microphone. Dean looked around for Cas and saw him with his brothers in the corner. He made his way to him.

“Hello, Everyone, most of you know me and for those that don’t, I’m Sam Winchester, Dean’s younger brother.” All the guests clapped. Dean took Cas’ hand and stood at the edge of the dance floor, looking up at his brother.

“Several years ago, I remember asking my mother why people got married. It seemed like a pain in the ass and why would anyone want to give up their freedom. She told me that yes, marriage was a pain in the ass, but she said marriage is sharing your life…sharing those special moments with someone you love. To seize the day is another way of saying to share the day. I found out what she meant firsthand, now my brother will find out too. When I look at Dean, I see why he is the perfect husband for Castiel. When I look at them together, I am struck that the future looks promising. They way they look at each other, the way Dean is always touching Castiel, the way they finish each other’s sentences and yes, the way they bicker like an old married couple, all the other little ways they show how much they love each other. I want to welcome Castiel into our family as my brother. Castiel understands Dean in a way I only thought his family understood him. May they have a lifetime of happy memories. Here’s to Dean and Castiel.”

He raised his glass of champagne and everyone took a sip. Sam laid the microphone down and jumped off the stage. He stepped into Dean’s arms. The two brothers hugged and Dean whispered. “I love you, Bitch.”

“Love you back, Jerk.”

Luc took his turn at the mic. “We drew straws to see who would give this speech and I drew the short straw.” Everyone laughed. “With five brothers in a household, we had our share of fights growing up, but Castiel was always the peacemaker. He wanted everyone to be happy, sometimes at the cost of his own happiness.” Luc paused and held up his champagne glass to Cas. “When Dean moved back here, I had my doubts, but he proved how determined he was to win my brother’s heart again. So, Dean, you take care of him…love him…or I’ll kick your ass.” 

Dean grinned and everyone laughed. Cas shook his head at his brother. 

“To Castiel, my brother by birth, and to Dean, my brother by chance, I wish you both all the happiness in the world and may you bring each other patience, understanding, strength, loyalty and love from this day forward, until death to you part.”

Dean clinked his champagne flute with Cas’ and drank. Mary came up to them a few minutes later and informed them that it was time to cut the cake. Much to everyone’s delight, Dean unsheathed his saber and sliced the first piece. Despite Mary’s warning, both men shoved a huge piece of cake into the other’s face.

It was finally time for them to leave. The small plane was waiting to take them to Portland. The ride to the tiny airfield was a quiet one. They held each other’s hands and Dean ran his fingertip over the two rings on Cas’ finger. “Are you really happy?”

Cas looked away from the passing view outside of the passenger window. “I am. Happier than I’ve ever been.”

“Me too,” Dean said, as he pulled the Impala to a stop outside of the metal building that served as a terminal. They each grabbed their duffle bags and walked inside. 

“You must be the Winchesters. Congratulations! I’m Cole Trenton and I’m going to be your pilot.” The nice looking man led them out to a single engine Cessna. They boarded and watched as the pilot went through his checklist. “We’ll be arriving in Portland at six-thirty and I’ll be picking you up Sunday night at eight, is that correct?”

“Yes,” Dean answered stiffly. His hands were already gripping the armrest. It was one thing to be in a large plane hurtling through the sky towards your impending death, but this plane was barely bigger than a rowboat. 

Cas looked at him, concern in his eyes. “You okay?”

“Fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

Their pilot turned in his seat. He squinted at Dean. “You scared of flying?”

“Not scared,” Dean said through gritted teeth. Cas covered Dean’s hand with his own. 

Turning back around with a knowing look that irritated Dean, the pilot began to flip switches and the prop began to turn, the engine whined and soon they were rolling down the short runway. Dean felt like he was going to hurl. Give him a boat in a ten foot chop any day.

Cas was leaning against the door staring out the window and Dean’s first instinct was to pull him away. What if the door opened? Cas would be falling to earth at a zillion miles per hour to land splat in some poor unsuspecting person’s front lawn…or on a highway…or…

“Dean?”

Dean’s wide green eyes met his husband’s. “Huh?”

“The pilot said we will be landing in about ten minutes and wants to know if we have someone meeting us with a car.”

Dean forced his attention on the pilot. “I’ve arranged for a rental.”

“Great. Where are y’all staying?”

“The Vintage,” Dean answered. 

Cas gaped at him. “The Vintage? Dean, that’s really expensive.”

“We’re only getting married once, Cas.” The hotel located downtown had wonderfully romantic rooms and Dean had picked a Sky Loft room that had a huge skylight.

Once the plane was on the ground, Dean thanked the pilot and wanted to get on his knees and kiss the tarmac. He played it cool though. The rental was a midsized sedan and they quickly stowed their bags in the trunk.

“Want to eat before we check in?”

“Sure,” Cas answered. Neither of them ate a whole lot at the reception. Dean stopped at a light and pulled up the address of El Gaucho on his Waze app. He’d Googled a few restaurants he thought Cas would like earlier. The steaks were supposed to be fabulous. They didn’t have reservations, but since they were still in their wedding attire, Dean thought it might help them get a table. A bribe to the maitre‘d wouldn’t hurt either.

The host greeted them with respect when he saw Dean’s uniform. “What can I do for you this evening?”

“We got married today and I was hoping you could find us a table?”

“Congratulations. Let me see what I can do.” The sharply dressed man disappeared. 

Cas looked around. “Dean, you know I’d be happy with a burger or pizza.”

“Cas, it’s our honeymoon. We have a kid at home, do you think we’re going to be able to do this sort of thing often? I just want it to be memorable.” Cas smiled warmly at him and leaned in for a chaste kiss.

The maitre’d returned. “I do have a table for you. If you will follow me.” Dean and Cas followed the man through the restaurant and he led them to a semi-private table near the back. He opened the menus and placed them in their hands. “As you may know, we are famous for our steaks. Your server will be Charlie. She will be with you shortly.”

A cute redhead came to their table and her smile lit up the room. Cas and Dean both grinned up at her. “Married today, huh? That is awesome and don’t you to look spiffy. What are you? An admiral or something?”

Dean chuckled. “No, just a Lieutenant Commander.”

“That’s still pretty darn cool. So, you guys want some champagne? Wine? Beer?”

“Cas?”

“I’ll just have a Coke please.”

“Same here. We’re about champagned out.”

“Gotcha. How about an appetizer. We have fresh oysters…not that you need help or anything.” The redhead blushed a startling shade crimson.

Cas roared with laughter and Dean just shook his head. “Oysters are definitely not needed, have you looked at him?”

Charlie did look at Cas, then back at Dean. “He is pretty, you’re a lucky guy.” It was Cas’ turn to blush.

Throughout the meal, Charlie was there with impeccable service but she wasn’t obtrusive on their private time together. Dean left her a substantial tip and Cas told her if she ever got to the coast, he would take her out on the Angel II. Cas gave her his business card and she actually squealed.

Even Dean was impressed with their hotel room. The skylight was massive. The kingsize bed has a memory foam mattress that Dean sunk into with a sigh. “Aren’t you going get out of your uniform?” Cas asked as he pulled on his bowtie.

“Eager to get me naked, Mr. Winchester?” Dean loved saying that. Mr. Winchester. Cas was his husband…forever and ever…amen. There had been a small argument about the name thing. But logic won out. Changing a name for Dean meant nametags and uniform changes along with tons of red tape. 

“I’m always eager to get you naked, Dean.” Cas was taking off his cufflinks and he laid them carefully on the dresser next to the huge TV.

Dean clasped his hands behind his head and watched Cas undress. Once Cas realized Dean was watching, he put a little bump and grind into it and once he was down to his boxers, Dean was achingly hard. He was rubbing his hand over his erection and Cas lifted an eyebrow. “Horny?”

“Way past that,” Dean replied.

“Then I suggest you get that sweet ass out of bed and get naked because I want to make love to you under the stars tonight.” Cas looked pointedly at the skylight.

Dean rolled off the bed in one swift and graceful motion. He made short work of removing his uniform and even shucked off his boxers. His cock jutted out in front of him and Cas’ eyes fastened on it. He reached out and pulled Cas closer. His kiss was tender and he explored Cas’ body slowly…reverently. He took one of Cas’ hands and brought it to his mouth. He sucked on each finger, loving the sounds that Cas was making. Once Cas’ hand was wet with his spit, he pushed his hand down to his cock. “Touch me.”

Dean closed his eyes as Cas’ fingertips brushed along his length, from base to his slit and back down. Then Cas dropped to his knees. When Cas gave head, it was almost a religious experience for Dean. Cas worshipped his cock. Dean’s knees felt like they weren’t going to support him much longer. “Cas, Baby…bed…” Cas looked up at him, dark lashes making his eyes look huge. With his lips wrapped around his cock, Dean thought there could be anything sexier.

Cas released Dean’s cock and Dean pulled him to his feet. He tasted himself on Cas’ tongue. Dean wanted nothing more than to crawl inside Cas’ hot, welcoming mouth. God, the man could kiss. Cas guided him to the bed and Dean sprawled out on his back. Cas took a few seconds to locate the lube in his bag and bring it with him. He knelt on the end of the mattress and crawled up until his was between Dean’s legs. “I love you.”

“Love you,” Dean whispered. He let Cas spread his legs and his cock felt so heavy between his thighs. Cas was running his fingertips up and down Dean’s inner thighs. Dean relaxed and just let Cas do whatever he wanted. He lifted his hips when Cas pushed a pillow under him. He bent his knees to open himself for Cas’ talented mouth. Cas’ tongue traced circles around Dean’s entrance and it made Dean moan softly. Cas was so tender, taking his time licking Dean open. Dean was vaguely aware of Cas opening the lube and he felt the cool gel between his legs. Cas was going to take him…it had been a while, not since before they stopped using condoms. Dean wondered what it would feel like…having Cas come inside of him…

Dean inhaled sharply when Cas slid in his first finger. His husband…his lover…his best friend was gentle and all Dean’s senses exploded. Cas was raining tiny kisses along the crease of his thighs while he worked Dean open. Dean lost all sense of time. Cas was kissing him everywhere…his balls…his cock…his belly. Cas seemed to know when Dean was ready for him. He shifted his body and guided his cock to Dean’s opening, now slick with lube. At the initial push, Dean tensed up and Cas stopped. “Easy, Dean, just relax.”

He controlled his breathing and nodded. Cas eased in. He felt so full. Cas watched his face and Dean nodded. Cas began to move slowly…out and then in again. Soon, Dean’s body was loose enough that the pain was gone. Cas drove into him over and over. Dean was lifting his hips to meet each thrust. Cas cock hit Dean’s prostate and he jerked in response. “Fuck…Cas…harder, Baby.”

Cas didn’t need any more prodding. He slammed into Dean setting a fast pace. Dean stroked his cock, rocking his hips in a rhythm as old as time. Cas looked down watching his thick cock disappearing into Dean’s tight body. His mouth was open as he stared. Dean wished he could see what Cas was seeing. Cas moaned softly and his thrusts became more erratic, his breathing harsh and fast. It felt like Cas’ cock got thicker and Dean could feel it throbbing inside of him. “Dean…Dean…Dean…” Cas cried out and Dean felt his hot cum deep within his body. Cas continued to thrust weakly. Dean’s hand got faster on his cock and his orgasm shook him. White heat raced through his veins as his cum erupted onto his belly. Cas collapsed on top of him, his cock sliding out easily now that he was spent. Dean felt the warm wetness on his thighs as Cas’ cum leaked out of him. He smiled into Cas neck, remembering how he felt that moment of possessiveness the first time he fucked Cas without a condom.

They showered in the large bathroom and returned to bed. Dean wrinkled his face at the mess they’d made on the soft gray comforter. The housekeeping department was not going to be their biggest fan. Dean made a mental note to leave a large tip.

The night sky was a perfect backdrop to a wonderful day. Dean wrapped himself around Cas and nuzzled the sensitive place behind his ear. “I’m so glad you gave me another chance, Cas. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“I’d have no life without you, Dean.” Cas’ words were the last thing Dean heard before falling into a deep, restful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue will follow.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years have passed. Cas and Dean share a home, a family, a life.

It was Friday and he left work early, just because he could. Dean clicked the garage door opener and the Impala’s engine rumbled as he waited for it to open. His jaw tightened when he saw the pink bicycle in the exact spot where the Impala usually parked. A small red tricycle was also in the way. He got out of the car and made a dramatic show of moving the offending toys even though no one was around to see him. 

The house was quiet. Missouri had taken Ethan with her to go pick up Kali from school. Dean glanced at his watch. He had fifteen minutes of peace and quiet before the kids got home. 

He wasn’t used to the house being this quiet. It was strange. He thought he would appreciate it, but he found that he missed the kids and Cas. Cas would be home around five-thirty. 

Something smelled great and he made his way to the kitchen. Cas had put a huge roast in the crockpot before he left that morning and Dean lifted the lid. He sprinkled a little more salt on it. He knew Cas under-salted their food because at Dean’s last physical, his blood pressure was elevated. He took pills for it. Cas didn’t have to make his food tasteless.

Dean roamed the house. The architect had done a great job giving them both what they wanted. Huge glass windows face the water and the dock. The houseboat had been sold and a nice pleasure boat sat in its place. The mantel held their family pictures. Dean stood looking at them. Their wedding day, Kali’s first day of school, the day the adoption was final for Ethan…so many memories already and Dean felt like they’d just begun.

He walked up the staircase and down the hall to the master bedroom. It faced the water as well and the view was awesome. He changed out of his uniform and hung it in the closet. His sweats from the academy still fit him at forty. Barefoot, he trotted downstairs. The sound of the Missouri’s car made him increase his steps. He went out the front door and greeted their nanny with a smile. “How was he today?”

“Only one little temper tantrum,” Missouri replied. 

Kali got out of the backseat and gave her father a wave. “Hey, Daddy. Can I spend the night with Emma?”

“Not tonight, Princess. Cas made a special dinner.” They were going to tell her their plans for their summer vacation tonight.

Dean had gone around to the other side of the car and was unbuckling Ethan. At three, Ethan was a handful. Kali had been so easy, but Ethan was all boy. Dean picked him up and swung him up in the air. Missouri watched them with a warm smile on her face.

“You need me for anything else, Dean?”

“No, ma’am. I guess we will see you on Monday.”

He put Ethan up on his shoulders and as they entered the house, he ducked so Ethan wouldn’t hit his head. Kali sat her backpack by the door. “Hey, Kiddo. School’s out. Why don’t you take your backpack up to your room…after you give me your report card.” He had no worries. Kali never made anything less than a B.

She rummaged around and handed it to him. At seven, she looked so much like Anna it was unnerving sometimes. 

He made a big show about opening her report card. “Alright, way to go.” She got all A’s. “I’m so proud of you, Cupcake.”

“Thanks, Daddy.”

While she took her stuff upstairs, Dean lowered Ethan to the floor. “Come on, Squirt, you can help with laundry.” He went to the small room off the kitchen and looked at the piles of laundry. They shared household chores and laundry was Dean’s only because he was really anal retentive about his uniforms. He lifted his son to the top of the dryer and began to sort the darks and light. Once the first load was going, he picked up Ethan and sat the boy up on the kitchen counter. He listened to him babble about anything and everything as he tossed the salad and made mashed potatoes. 

By the time Cas got home, the table was set and both kids were playing a video game in the den. Dean was filling glasses with iced tea for him and Cas and milk for the kids when Cas’ arms snaked around him. “I missed you today.”

“I hope you miss me every day,” Dean responded with a quick kiss to Cas cheek.

“I do, but today especially.”

Dean looked at his husband quizzically. “Why today?”

“It’s an anniversary of sorts. It is the day you moved back here five years ago.”

“You are such a sap,” Dean said, but he was touched that Cas thought it important enough to mention.

“And you love me.”

“And I love you. Why don’t you go shower while I get everything on the table. You smell like fish.”

“Duh.” Dean heard Cas talking to Kali as he made his way through the living room. When he came down five minutes later, freshly showered, Dean had their meal on the table. He called the kids and his daughter came in the dining room holding Ethan’s hand. 

Dinner was usually a loud affair, with both kids vying to be heard. It was after the meal that the two men talked about their days. “Do you have your list?”

“Yes, Dear…” Dean said sarcastically. They’d planned a barbeque for the following weekend and Dean was given a list of things he had to accomplish. Truth be told, he hadn’t even looked at it. “Have you heard from Will and Steve?”

“I talked to him yesterday. They’ll be up Friday night. The guest room is ready for them.” Will met and married a police detective two years back and the four had become close. It was strange for Dean at first, knowing Will had been in love with Cas…had slept with Cas, but he knew how important it was to Cas and he’d made the effort. They drove to Portland once every three months or so and stayed with the couple and whenever Cas and Dean threw a party, Will and Steve would come over to the coast to stay with them.

“I’m thinking about renting one of those bouncy things for the kids this year. Thoughts?” Cas asked as he wiped and put away the crockpot.

“Probably a good idea. It will keep them occupied since it’s still too cold to get in the water.” Luc had married the woman he’d been seeing and her two kids were great. Balthazar and his wife just had a little girl. She was still a bit young to play with the other kids though. Of course, Sam and Jess had the twins, who were now eight and wild. “You think Jo is going to last that long?” 

Cas laughed. “I saw her in town this morning. She is about to pop and God, was she bitching about not being able to see her feet. I’d hate to be in Victor’s shoes.”

“You and me both,” Deans said with a chuckle.

“Anyone from the Station coming?” Dean’s friends had mostly moved on to new stations and as station commander, Dean wasn’t as close to their replacements. He missed them, but they stayed in touch via email and an occasional text message or phone call. Angi was retired and living in Virginia. Benny married his old high school flame and he was stationed in North Carolina. Kevin got out of the Guard and was working on his PhD at Yale. Garth and Chuck were both over in Boston. Rufus had retired to Florida.

The kitchen cleaned, the two joined the kids in the living room. Dean and Kali played Mario Cart while Cas worked with Ethan on his colors and shapes. Dean looked up and caught Cas’ eyes. “Can we tell her now?”

Kali looked up at her fathers. “Tell me what?”

“Your Dad and I decided our vacation this summer should be somewhere fun,” Cas said. Last year, they took a week and went to see the Grand Canyon. She enjoyed herself but she’d really wanted to go to Disney World. That’s all she talked about for the last two years.

“Where?” 

“Disney World,” Dean said, grinning at her.

She squealed and jumped to her feet. She threw her arms around her father and then raced over to Cas. “Thank you so much,” she mumbled against his neck.

“You’re welcome, Bumblebee.”

Ethan didn’t know what was going on, but he was smiling and clapping because Kali was excited.

Later that night, when Dean entered their bedroom, Cas was at the window. He was just in a pair of sleep pants and Dean stared at him from the doorway. Work on the Angel II kept him fit. His biceps were strong and defined. His waist was still narrow. Working behind a desk all day, Dean had put on a few pounds, but he’d begun to work out. He wasn’t about to get fat. 

“Penny for your thoughts,” Dean said, making his way to his husband’s side.

Cas smiled and pulled him close. “I was just thinking how much I love you…love this house…love our kids. Life is pretty much perfect.”

“Yeah.” Dean cupped Cas’ ass in his hands. “You’re perfect.”

Cas leaned back so he could look Dean in the eye. “I made a decision today.”

Dean’s brow furrowed. “About what?”

“I’m making Ash the captain of the Angel II.”

Dean pulled away, but his hands took both of Cas’. “Babe, are you sure? You know I’m happy about it, but I don’t want you to do this for me.”

“It’s time. I’ve talked to my brothers and they’ve agreed to let me run the office. With ten boats now, we need someone full time to do the books and run things. Gabriel was the one to suggest it actually. He saw the need I felt to be home earlier so I could spend time with the kids.” Dean reminded himself to send his brother-in-law a bottle of the best whiskey money could buy. Gabe and Dean were very close. Dean even ventured to call him his best friend besides Cas and Sam. He’d even introduced one if his lieutenants to Gabe and the two seem to hit it off. Vicki was a smart girl and a great officer. Gabe wouldn’t admit it but Dean thought the man was head over heels already. 

Dean wrapped Cas in his arms. “God, I love you.” He felt Cas smiling against his cheek.

“Besides, in two years, you can retire. I want to be able to take vacations with the kids, with you.”

Dean knew his retirement was looming. In two short years, he’d have spent twenty years in the Coast Guard. He couldn’t imagine doing anything else. He was only forty. “Yeah, about that…”

Cas turned his eyes away from Dean and back to the window. “You don’t want to retire do you?”

“I don’t. But I will for you…for our family.” 

“No…I’ve thought about it, Dean. You love what you do. When you made Commander last year, I was so proud of you.” 

“I talked to Admiral Crowley this morning and he told me that if I stayed in, he would personally see that I stayed at Umpqua River for the next five years.”

“Then it’s settled, Dean.” Cas smiled at him and took his hand. He led him to the bed and slowly removed his sweats, kissing his skin as he uncovered him. When Dean was naked, Cas pushed him back on the bed. He opened the nightstand drawer and took out the lube. Without a word, he laid on his side of the bed and spread his legs. Quickly and efficiently, he used his fingers to open himself. Dean propped himself on one elbow so he could watch. Dean discovered his little kink right after they got married when he walked in on Cas masturbating in the shower. He’d watched from the doorway and had never been so turned on. Now, Cas knew Dean liked to watch. Cas had surprised him for their first Christmas by buying them a vibrator. Dean liked nothing better than to watch Cas come apart as he pleasured himself. 

Tonight he watched Cas prepping himself while his own hard cock hung heavy between his legs. He murmured softly to Cas, urging him on, telling him how beautiful he was. “What do you want, Cas? Want me to fuck you…or maybe suck your gorgeous cock…tell me, Babe…tell me what you want.”

“Want you inside me, Dean…” Dean wasted no time in positioning himself between Cas’ parted thighs. He looked down at Cas’ hole, slick and open for him. He gripped the base of his cock and guided it to Cas’ entrance. He pushed in and the heat engulfed him, making him moan with pleasure and need. 

“God damn, Cas, I love the way you feel.” Dean moved over Cas, pumping his hips up and down. Cas’ legs were wrapped around him, his heels digging into Dean’s ass driving him to move faster…deeper. Dean kissed Cas, the kind of kiss that made him weak…tongue and teeth…wet and hot. 

When he came inside of Cas minutes later, he gazed down at his husband, now looking wrecked below him and felt complete. Cas was his and he was Cas’. Life could not get any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for coming along on this journey with Dean and Cas (and me). I've loved this story. Stay tuned for the same story from Cas' POV. Hoping to have that one up and running soon. I love you all!

**Author's Note:**

> I've done a lot of research and talked to a few "Coasties". Any mistakes are mine and mine alone. Just an FYI, outside of the Coast Guard Station Umpqua River is the real down of Winchester Bay. I picked the station because it was remote, when I saw the name of the town, I squealed...it was meant to be.
> 
> For those of you who like my stuff, I've created a FB group page. I'll post my stuff there and you can give me prompts. https://www.facebook.com/groups/550258875175871/


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